7 Things You Can Say To Trigger a Narcissist’s Anger

 / 

Triggering a narcissist’s anger is a skill that doesn’t require much practice, but figuring out how to avoid their ridiculously overblown reaction to anything you say, think, or feel. Well, that takes some real strategy. There are plenty of documented reasons for this, but it all begins with the fact that narcissists tend to have inflated, but outrageously fragile, egos.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a toxic narcissist, then you already know that there are plenty of things you can say to anger a narcissist. You can even just look at them the wrong way and tick them off pretty good, right? And my guess is that you already know how easily narcissists can fly off the handle.

And, if you’re anything like I was before I healed, you’d like to avoid this as often as you can. After all, when a narcissist is enraged, they will fling insults at you, digging deep and actively poking at the things that hurt you the most. They want you to feel bad about yourself in that moment, and on some level, they are projecting their own emotions on to you. Let me explain.

The concept of narcissistic rage plays a big part here. See, narcissistic rage is what we see when a narcissist knows they’re wrong but won’t admit it, or when they don’t get what they want, or when people don’t treat them differently or more special than others. It can also happen when a narcissist’s sense of entitlement is threatened – and basically, anytime things don’t go their way. They get inconsolably angry in an attempt to bully or coerce you into giving them what they want. And, when this doesn’t work well enough, they’ll often switch to a similar tactic where they slip into victim mode. We’ll talk more about that part later.

You might also be aware that your average narcissist is far from rational, especially when they feel insulted, belittled, minimized or in any way attacked. This can feel pretty ironic, given that they actively insult, belittle, minimize and attack the people closest to them.

In any case, though, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, you probably want to avoid saying the things that are guaranteed to upset them, at least if you want to avoid the drama and upset that goes along with triggering a narcissist’s anger.

anger

7 Things You Can Say To Trigger a Narcissist’s Anger

Here are seven things that you can say to trigger a narcissist’s anger.

1. “I am so impressed with that skill someone other than you has that you also have…”

Complimenting someone else on a skill or talent that the narcissist is going to go over like a lead balloon, especially when you do so without also acknowledging the narcissist’s own talent. And heaven forbid you should do so without somehow implying that the other person’s skill is in any way superior to the narcissist’s (or that it isn’t actually inferior if we’re being honest). Narcissists are insanely jealous by nature because of the fact that they are so insecure.

So, if you were to ever compliment someone else for having such talent in something that the narcissist also has, that not only triggers narcissist’s anger but also makes them feel as though you have personally and directly insulted them. No kidding. Even if what you say is benign and you are not comparing them to the person you are talking about in any way. Narcissists have to believe they are the best and the very best at what they do, even if there is obvious and documented evidence to the contrary.

Related: Dehumanization: A Narcissist’s Ultimate Manipulation Tool

2. “The food at the restaurant you chose just isn’t for me…can we try something else next time?”

You can never tell a narcissist you don’t like or want something THEY like or want. I remember this exact situation with my ex. He would literally get offended when I would not enjoy the same food or movies or whatever that he did. I’d always think to myself,

“Geez, it’s not like you MADE the food or the movie or whatever.” But like all narcissists, he took everything personally. And that’s the thing. Narcissists need you to agree with everything they say, think and feel, and if you don’t, you’re wrong and also doing something they see as offensive. The narcissist expects you to follow their path no matter what – or at least the path they’ve laid out for you.

If you say you don’t want to do something they want you to do, or you don’t like something that they like – that will definitely trigger a narcissist’s anger. Why? Because narcissists need to be in control, which means they expect you to want and like the same things that they do. Otherwise, you can expect a bunch of illogical and overblown narcissistic rage.

Related: Frequent Anger and Irritability Could Signal Depression, Research Reveals

3. “I need to go to the doctor or the salon, or I need to take my medicine, or I need to do anything at all that involves self-care.”

Narcissists do not see you as an actual person. Rather, you’re an extension of them, as far as they’re concerned. That’s why, if you express to a narcissist that you are in dire need of self-care, and it goes against their plans and wishes, you can expect the narcissistic rage to show its ugly face. If they haven’t decided that you need whatever form of self-care you’re talking about, they’ll see it as selfish and unnecessary.

The only time they might NOT behave this way, in this case, is if showing some kind of humanity might benefit them – as in they have something else to do during that time or they are going to get some benefit out of being nice to you at this moment. It’s never about YOU, but always about them – and since they have no empathy whatsoever, they don’t care if you need a break or time to yourself. All they care about is that they are not going to have the narcissistic supply they need if you were to take care of yourself at a given time. How dare you have needs when they need you, right?

