5 Ways We Sabotage A Relationship By The Things We See On TV

 / 

,
Things See On TV Sabotage Healthy Relationship

“The grass is greener on the other side”; whether we believe it to not we all live by this phrase. Relationships look much healthier and fancier on the other side of the screen. Despite how much we like Monica and Chandler, or Randall and Beth, TV couples can actually sabotage a relationship.

Comparing your relationship to the imaginative ones and expecting that your relationship can be better like your ideal TV couple are actually ruining your healthy relationship instead of strengthening it.

Every time I watch TV (which I do often) I think about all of the things we see on TV that sabotage a healthy relationship. Of course, we all say we recognize that what we see on TV isn’t how the real world works but I know that many of us, myself included, secretly hope that it is. As a result, it is difficult for us to keep a healthy relationship, healthy; because of the example that TV sets for us.

When I express my concerns to my clients and friends, I am always surprised when they tell me that they don’t see what I see but, when I explain it, they totally get it.

To that end, I want to share with you 5 things we see on TV that sabotage a healthy relationship so that you can try to shift your perspective and find the healthy relationship that you want.

Sabotage A Relationship
Sabotaging Behavior In Relationships: How Tv Shows Affect Relationship

How TV Can Sabotage A Relationship?

1. Storming off.

I don’t know how many of you have watched Shonda Rhimes’ TV shows: Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder. Full disclosure – I have watched every episode of every one of these shows.

Anyway, Shonda Rhimes is an amazing writer and the words she writes for her characters are very human and touching. Unfortunately, her characters are prone to stating their human and touching words and then walking away, leaving the person they delivered their monologue to look confused/thoughtful/hopeful, etc.

For a long time, I thought that this was the way to communicate in relationships. To say something smart and sassy and impressive and then turn on my heels and walk away, expecting my person to either follow me or have some epiphany because of my words of wisdom. Surprisingly, neither one of those things has ever happened!

Instead, giving a speech and then walking away only made two things happen – my person never followed me, which made me feel unimportant, and making a declarative statement and then not sticking around for follow-up discussion was unproductive.

What I have learned is that, instead of declarative statements, it is important that people have discussions around issues – good or bad. It is the give and takes of a discussion that settles issues and keeps relationships healthy.

So, how about you? Are you a stalk away kind of person or do you stay and talk and work things out, one way or the other? If you are the former you might find that you sabotage your healthy relationship every time you do.

2. Quick resolutions.

Shonda Rhimes, and other TV writers, have 50 minutes to cover the beginning, middle, and end of a story. Because of the time limitations, issues have to be settled quickly.

In last week’s Grey’s Anatomy, at the beginning of the show, a new couple, Kai and Amelia, were lying in bed, basking in the aura of new love. By the end of the show, they were broken up. In the middle of the show, Kai witnessed firsthand, Amelia’s devotion to her kids.

Kai didn’t want kids and, over the course of 45 minutes (or one evening in TV land), they decided to break up with Amelia. At minute 48 they did it, quickly and smoothly, and at minute 49 Amelia was left, heartbroken, only to be approached by her ex at minute 50 leaving us clambering for what happens next.

In reality, that storyline wouldn’t happen so quickly. A new couple would have the time to get to know each other, would give each other space to bring family members into the relationship, discuss any issues that might arise, and either work together to come up with a solution or end the relationship.

The disparity between resolution on TV versus real-life can complicate a relationship. People expect things to wrap up as quickly and as painlessly as they do on TV and they are disappointed, and worse, when they don’t.

So, recognize that our lives are lived in more than fifty-minute increments. It’s ok to take your time before making a big move.

Read: 10 Love Resolutions For Single Women

3. Unrealistic intimacy.

Sexual issues in relationships are an epidemic in this modern world.  I believe that it is, at least partially, the result of the ever-presence of porn and TV sex scenes.

Over the past 15 years or so, the depiction of sex on TV has shifted demonstrably. When I was younger, kisses were chaste and the act of sex was implied. Now, on Prime Time TV, sex is explicit – to some degree even soft porn.

