11. They have unrealistic expectations
Expectations can lead to a lot of issues even in healthy relationships. However, when your partner is over possessive they will have unrealistic expectations from the relationship and will demand you meet them all. A possessive boyfriend or girlfriend might push you into making a long-term commitment like getting engaged or living together and make you feel the pressure to commit constantly. Moreover, your partner will believe that they should be the only person in your life and your life should revolve around them.
12. They don’t want to hear ‘No’
If you disagree with anything they say or ask, they will become extremely upset and will respond in a toxic manner. They will either emotionally manipulate you or will become increasingly demanding to make you pay for saying ‘no’.
13. They become defensive
Every time you try to communicate openly and tell your possessive boyfriend or girlfriend that they need to respect your personal space and accept you for what you are, they immediately become defensive. They are unapologetic and promptly offer numerous excuses to support and justify their behaviors and actions. They don’t think they are wrong and this is how relationships usually work. They always have some type of justification prepared when confronted.
How to deal with a possessive partner
“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” – Robert A. Heinlein
Can you identify some or all of these signs of a possessive partner? Is your relationship healthy or destructive? Possessiveness in relationships stems from insecurity, which finds its roots in the fear of abandonment, helplessness and rejection. The main reason possessive boyfriend or girlfriend is controlling is because they have an exceptional dearth of self-confidence and self-love. They believe they need you to feel secure and happy.
Here are a few ways you can deal with possessiveness in your romantic relationship:
1. Boost your self-confidence and self-respect
Possessiveness can seriously affect your self-esteem and you need to re-establish your self-confidence. Practice self-care and self-assertiveness and learn to stand up for your rights.
2. Talk to your partner
Take some time out and sit down with your partner to have an open and honest conversation about how their controlling behavior affects you. Make sure you’re calm and composed and refrain from getting too emotional. Moreover, you need to be patient and assertive while listening to your partner.
Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend how much you love them and try to make them feel safe and secure in the relationship.
3. Expect retaliation
It is not easy for anyone to accept criticism directly, especially when it comes from the person they love. Understand that your partner may feel offended, upset, dismissive and angry when you talk to them. So it’s crucial that you are mentally prepared to deal with their reaction and that you remain calm.
4. Give it time
If your partner listens, understands and agrees with you, then give them the time and space to work on themselves and make things better. If you love your partner and think your relationship can have a better future, then you need to be patient. Understand that things can get messy and there will be slip-ups. You can’t expect someone to change their behavior in a matter of days.
Support your partner during this transition period and help them through the process. However if things still don’t work out, it is better to end the relationship for your own mental and emotional well being.
Never accept toxic possessiveness
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
Being smothered and suffocated in your relationship can be extremely frustrating and stressful. If you feel your partner is controlling and manipulating you in the name of love, then you need to take a stand and start being assertive.
Being in a relationship should not feel like a life sentence. It should feel empowering and liberating. Follow the tips shared above and try to guide your partner towards building a healthier and happier relationship.