4. “So, my friends and I are going to hang out … or my friends are going to come over…”

The narcissist does not want you to see your friends, and if you attempt to do so, it will trigger a narcissist’s anger. You can fully expect that they’ll drop some rage on you. Why should this be the case? Well, it all goes back to the narcissist needing to be in control of you.

That, and the fact that if you are seeing your friends, two things might happen – one, you might actually have some emotional support that could result in your getting stronger and therefore more able to see that they’re actively psychologically manipulating and abusing you – and two, you might not be there if they happen to want or need something fro you.

And if you have the nerve to tell the narcissist that you want to see your friends or family without them? They expect you to be there for them, and only them as you are not allowed to have time in your schedule, space in your life, or energy for anyone else.

Related: Conversational Narcissist: How To Deal With Someone Who Always Talks About Themselves

5. “It’s not all about you, you know.”

Because of course it always IS all about the narcissist, right? It’s almost funny when you think about how self-centered a narcissist can be. But when we are talking about the toxic type of narcissist who is prone to psychological abuse, it’s less funny and more alarming. Telling a narcissist that it’s not all about them is just like saying to them that they absolutely do not matter.

For example, let’s say it’s your wedding day. Your best man or maid of honor is your best friend, and your narcissistic mother has a problem with this person for some reason (probably because they take away from the narcissistic supply you give your mother if we’re being honest, but anyhoo…). For weeks, your mother has complained that you won’t remove this person from your wedding party.

She doesn’t even think they should be invited to your wedding. After all, why would you do that to HER? Doesn’t she matter? She guilt trips you and says things like, “Oye, you’re killing your mother!” Normally, you’d totally cave, just to shut her up. But gosh darn it, you think, this is my WEDDING day, and I want my best friend with me! And now, on the big day, your mother texts you that she’s not going to make it to your wedding since you obviously think your friend is more important than she is. Oh, and since your BFF is so important, she adds, you can have them pay for the part of the wedding your mother promised to pay for.

6. “Wow, you’re really playing the victim here…”

Ever try to call out a narcissist on the victim act? If you have, then you know exactly what to expect: they will absolutely act as though you’ve just pooped in their cheerios. In other words, they’ll ramp up the narcissistic injury factor. See, when a narcissist gets upset, hurt, or offended about being treated like a normal person, or when they don’t get special treatment or favors, or literally anytime they don’t get what they want – they default to the victim mode.

Often, this tactic is used in combination with narcissistic rage to get what they want from you. In the case of calling them out and pointing out this tactic, you can expect them to make you feel so bad about yourself that you’ll be begging them to accept your apology – and while you’d be considered the victim of psychological abuse in this situation by any logical person who knew the whole story the narcissist will use this as a way to tell everyone how much you have hurt THEM – and the worst part is that you might even believe them if they’ve gotten good enough at reading you and pushing your buttons by this point in the relationship.

Related: 7 Ways Past Emotional Manipulation Changes The Way, Women Love

7. “Have you considered changing this about yourself?” or “Could you maybe try it this way instead?”

Basically, anytime you have the nerve to criticize a narcissist, you’re playing with fire. As you know, narcissists are incredibly insecure and because of his, they cannot and will not accept criticism in any way at all – not even constructive criticism.  Even if you were gentle about it. EVEN IF THEY ASK YOU FOR IT!

For example, if they’ve written a speech for work and ask you to listen to it before they present it. “Give me your honest thoughts,” they’ll say. “I promise, I won’t get mad. I just want you to tell me the truth!” But if you say anything other than, “OMG, that was so perfect! You should change nothing!” You’re in trouble.

The way the narcissist sees it, you are still knocking them down. And if the speech doesn’t get them plenty of kudos at work the next day, watch out! Then they will blame you for NOT sharing whatever it was that they feel they didn’t do right. It’s sort of a double-bind situation if you think about it. Another example: Let’s say you don’t like the soup they made.

They’ll expectantly watch you take the first bite and say, “So, what do you think?” If you tell them that the soup is a bit bland and needs more seasoning, you might as well have spit it back in their face – that will trigger a narcissist’s anger like hell. They’re going to be offended and react accordingly. They’ll either tell you that your taste buds are broken, or that you’re just plain stupid (or something of that nature) – or they’ll see it as an attack on their very soul. So what does this mean? Sadly, it means you have to lie to a narcissist sometimes in order to avoid rage.