And while I am not judging this in and of itself, I do believe that this being some people’s primary exposure to sex sets them up for unrealistic expectations when it comes to sexual relationships.

I have a client who has the very limited sexual experience and she has found that she is struggling with the sex in her new relationship. She doesn’t understand why it can feel so stilted sometimes, why she and her partner don’t connect like the people she sees on TV and why doesn’t she have an orgasm at the same time as her boyfriend, as her favorite character does every week?

These feelings have left her bereft and not sure if it is her issue or a problem in the relationship. In reality, neither one of those things are true. What is at issue is her perceptions of what a sexual encounter should look like.

That perception is interfering with her enjoying the sex that she has with her boyfriend for just what it is. And sexual issues can sabotage a healthy relationship in a big way.

4. People will change.

Of course, people can change. Every day people do. But, I believe that change is incremental and driven by the person changing and wanting to do so. That kind of change is not what we see on TV. What we see on TV is a transformation that just isn’t possible – at least not in the real world.

I can’t tell you how many of my clients stay in toxic relationships because they believe that if they do if they just love their person enough, that person will change for the better. Or if they stay, things will go back to the honeymoon stage that they had in the beginning. I mean, they say, it happens on TV all the time. The love of a good woman changes a damaged man and everyone lives happily ever after.

Unfortunately, in real life, this isn’t usually the way it works. In real life, a woman stays with a damaged man at the expense of her own health and wellbeing. She gives and gives and gives, loves deeply, and ultimately just gets left heartbroken.

I am not saying that people can’t change. Of course, they can. I just believe that we can’t make someone change. That in order for someone to change, they have to want to make the change. They have to take the steps. And we can’t take those steps for them.

So, while TV tells you to stick it out, waiting until they change because they always do, know that doing so in real life might only end in heartbreak.

5. That love conquers all.

sabotage a relationship
Relationship Expectations

Oh, how I wish that this last one were true. That love is the cure to all that ails the world. Imagine what an amazing world we would have if love, indeed, was the fix.

Unfortunately, no matter how much we want it to be, love is not the thing that will change the world. And it’s not the thing that will fix a relationship. So many of my clients say ‘if he loved me, he would make this one thing happen.’ Or ‘if she loved me, she would change.’ I hear it all the time.

Read: Keeping Love Alive: How To Stop Your Soulmate From Becoming A Cellmate

And I believe that, no matter how much someone loves someone, there are just things that people can’t do. A married man loves his lover but can’t leave his wife. A woman loves her husband but work just takes priority some nights. A man loves his wife but still feels bound to see his mother every Sunday, even if his wife doesn’t like it.

The list goes on and on.

My point is this – just because your person can’t do what you want them to do, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. What it means is that they are just a person in the world, a flawed person who is trying to do their best. They love you deeply but they aren’t perfect. And no amount of love is going to give them the strength to make a difficult choice or move.

Unfortunately, what we see on TV doesn’t support this notion. What we see on TV is the person making the ultimate sacrifice, giving up on the thing that they love most for their person. After all, if you don’t have love, you have nothing. Right?

As a life coach, I see every day how the things we see on TV can sabotage a healthy relationship and it breaks my heart.

Again, I watch a lot of TVs and am not saying that we shouldn’t. All I am suggesting is that we take what we see with a grain of salt. That we enjoy our shows but know that what we see isn’t necessarily how things work in real-life relationships.

Healthy communication, realistic expectations around sex, and understanding that love doesn’t necessarily conquer all, and certainly not in fifty-minute increments, are all the things that can keep a healthy relationship healthy. So, go ahead, watch your shows. Enjoy them. I know that I am going to – with my boyfriend!

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin
Things See On TV Sabotage Healthy Relationship pin
5 Ways We Sabotage A Relationship By The Things We See On Tv

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

What Is Pebbling Love language? Tips To Spark Love

For some people love doesn’t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So here’s pebbling love language – inspired by penguins. Let’s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

What Is Pebbling Love language?

