11 Proverbs For Couples That Will Guarantee Stronger Relationships

Everyone wants a strong relationship, but how many are actually willing to work for it? These eleven proverbs for couples can help you a lot. Sustaining a relationship is no joke, and unless you put in the effort and work towards building a sense of understanding, problems will be galore.

Iโ€™ve been working with couples for over 30 years, and during that time I find myself saying some things over and over.ย Many things I have learned elsewhere, particularly from colleagues in theย Imagoย community.ย Some things Iโ€™ve come up with on my own โ€“ I think.ย At this point, the sources are a blur because in saying them so often they now all feel like my own.ย Here they are, in no particular order.

Here Are 11 Proverbs For Couples

1. There are three things that make me believe in God.

a) The taste of fresh-squeezed orange juice, b) Yosemite Valley, and c) the perfection with which couples choose each other.ย 

You may think you know why you choose your partner when you propose or say โ€œyes, I do.โ€ย  But you havenโ€™t a clue.ย The deeper reasons and deeper meaning for your partnership will continue to unfold over the decades of your relationship if you hang in long enough and stay open to it.ย 

And much of this meaning comes through in the struggles you two will have.ย Each time I witness this perfection in my office, my faith that there is a Higher Being organizing the cosmos is reaffirmed.

2. You pick the person who can best create your worst nightmare.ย 

While this may sound harsh, or scary, there is deep meaning in its truth.ย The intent here is that you will choose someone (unconsciously, of course) who will trigger sore spots from your past.ย 

Along with this theory is the belief that you make such a choice in order to heal things as an adult with your partner that you could not work out with your parent when you were a child.

Related: 5 Ways Couples Can Survive During Times of Crisis

3. When itโ€™s hysterical, itโ€™s historical.ย 

If your partner is acting or reacting in a way that makes absolutely no sense based on the stimuli, the reason behind the behavior may come from the distant past.ย Does your wife have a total meltdown if you forget to pick up something at the store she asked for?ย Find out what that feeling reminds her of from herย childhood.ย 

You might be surprised to learn it can be connected to something like a parent who forgot her birthday or forgot to pick her up from school repeatedly, or something in the neighborhood of a profound feeling of not mattering.

4. Inย marriage, itโ€™s win-win or lose-lose.ย There is no win-lose.ย ย 

So many arguments devolve into one person trying to beat the other through marshaling evidence, verbal jousting, or subtle or not so subtle putdowns.ย This does absolutely nothing positive for either side in the dispute.ย 

The only thing that will help your marriage is if both of you feel like winners.ย If you donโ€™t, you will both lose.ย Itโ€™s that simple, and any time you think you have to prove your point, youโ€™re not proving anything except that you donโ€™t understand what it means to be in a relationship.

5. In heated arguments, remember the 90/10 formula.ย 

Connected to proverb #3, this formula posits that when you and your partner are in a screaming match over something inane, 10% of the conflict stems from the present-day context of what youโ€™re arguing over.ย (My wife and I once got in an argument over who had to turn their head more to see the clock in order to know what time it was.)ย 

The other 90% of the energy you bring to the conflict stems from your past.ย It is the little child in your adult body who is providing all the energy behind this conflict.

Related: 5 Core Truths About Marriage That Every Couple Should Keep In Mind

6. If you think there are only two options, choose the third.ย 

So often it can seem like there are only two irreconcilable options available to you.ย Which do you choose?ย  #1 or #2?ย Who says there are only two?ย  Itโ€™s because youโ€™re locked in a power struggle that it seems that way.ย 

When I see couples stuck here,ย I ask them, โ€œWhat is the third option?โ€ย  Sometimes something will shift in the room, the atmosphere will change, andย creative thinkingย will unfold.

7. You can be wrong even when youโ€™re right.ย ย 

There are a ton of ways to be wrong even when youโ€™re right.ย Most of them fall into the category of holding onto something because itโ€™s technically right for you individually, but wrong for the relationship.ย 

Letโ€™s say itโ€™s your turn to get the new car but you know itโ€™s more important to your spouse to drive the new car.ย You can exercise your โ€œright,โ€ but you would be wrong to do so.