To say a narcissist is crazy-making is to say the very, very least. What it all comes down to is that saying these kinds of things that you say to a narcissist will absolutely trigger their insecurities – which is exactly why they get angry so easily. And since they have the emotional capacity of a toddler, you can expect them to react in kind. Ultimately, what it means is that you must always censor yourself with a narcissist if you want to avoid their anger. You cannot express your needs, wants, and opinions without facing the consequences – so consider this the next time you have to deal with one of these toxic people.

Related video:


Written by Angela Atkinson
Originally appeared on: Queenbeeing.com and is republished with permission.

Things Say To Trigger Narcissists Anger pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Respond to a Manipulative Apology: 7 Ways You Can Turn the Tables on Emotional Manipulation

Ways to Handle a Manipulative Apology

Manipulative apologies are tricky; they sound like remorse but actually aim to shift blame, guilt-trip, or control the situation. Learning how to respond to a manipulative apology is crucial to maintaining emotional balance and protecting your well-being.

Always remember that apology without change is manipulative, and the quicker you realize that, the better it will be for you and emotional well-being.

Let’s dive into what is a manipulative apology, how does a narcissist apologize and how to respond to a manipulative apology, so that you can handle these situations with confidence, and not get caught in an emotional trap.

Related:

Up Next

9 Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream ‘Stay Away!’

Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream Stay Away

Ever met someone who just seemed a little too… intense? Maybe they needed control, demanded admiration, or seemed to enjoy making others uncomfortable? These aren’t just common personality flaws – these are actually malignant narcissist traits.

Spotting these traits can help you steer clear of the emotional roller coaster that follows such people around. We’ll dive into exactly what is a malignant narcissist, the warning signs to watch out for, and how to deal with a malignant narcissist.

So, let’s get started shall we? We will begin with what is a malignant narcissist.

Related:

Up Next

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 9 Ways to Flip the Script

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

So, you’re ready to learn how to make a narcissist miserable? Let’s be real – dealing with one can feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending soap opera, where they’re the star, and you’re the… well, supporting character.

But guess what? You don’t have to play along! Narcissists live off attention, praise, and control, so what if you start flipping the script?

The goal here isn’t revenge but taking back your power. Today we are going to talk about how to hurt a narcissist where it hurts, and what to say to a narcissist to make them feel bad.

Related: Tired of Ent

Up Next

Tired of Entitled People? 8 Clever Ways to Keep Your Cool

Ways to Keep Your Cool

Entitled people—they’re everywhere, and dealing with them can be downright draining. Whether it’s at work, among friends, or even family, you may find yourself constantly bumping into people who seem to think the world revolves around them.

But handling them without losing your cool? That’s the real trick. From understanding the entitlement mentality to recognizing the signs of an entitled person and learning how to deal with entitled people, this guide will help you navigate these tricky interactions without letting frustration take over.

Let’s dive in and uncover some clever, calming strategies for managing the entitled in your life.

First, let’s try to understand what it means to have a sense of entitlement.

Up Next

Why Is Narcissism On The Rise? The Shocking Connection to the Wetiko Mindset!

Why Is Narcissism On The Rise Wetiko

Why is narcissism on the rise? It seems like everywhere we look, we find more people focused on themselves, seeking constant admiration, and lacking empathy.

While many chalk it up to social media or a “me-first” culture, there’s an ancient concept that might hold deeper answers: the Wetiko mindset.

Rooted in Indigenous teachings, Wetiko represents a mindset of self-centeredness, greed, and disconnection, which eerily aligns with modern narcissism.

By exploring this concept, we can uncover why there’s a rise in narcissism and how we can address it. Read on to know more about this mindset and what it means.

Related:

Up Next

Weaponized Incompetence: 7 Ways Narcissists Manipulate You With This Stealthy Trick

Weaponized Incompetence Narcissists Manipulate You

“Weaponized incompetence” might sound like a complex term, but you’ve probably experienced it at some point. Imagine dealing with someone who magically “forgets” how to do something just to avoid doing it, leaving you with all the work.

This manipulative trick is often used by narcissists to get out of responsibilities while making you feel overly critical or even guilty. In relationships, whether personal or professional, it’s a stealthy tactic that can leave you exhausted and overwhelmed.

Today, we are going to talk about what is weaponized incompetence, the signs of weaponized incompetence and how to deal with weaponized incompetence. So, ready to know more about this?

Let’s start with what is weaponized incompetence.

Up Next

Are You The Scapegoat In A Narcissistic Family? 8 Scapegoat Roles

Being the scapegoat of a narcissistic family is tough and confusing. You might feel like you are always the problem, no matter what you do. But did you know there are actually different types of family scapegoats? Yup, there are 8 distinct kinds, each with it’s own unique challenges.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

But, who is a scapegoat really? When it comes a narcis