Why is modern love so hard? Why Modern Relationships Fall Apart?
People might come up with a number of perspectives on why modern love is so hard, but to get to the point, it crucial to ask ourselves if we are correctly defining love. We get so entangled in the glamour of ‘having a partner’ to increase our ‘self-worth’ that we are unknowingly selling love short.
Also, let’s talk about people who believe having fun, selling compassion and reassurance, supporting each other and keep things happening with your ‘date’ is love. We will forget to love, we will erroneously define love unless we learn to de-commoditize love. Most of us view love as a way to complete ourselves.
One unwanted yet ineluctable by-product of modernization is our detachment from sensitivity. We are increasingly distancing from the emotional and empathic aspect of being. Our sense of self is increasingly dissolving, making us more prone to being dependent on another individual to complete us. This has always made us look for the next best thing while ‘searching’ for a prospective mate. Is there someone better out there?
Let’s look at these reasons why modern relationships are falling apart:
10 reasons why modern relationships are falling apart
1. Not ready for love.
Most of us are ‘accidentally’, ‘situationally’ in love with our partners. We are not ready for the sacrifices, dedication, persistence, and patience that true, unconditional love demands of us.
We easily give up on love. Just a trivial misunderstanding, unresolved conflicts, repeated fallouts are enough to break a relationship apart. We are not persistent enough to stick to each other through thick and thin.
2. We are not seeking love, we are seeking a thrill.
We do not believe in the security of predictability, we love the thrill of the unknown. We make memories, the good and the bad, we spend time with our partners, hang out with them, talk with them, chat with them but a moment of silence, a chunk of mundane can spoil the fun.
We love the adventure and the exclusively unique experiences that our ‘new’ relationship gives us. But nobody taught us how to sustain when things get boring, monotonous and stale.
3. We are scared to dive deeper into love.
We say we are in love with a person we hardly really know. We are scared to invest our emotions, our time and efforts to the fullest in the fear of loss of self and also of the person we are in love with.
We are petrified about the future. What if he/she leaves me? We defensively keep things to the surface. We seldom go deeper, beyond the surface of the person, and look into our partner’s soul. We rarely connect spiritually.
4. Love is a convenience for us.
In our busy lives, love has become an option. We are left with little or no time to appreciate or value love. Our endless marathon to chase materialistic lives has left little time to make loving our partner a priority.
5. Instant gratification is our thing.
We want instant results for our investments. If we are investing in our studies, our career, we look for it’s earliest results. We do not understand the importance of emotional maturity that comes with age, the understanding between partners that develop over time, our increased ability to accept each other with time.
We need everything right here and now. We want to seek the pleasure and sensation of love at this moment. We cannot wait for the flower of love, that blossoms over time.
6. We are always looking for the next best person to love.
We have learned to be cautious. We like to keep options for one might become old and boring, while the other stays new and exciting. We are not ready to accept the imperfections of our partners. Why do we even need to? We have so many other fishes out there in the water.
We get easily distracted to the slightest temptations and give in to it. When we can easily ‘breakup’ with one person and seek the novel thrill of another, why waste time on one person who brings no fun to life?
7. We do not get the chance to experience the pangs of longing for our partner.
Our physical distance is hugely curbed by technology where our presence has effectively been replaced by videos, audios, images, texts, and voicemails. In the old times, when means of communication were scarce, people valued relationships. They got a chance to feel the pangs of separation.
Our need to spend time in person has become less crucial now. This has greatly decreased the quality of our relationships. But surprisingly, technology has catered well to the number of relationships a person can carry off!
8. For us, love is all about co-dependency.
We are needy people in love. We become so self-focused that all we want is to be provided with love, attention, affection, appreciation, encouragement without us making any sorts of investments to the relationship. We are dependent on our partner to cater to the needs we never got fulfilled since our very childhood.
We believe our partners are here to complete us as beings. We do not realize that we are complete by ourselves and in no need for being completed by our partner.
9. We’re the generation who believe in ‘hook-ups’ more than ‘make-ups’.
A very new technique to judge if a person is lovable enough or not is to make out with him/her Like getting date has currently got easier, getting laid has got easier than getting drunk. And if it is good, we can later call for a relationship.
We get physically intimate with a person, not because we feel the intense emotional and spiritual connection with them anymore. we do it because we can and it makes us feel good about ourselves. It makes us feel wanted, approved and attractive.
10. We are no more the generation of wild lovers.
There was a time before modernization robbed us of our humane instincts, we used to love wild.
Our love and affection ran amuck. We could do anything for the person we fell in love with. We could love unreasonably, uncontrollably and unconditionally. Such love crossed barriers, overcame logic and reached heights.
Love, as this is extinct today.
We are not falling apart in love. We are evaluating. Evaluation, they call it.
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