When you try to move on from a narcissist, chances are they will try to win you back. Not because they care about you but because you are a good narcissistic supply for them. And how do they do this? By resorting to narcissistic baiting. There are 6 types of bait narcissists use that you should know about so that you can protect yourself from their games.
Do you ever feel like as soon as you’re finally getting away from the narcissist in your life, they somehow suck you back in? This is no accident; it’s baiting, and it’s intentional. Today, I’m breaking down six types of baiting because your best chance of breaking free is to understand the playbook. Let’s get to it.
I’ll bet that you’ve encountered a narcissist or two. That’s the interesting connection between narcissists and baiting. Narcissists have predatory personalities and usually work alone, but you may have been unlucky enough to encounter many.
If you’re in that club, the only consolation prize is that you’ve probably grown wiser with each encounter. You can probably relate to this list of narcissistic baiting types. I’ve organized them in order of complexity.
The first types of baiting are likely to work when you’re still interested and unsure whether you’re dealing with a narcissist. There’s a pull there, and the narcissist uses it to their advantage. As we get further into the list, the tactics get a little more complex, and this complexity is necessary when you’re tired of the narcissist nonsense. You know exactly who you’re dealing with, and you’re over it.
6 Types Of Narcissistic Baiting
1. Claiming Insider Information
This one will probably only work if you’re still caught in the narcissist’s web and flailing. You may receive a text or a phone call about something that piques your interest. The narcissist knows that it will bring up questions for you that need to be answered, usually directly related to your anxieties or desires.
For example, the narcissist may have dirt on your arch-nemesis, or they may want you to believe they do. They send a message that says, “You’ll never guess this thing about this person. Call me right away.” It takes advantage of your desire to see something bad happen to someone who has most likely done terrible things to you. Narcissists excel at commiserating.
It is their wheelhouse and a very comfortable place for them; it may even be their natural state. Be wary of people who enjoy gossiping, even if it’s about your worst enemies.
Another form of baiting that piques curiosity is when a narcissist claims to have information about someone who may be plotting against you or anything else that causes anxiety and makes you feel unsafe. It could be information about a company you work for or your current residence.
The trick here is that the narcissist will claim to have insider information because of their connections, which you won’t be able to find on Google. You must contact them if you want to learn more about this.
Here, we start to get more advanced. For guilt-tripping to work, you must care about the narcissist or those who may think you’re heartless if you don’t. When the narcissist hasn’t heard from you in a while, they begin to blame you. They may blame you directly for their unhappiness, but they will often claim that someone else has wronged them and caused emotional devastation.
This can be very appealing if you aren’t aware of the narcissist’s schemes. It’s especially effective in the male-female narcissist dynamic, especially if the male has a savior complex. If you have a savior complex, whether male or female, you will believe that your worth is determined by your ability to save others.
Saving the narcissist will temporarily fill you up. Some of you are well aware of this, but the narcissist who guilt trips you based on your behavior is frequently your parent. You might get a call saying, “If you called me now and then, you might know how difficult things have been for me.”
The implication is that if you had only cared enough to call, you could have saved them. This type of behavior can be complex, especially from a parent, because they’ve planted deep-seated issues within you. This type of baiting is often the low-hanging fruit when dealing with someone you haven’t known for a lifetime.
3. False Hope
False hope is the next type of baiting, which usually revolves around reconnecting with the narcissist. This is referred to as hoovering, but there is a fine line between hoovering and baiting. True hoovering occurs when the narcissist intends to reconnect and pick up where they left off. Baiting occurs when they do not intend to follow through but want you to believe they will.
They want you to believe that the reconnection or change of heart is imminent. They’re preparing you for the next time they want to reconnect, assuming such a time ever comes. It’s preventing you from fully overcoming them and putting them in the rearview mirror. You know how in horror movies, the victims are running, and the attacker is following them?
The attacker always manages to catch up. It’s not logical, but dealing with a narcissist isn’t either. You’re putting everything into getting away from this toxic individual. Despite your best efforts, they manage to stay right behind you, just out of reach but close enough to be dangerous.
Unfortunately, this one works very well, which is why you see it on the news every day – “The secret ingredient in your morning coffee that is slowly killing you. More at eleven o’clock.” That is fear-mongering at its best. When fear-mongering manifests itself in personal relationships, it is not always as obvious, and it feels more personal.
Fear-mongering usually preys on a person’s fear of embarrassment, and it becomes a form of emotional blackmail. “If you don’t call me back right away, I’ll tell everyone about this embarrassing fact about you that you don’t want anyone to know.” The fear is that everyone will notice your embarrassment or shame and judge you negatively.
It makes no difference how involved the narcissist was. You could have had an affair with a narcissist who threatens to expose you if you don’t contact them. They may also try to approach someone you care about to instill fear that the other person will be hurt.
A narcissist may also imply that things will go wrong for you if you cross them. You’ll take the bait if you believe their threats and want to avoid the negative consequences.
5. The Smear Campaign
Narcissists use smear campaigns for various reasons, one of which is to draw you out of hiding. If you’ve cut them off and they’re desperate for your supply, they may try to entice you by slandering your name.
This is even mentioned in a popular song. “You’ve been running around throwing dirt on my name because you knew I’d call you up,” the lyrics say. That lyric perfectly expresses how narcissists use smear campaigns to capture your attention and entice you into their drama cycle.
6. Triggering Emotional Response
Only after you’ve been close to a narcissist or if you were raised by one can you experience an emotional response. Narcissists accomplish this by bringing up sensitive topics and making you feel you need to defend yourself. Triggers are unique to each individual, so this occurs later in the relationship. The narcissist requires time to figure out what triggers your emotions.
They will almost always trigger you to make you look like the abuser in front of an audience. They’re inciting reactive abuse, which is your reaction to this person’s psychological warfare.
You become highly reactive, and you may lash out or do or say things you will come to regret. They make you appear overly sensitive to the outside world because no one else knows that the narcissist’s remark was only the tip of a massive iceberg.
It could be something you’ve argued about a million times, but they bring it up first. They may bring up insecurity to embarrass you. Assume you’re a highly-skilled accountant currently unemployed, but you’re proud of your career and have worked hard to get where you are.
In front of a crowd, the narcissist mentions that they know of a janitorial service looking to hire unskilled labor. A statement like that implies you’re so desperate for work that you’ll disregard your education and experience and take any job that comes your way. You might be embarrassed if you thought people believed that.
The narcissist’s remark implies that your work, education, and experience are all for naught. It takes away from who you are and what you’ve accomplished.
Narcissists enjoy exaggerating your accomplishments, and in this case, they’ve cornered you. You don’t see anything wrong with janitorial work and respect people who choose that line of work, but acting offended makes you appear superior to others. The narcissist makes you appear narcissistic.
There’s a lot more to each type of baiting, and I’ve got a couple of videos you might find useful. Watch my video on The Fall of the Flying Monkeys if you’re dealing with a smear campaign. Flying Monkeys are people who do the narcissist’s bidding and encourage the smear campaign.
As you’ll see in this video, they may appear to be doing much better than you, but they aren’t. Watch this video on breadcrumbing if you feel like you’re getting false hope from the narcissist, the third type of baiting on this list. The term perfectly describes how and why the narcissist lures people in with false hope.
Want to know more about narcissistic baiting and narcissist baiting examples? Check this video out below!
Written By Common Ego Originally Appeared On Common Ego