Narcissistic Supply: How You Provide Necessary Ignition for the Narcissist’s Fuel

Do you think you are a narcissistic supply?

Fuel (n.)  a substance that can be consumed to produce energy. 
Synonyms: diesel oil, gasoline, kerosene, coal oil, coal gas, fossil fuel, illuminant, combustible material, lamp oil, petrol, charcoal, fire, butane, gasoline, nuclear fuel, propane

Fuel (v.) provide with a combustible substance that provides energy
Synonyms: render, supply, provide, refuel, furnish, gas up, take up, take in

Survivors of narcissistic abuse are often caught in the crosshairs of dismantling cognitive dissonance in the aftermath of recovery. Part of the process of healing is acquiring a deep understanding and psychoeducation of the nature of narcissistic abuse.

Survivors read about Narcissistic Supply (NS), or the “ego fuel” that narcissists require from their relationships to maintain their precariously fragile psychological innards.

Related: The Empath, The Narcissist And The Brutal Reality Of Their Toxic Relationship

As mentioned in other articles, we know that extreme narcissists exist without a solid core identity due to factors that, in many cases, stem from childhood abuse and lack of a consistent, nurturing caregiver. In order to fill their psychic void, narcissists spend the vast majority of their day- time energy mining for emotional reactions from the people in their lives.

Emotional fuel can be positive, as in admiration, adulation, praise, empathy, compassion, attention, kindness, physical affection, and validation. Or it can be negative, as in an emotional response that shows anger, hurt, tears, humiliation, shame, yelling, embarrassment, and jealousy.

Extreme narcissists use both forms of NS to top off their gas tank of ego fuel, although the negative emotional reaction is actually a more potent and high-quality form of emotional propane.

Part of the healing process for survivors of this form of psychological abuse is the understanding that their narcissistic abuser actually did not feel empathy towards the survivor’s pain and suffering.

In fact, it is the sadistic extraction of NS as a result of causing emotional pain to the survivor that generates the most ego fuel for the abuser.  

Related: Narcissus And Echo: The Heartbreak Of Relationships With Narcissists

An extreme narcissist feels powerful and in control when they can simultaneously bolster up their love object on a pedestal and then subsequently wallop them off with abusive words.  For extreme narcissists, the love relationship is not about love. It is about acquiring and extracting prime grade NS, or ego fuel, even at the expense of their love object’s well-being. To an extreme narcissist, relationships exist for that reason alone.

The extreme narcissist actually seeks out high-empathy individuals to supply this delicious, exceptional quality ego fuel. If you are an individual who happens to be intuitive, empathic, compassionate, authentic, and a person of integrity, often extreme narcissists will target you for high-grade premium combustion.

Related: 20 Narcissistic Terms: A Glossary of Terms for Understanding Narcissism

Whether in work, love, or family relationships, it is the reaction of a caring individual that fills the psychic void of the extreme narcissist parasite, because the abuser lacks those very qualities and is, in essence, seeking to absorb the exquisite emotional fuel from their host.

Those abusers who tend toward the malignant end of the scale of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) deliberately seek to cause harm in a sadistic fashion so as to extract the NS of their love objects/subordinates/family members.

They actually take pleasure in emotionally abusing a supply-source after a period of seduction/infatuation/love-bombing. Those abusers who are more garden-variety narcissists may not operate consciously to cause intentional harm but nonetheless, if emotional reaction fuel is available, then it will be taken and lapped up eagerly should the opportunity present itself.

What can a high-empathy, intuitive individual do to protect themselves from the seduction and mesmerizing advances of a pathological emotional vampire?

First off, know your worth. Any relationship that is healthy takes time to gradually build with mutual vulnerability, reciprocity and trust-building.

If you are suddenly slammed with a marriage proposal and you feel like it’s too good to be true, the pace is dizzying, the sex is mystical, other-worldly, and spell-bounding, you best slow down and take a deep breath.

More than likely your romantic partner has commenced love-bombing so as to secure you as a source of Grade A Narcissistic Supply. All the potent bonding chemicals of endorphins and oxytocin are bathing your system to create an irresistible bond.

Related: 7 Sneaky Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back  

Devaluing and Discard will be shortly around the corner; what goes up must come down. And down it will come, with abusive language, silent treatments, gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse and put-downs, blame-shifting/projection, and smear campaigns. Cortisol and adrenaline surge in the survivor during this trauma of emotional abuse. A trauma bond has been formed. All to elicit ego fuel for the extreme narcissist. 