To attract a partner, male Gentoo penguins offer female penguins little stones or pebbles, to help build their nests.

Although humans don’t exchange rocks as a token of love, but the idea of penguin pebbling love language operates on the same basic principle of making someo



Up Next

Can TikTok’s ‘Meeting Someone Twice Theory’ Really Lead To Love?

Meeting Someone Twice Theory: Best Examples

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory – is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

So let’s learn how the universe might be making these things happen on purpose.

What Is The Meeting Someone Twice Theory?

You meet someone in passing at a coffee shop, party or on the street. You exchange fleeting pleasantries, maybe share a laugh or a conversation, and then life goes on as usual.

But then, weeks or months or years later, you cross paths again and th



Up Next

How To Forgive A Cheater And Move Forward: A Relationship Guide

How To Forgive A Cheater And Move On: A Relationship Guide

Trying to forgive a cheater can be one of the toughest challenges in a relationship, but it’s not impossible. Here’s a guide to help you heal your heart and move forward with confidence, grace and peace.

Did you know that around forty percent of unmarried relationships and twenty-five percent of marriages have at least one instance of infidelity?

If your partner has cheated on you, you’re not alone. Betrayal can be one of the most painful experiences in a relationship.

But it’s important to remember that forgiveness is not about excusing the behavior or forgetting what happened. It’s about letting go of the hurt and anger so that you can move forward.

In this guide, you will learn practical steps for how to forgive a cheater, inc



Up Next

7 Common Trauma Beliefs Preventing You From Finding Love

Common Trauma Beliefs Preventing You From Finding Love

Are you still single, even after putting in a lot of effort to find love? The answer might lie in your trauma beliefs. Yes, you heard me right. Trauma beliefs are the deep-seated, often subconscious notions formed from past painful experiences that shape how you see yourself and relationships, in general.

Beliefs caused by trauma can act as invisible barriers, keeping you from finding and maintaining love. If you are tired of feeling stuck in the same old patterns, it’s time to dig into these 7 trauma beliefs that might be sabotaging your love life.

So, are you ready to know all the ways trauma is keeping you single? Come on, let’s find out together.

Related:



Up Next

3 Relationship Check In Questions On Love, According To A Psychologist

Relationship Check In Questions For Couples In Love

It’s common for us to push relationships down our list of priorities when we get busy. We think we’ll make up for lost time later, assuming everything will be fine. But what if everything isn’t fine? Below are 3 crucial relationship check in questions for couples to make life simpler!

According to a recent publication of Current Issues in Personality Psychology, discussions were shown to be an effective strategy for solving disagreements and improving the quality of relationships.

So, a monthly relationship relationship check in questions can help keep your love boat afloat. Once a month, you and your partner can sit across from each other and talk. It isn’t about pointing fingers or finding fault; it’s about feeding the connection



Up Next

8 Clear Signs Someone Cares About You (Even If They Don’t Always Express It)

Unmistakable Signs Someone Cares About You

Are you confused about whether they genuinely care about you? Well, this article will take you through 8 unmistakable signs someone cares about you deeply, even though they do not always express it.

There is an ancient saying that actions speak louder than words. An expression like that tends to stick around for a reason, and this one does make a lot of sense. In our increasingly chaotic and noisy world, it’s easy to forget that some people struggle to verbalize their feelings. But remember, still waters run deep.

Just because someone struggles to express their feelings in words doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Actually, the real clues are buried within their actions. Look out for these telltale signs to know if someone cares about you genuinely:



Up Next

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

The question ‘What is the difference between codependence and interdependence?’ In reality, it asks whether a relationship is dysfunctional or healthy. Well, in today’s Best Day Blog, I will be taking you through the differences between the two and how to recover from codependency.

Dysfunctional Relationships

I talk a lot about what dysfunctional relationships can look like, but how do you develop a healthy relationship, and what does a healthy one look like?

Unfortunately, the idea of relationships we all grow up with from movies and TV is unhealthy. The relationships shown are romanticized