Now he’s on her mind all the time, and she’s frustrated because he’s responding to her texts less and less frequently.
It’s not Sandy’s — or your — fault that sex and orgasms release oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone. It’s simple scientific fact.
So, you might feel more attached to a guy after sleeping with him. It’s normal, lady.
But for a man, especially if he thinks there’s just something casual happening between you two, he may get a little freaked out when he sees that you’re making googly eyes at him post-coitus.
You might be giving off signs that you want more than just a bootie call. You might ask what his weekend plans are, fully hoping that he’ll include you in them. You might talk about a concert happening three months from now, making it clear that you assume you’ll still be together.
If your behavior is making him pull away, you’ll soon know. He may lose interest, especially if he’s not really interested in that level of emotional connection right now.
If you really aren’t getting emotionally attached, communicate that. Tell him you like things being casual like they are. Or if you are ready to take things to the next level, go ahead and put it out there so that everything’s on the table.
Again, better to mark him off the list if he’s not in the same headspace as you than to waste time on him.
5. Not All Relationships are Meant to Last
If you think about it, many — if not most — relationships you have in your life are just meant to last a very short period of time.
There are, in fact, stages of a relationship:
- Initial attraction
- Honeymoon period and peak sexual attraction
- Post-honeymoon with connection and chemistry
- Comfort and stability with some reduction in sexual desire
- Possible conflict
- Resolution by breaking up or getting past the conflict
Just because there are six steps here doesn’t mean they can’t all happen in a matter of weeks! Some relationships fizzle out quickly, and honestly, those are better because you quickly figure out he’s not the right guy and can move on.
You may really, really hope that this guy is The One, but no amount of wishing will make that the case if he’s not supposed to be. In fact, the simple term “The One” indicates that…wait for it…there’s just one guy for you!
So expecting a new fling to turn into a long and fulfilling relationship? Well, the chances are slim. A million little factors need to line up. In order for a relationship to last, you need to survive so many levels of compatibility: sexual compatibility, intellectual compatibility, values, interests.
So many things need to click for two people to really have something for the long haul.
And many times when two people have sex for the first time, that’s a moment of clarity in the relationship. A lot of times men will just back off because having sex somehow opens their eyes to understanding that this is not what they want.
Don’t take it as an indication that you were bad in bed. Take it to mean that he got the message first that you two are not meant to be. He can’t be wrong; it only takes one person to decide that a couple isn’t going to work out; you can accept it and move on, or get angry and try to force him to love you.
Guess which will get better results.
You have to find a needle in the haystack. Nearly literally. Dating is all about getting to know more people so that you figure out what you want in a guy and then find him when the time is right and the stars align.
But don’t let him be the only one to determine whether this relationship has potential. Consider how things are outside of the bedroom. Do you enjoy spending time with him? Do you look forward to seeing him? Do you miss him when you’re not with him?