When survivors go No Contact from their abusers, they cease to provide that desirable cocktail of essential Narcissistic Supply. The survivor generates a shield of protection from further abuse by instigating and continuing with No Contact, in addition to healing from the trauma of emotional abuse by working with qualified helping professionals.

Related: The Silent Treatment Vs. No Contact: What’s The Difference?

Recovery work includes further reduction of cognitive dissonance through trauma-informed psychotherapy, enhancing self-esteem and fortifying boundaries, developing healthy and strong social support networks and self-care regimes, and of course, working through the traumatic grief of the relationship.

As a survivor heals through all these stages, s/he is able to hold on to their precious life energy which includes the beautiful qualities of empathy, integrity, authenticity, reciprocity, honesty, compromise, accountability, and compassion.

The survivor turns these healthy qualities towards themselves and is empowered to share their psychological and emotional strengths with deserving and safe others who can reciprocate such compassion.

The extreme narcissist eventually ceases to sink fangs in the survivor’s neck, because the survivor has embraced his/her strength and inner knowing, fortifying self-awareness and compassion with solid and healthy boundaries, strong social supports, and renewed self-confidence. When the inevitable hoover occurs, the soul vampire is not able to partake of a prior love interest’s lifeblood. And eventually, the emotional abuse is extinguished.

Related: Healing From A Relationship With A Narcissist

Healing for the survivor is inevitable with No Contact and trauma-informed psychotherapy with a compassionate psychotherapist skilled in understanding narcissistic abuse. 

Are you ready to heal?

Related video:


Originally appeared on ANDREA SCHNEIDER, MSW, LCSW

Republished with permission

Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic Supply Pin

— Share —

, ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Respond to a Manipulative Apology: 7 Ways You Can Turn the Tables on Emotional Manipulation

Ways to Handle a Manipulative Apology

Manipulative apologies are tricky; they sound like remorse but actually aim to shift blame, guilt-trip, or control the situation. Learning how to respond to a manipulative apology is crucial to maintaining emotional balance and protecting your well-being.

Always remember that apology without change is manipulative, and the quicker you realize that, the better it will be for you and emotional well-being.

Let’s dive into what is a manipulative apology, how does a narcissist apologize and how to respond to a manipulative apology, so that you can handle these situations with confidence, and not get caught in an emotional trap.

Related:

Up Next

9 Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream ‘Stay Away!’

Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream Stay Away

Ever met someone who just seemed a little too… intense? Maybe they needed control, demanded admiration, or seemed to enjoy making others uncomfortable? These aren’t just common personality flaws – these are actually malignant narcissist traits.

Spotting these traits can help you steer clear of the emotional roller coaster that follows such people around. We’ll dive into exactly what is a malignant narcissist, the warning signs to watch out for, and how to deal with a malignant narcissist.

So, let’s get started shall we? We will begin with what is a malignant narcissist.

Related:

Up Next

What Is Child Abuse? Recognizing The Warning Signs

Child abuse and neglect is a very sensitive subject that needs to be handled with care.

One can’t really associate a state like this with just bruises. There is emotional, as well as physical exploitation. Also, for a little kid to heal or recover from it, the earlier one spots the signs of it, the better it is.

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or it’s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, we’re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults – those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

Are Adult Temper Tantrums Dangerous? Recognizing and Addressing the Risks

Adult temper tantrums can be really unpredictable and you never know which direction they might take. This article is going to discuss the dangers of temper tantrums in adults, so that you know how to protect yourself.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

KEY POINTS

Adult temp

Up Next

Spotting Emotional Neglect In Childhood: 8 Important Clues

Anyone who has been through emotional neglect in childhood knows that it never leaves you; it haunts you for the rest of your life. It’s like an invisible wound, that may not leave invisible scars, but it can shape you in ways you might not even notice.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Maybe it was the feeling that something’s missing from your childhood, but you cou

Up Next

Romantic Manipulation: 10 Subtle Phrases To Watch Out For

Romantic manipulation is sneaky, and it can creep into a relationships without either person fully realizing it. We have all heard those phrases that sound sweet or caring but leaves a bitter aftertaste, making us second-guess our feelings.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Manipulative partners often have a way with words, twistin