How Saying Goodbye To A Loved One Is The True Measure Of A Relationship


Pain Of Being Apart True Measure Of Relationship

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie The Pooh.
This one quote perfectly sums up the pain and beauty of saying goodbye to a loved one.

Key Points

  • Saying goodbye means separating from the people who comprise a significant part of your emotional identity.
  • Temporary goodbyes are less sorrowful than longer goodbyes or emotionally devastating end-of-life farewells.
  • The more intense relationships become, the more devastating the emotional loss that is felt upon separation.
  • The pain you feel at the end of the relationship is the true measure of a relationship.

Saying farewell to someone you love, even for a night, can be difficult, much less saying goodbye for a lifetime or forever in death. Juliet bid Romeo adieu for the evening with the refrain, “Parting is such sweet sorrow.” Sweet sorrow is an oxymoron.

The dictionary defines sorrow as “a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.” Sweet is defined as “something pleasing in general or delightful.” This seeming contradiction does not make sense without the context of a specific relationship.

Related: How To Know When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Relationships are based on feelings, emotions, and passion. Deep friendships and loving relationships are measured by the level of emotional attachment. Emotions intensify over time.

People spend time with the people they like. The more one person likes another person, the closer the relationship becomes. Each person in the relationship receives an emotional benefit from knowing the other person.

The Sweet Sorrow Of Goodbyes

Saying goodbye means separating from the people who comprise a significant part of your emotional identity. Separation, even a temporary absence, from the people you have a deep emotional connection with can cause sorrow because you will no longer be able to enjoy their company.

Temporary goodbyes are less sorrowful than longer goodbyes or the emotionally devastating end of life farewells. Therefore, separation constitutes the sorrowful part of saying goodbye.

The sweet side of saying goodbye is the emotional fulfillment of being in a close relationship. The time spent together is emotionally rewarding, especially if that person is seen as a soulmate. Humans are communal beings. We seek the love and comfort of other people. Loneliness devastates the human condition and leads to sadness.

Sad people will do anything they can to find fulfilling relationships. Likewise, people in good relationships are typically happy people. Happy people will do anything they can to maintain or enhance relationships. Herein lies the crux of the emotional conundrum.

saying goodbye to a loved one
Saying Goodbye To A Loved One

Relationships Are Dynamic

They ebb and flow within the context of life circumstances and eventually end with separation by choice or by death. The more intense relationships become, the more devastating the emotional loss that is felt upon separation.

The exhilaration of relationships cannot be truly measured without experiencing the overwhelming loss of a deep emotional connection. Intense happiness cannot be measured without knowing intense sadness. Happiness is meaningless without something against which to compare it.

Related: Saying Goodbye To The One You Love

Shakespeare was right. Parting is such sweet sorrow. But in the end, sweet sorrow is not an oxymoron. Separations are a normal part of all relationships. The richer and more intense relationships are, the greater the degree of loss that people feel when relationships end.

Relationships should be lived in the present. Enjoy the company of the person you are with as long as you can; knowing the pain you will feel at the end of the relationship is the true measure of the relationship. If it doesn’t hurt to say goodbye, perhaps it wasn’t worth saying hello.

Want to know more about saying goodbye to a loved one? Check this video out below!

Saying goodbye to a loved onefsorrow

Written By Jack Schafer Ph.D.  
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today 
Pain Of Being Apart True Measure Of Relationship
How Saying Goodbye To A Loved One Is The True Measure Of A Relationship

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

5 Relationship Blind Spots: Are You Missing These Warning Signs?

Warning Relationship Blind Spots Signs To Watch Out For!

Do you know what a “blind spot” in driving is? It occurs when your vision gets blocked, and that can cause accidents. Similarly, relationship blind spots, cloud our judgment and influence how we interact with people or make decisions.

Blind spots can be damaging to relationships and can destroy your peace of mind, so learn to identify them!

According to relationship blind spots psychology…

These relationship blind spots refer to those parts of us or of our relationships that we cannot see clearly. They distort our

Up Next

7 Must-Discuss Taboo Topics in Relationships

Taboo Topics In Relationships You Should Discuss Before Taking It To The Next Level

Have you ever wondered why some relationship topics are always swept under the rug? It’s like acknowledging these taboo relationship topics might unravel the delicate fabric of our partnerships. But here’s the thing: avoiding these taboo topics in relationships won’t make them disappear. In fact, it might just be the reason why so many relationships hit rough patches or fall apart completely later on.

And who knows, maybe having an honest conversation could actually strengthen the bond between you and your partner and help build trust and understanding.

Up Next

8 Clear Signs Someone Cares About You (Even If They Don’t Always Express It)

Unmistakable Signs Someone Cares About You

Are you confused about whether they genuinely care about you? Well, this article will take you through 8 unmistakable signs someone cares about you deeply, even though they do not always express it.

There is an ancient saying that actions speak louder than words. An expression like that tends to stick around for a reason, and this one does make a lot of sense. In our increasingly chaotic and noisy world, it’s easy to forget that some people struggle to verbalize their feelings. But remember, still waters run deep.

Just because someone struggles to express their feelings in words doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Actually, the real clues are buried within their actions. Look out for these telltale signs to know if someone cares about you genuinely:

Up Next

5 Unrealistic Expectations In A Relationship That Can Destroy Love

Unrealistic Expectations In A Relationship That Ends Love

Having unrealistic expectations in a relationship is a sure way to kill it. It’s like giving importance to illusions more than reality. Do you want your relationship to thrive in the future? Here are 5 things not to do.

Unrealistic expectations in a relationship stem from unhealed trauma and damaged portions of our ego that seek validation.

If you choose to be mindful to understand all your emotions with time and patience, you will see half of them are your hidden fears accumulated over the years. You can analyze any situation based on facts before you mix fears and insecurities into it!

Up Next

10 Creative Father’s Day Activities For Your Entire Family To Make Memories

Creative Father's Day Activities for the Whole Family

Father’s Day is just around the corner and if you are like me who tends to run out of ideas for celebration then you are reading the perfect handbook. Below are some of the best ideas for Father’s Day activities to create lasting memories.

The best Father’s Day activity is when you get to celebrate it with your whole family. It can be a simple meal, a day at the park, or even karaoke at home. So let’s find which activity fits your fam the best! and enjoy a delightful time together.

Importance of Spending Quality Time with Family on Father’s Day

Up Next

Navigating the Dynamics of Workplace Friendship: 8 Dos and Don’ts

Workplace Friendship Dynamics: Effective Dos and Don'ts

They say your co-worker can be your biggest enemy, but this doesn’t have to be true. By following a few simple rules for workplace friendships, you can build lasting and supportive relationships with your colleagues.

However, these relationships come with their own set of challenges that require careful navigation. Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you find a buddy for life and cherish your work relationships more.

Understanding Workplace Friendship Dynamics

Up Next

5 Examples of Relationship Boundaries: Set Up Healthy Relationship Standards

Examples of Relationship Boundaries for a Healthy Life

What keeps relationships healthy and thriving? Is it love? respect? Well, you’d be surprised to know that the answer is “Boundaries”. Curious about how they work? Here are five essential examples of relationship boundaries that ensure mutual respect, trust, and happiness.

The big question is, “What are relationship boundaries? And do most loving relationships need it?” It’s subjective. We feel differently in different situations because our personalities are different too. So we have to know our relationship traits and set boundaries accordingly.

If you’re thinking of setting boundaries in relationships, then read more below!

What Are Relationship Boundaries?