8. Your partner fell in love with your essence, not your survival suit.ย 

We all develop survival suits to make our way through the world.ย These are the coping strategies we have developed over time to hide our vulnerabilities (โ€œI really think Iโ€™m stupid/ugly/incompetent/a fraudโ€) as we go through life.ย Your spouse did not fall in love with your survival suit.

Your spouse fell in love with you in the vulnerable state you showed him/her when you first fell in love, and you felt safe enough to be your true self.ย If you show that same self to your spouse, he/she mayย very well fall in love with you all over again.

9. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?ย 

Itโ€™s pretty rare that you can be both in your marriage.ย Connected to #4 and #7, I ask this of people when they are doggedly trying to prove their point to their spouse.ย Just what is the big deal with being right?

10. Marriage is where the rubber meets the road.ย 

It is very easy to be cool, groovy, understanding, and wonderful with your male or female friends.ย They donโ€™t live with you.ย Your spouse does.ย 

So donโ€™t pull out โ€œmy friends sayโ€ฆโ€ when your partner complains about something.ย There is nothing like marriage to force you to walk your talk.

Related: Couples Who Stay Crazy In Love Do These 5 Things Everyday

11. Leave the kids out of it.ย ย 

Donโ€™t ever use the kids to bolster your argument with your spouse.ย Thatโ€™s a nuclear button.ย 

All of us are deeply sensitive to what kind of parents we are.ย All of us are aware of all the ways we could be better parents.ย We donโ€™t need our spouse to reinforce that and we wonโ€™t be able to hear a thing our spouse says whileย using the kids as a weapon. So donโ€™t do it.

Dr. Gressel can be reached via his website atย joshgressel.com.


Written Byย Josh Gressel
Originally Appeared Inย Psychology Today

These eleven proverbs for couples can help you and your relationship a lot if you genuinely want it to work and go the long mile. Things are not always going to be easier and ideal, but these proverbs can do wonders for all the couples out there. Just try them out and see the magic for yourself.

Couples Guarantee Stronger Relationships pin

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Familiesโ€™

Up Next

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

The question โ€˜What is the difference between codependence and interdependence?โ€™ In reality, it asks whether a relationship is dysfunctional or healthy. Well, in todayโ€™s Best Day Blog, I will be taking you through the differences between the two and how to recover from codependency.

(adsby

Up Next

10 Riveting Movies About Broken Marriages: How Love Crumbles Over Time

Marriage is supposed to represent love and commitment, but itโ€™s not always a fairy tale. Below are some of the movies about broken marriages that challenge the โ€œhappily ever afterโ€ stereotype!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Sometimes, things start falling apart โ€” from within or without โ€” and this is frequently caused by different pressures and conflic

Up Next

Friendship Marriage: Japanโ€™s Latest Relationship Trend Explained

Friendship marriage is the latest relationship trend taking the world by storm, and itโ€™s got everyone talking. Forget the traditional notions of romance and commitment; these couples are rewriting the rules of marriage and how!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

This unique approach has not only got people talking, but itโ€™s also challenging many societal norms when it c

Up Next

Should I Start a Family? 10 Reasons That Might Convince You

Two paths are diverging before you at a crossroads. You can either continue with your present life which has the comforts you know so well, or you could choose the other path which goes into the unknown.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

The decision to start a family is one of those big adventures in life that leaves us breathless with awe; it is filled with twists and

Up Next

8 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person

Picture this: youโ€™re standing at the altar, surrounded by beaming friends and family, moments away from saying โ€œI doโ€ to the person who you thought was your soulmate and the love of your life. But deep down, you canโ€™t ignore the nagging feeling that something doesnโ€™t feel right. Could it be possible that youโ€™re marrying the wrong person?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({

Up Next

63 Conversation Starters For Deep Dialogues With Your Partner

Why conversation starters? Over time conversations with your partner might begin to feel shallow and focused more on the daily grind than topics that actually matter. This is normal. Itโ€™s probably not a dangerous red flag that your relationship is about to end, but it is likely unsatisfying and monotonous.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Itโ€™s quite easy to reignite t