5 Core Truths about Relationships That All Married Couples Need to Understand

What are the core truths about marriage that every couple should know before they even commit and keep in mind throughout their relationship? Let’s find out.

“The essence of marriage is companionship, and the woman you face across the coffee urn every morning for ninety-nine years must be both able to appreciate your jokes and to sympathize with your aspirations.” – Elbert Hubbard

I was recently asked what the core principles are for building a strong marriage. It’s an interesting question. Trying to identify the “core” or “basic” foundations of something requires drilling down below the froth and discovering those things that cannot, or should not, be ignored.

After having listened to the life stories of so many people over the past three decades, I found it pretty easy to come up with a shortlist of core truths every couple should keep in mind. (But there’s also a long list!)

To be thoroughly candid, my list is not solely informed by my experience as a therapist. Each of the foundations I list below is also supported by research. But, as is often the case with psychology, research simply confirms what your grandparents already knew and took for granted.

So, here are five truths about marriage that every couple should keep in mind.

Related: 7 Pieces Of Pre-Marriage Advice: What One Should Look For In Each Other

5 Core Truths about Relationships That All Married Couples Need to Understand

1. Your spouse is not perfect.

So what? Great marriages are not made by having a perfect spouse. If that were the case, there would be no great marriages.

Instead, great marriages are made when two people are reasonably compatible when each looks for the good in the other, and when there is mutual support, forgiveness, and respect.

No one finds the perfect spouse. We all have our shortcomings. Dwelling on the imperfections of your spouse poisons the relationship. Learn to let the little things go. If you must focus on something, choose to focus on the good qualities of your partner.

2. Your spouse cannot make your life complete.

Many young couples have the unrealistic expectation that the marital relationship will act to “fill in” or “mend” the broken parts of their life. To some extent, this does occur, but it is not complete.

If you enter marriage believing that this wonderful person you have married will be your best friend, counselor, motivational coach, substitute father/mother figure, etc., you will be disappointed. Resentment will eventually take root. When it does, great unhappiness is not far behind.

Instead of insisting that your spouse fill all of these functions, rely on friends, family, and yourself. By reaching out in this way, you live a fuller life and will have a happier marriage.

After all, is it truly realistic to think that your spouse can meet all of your needs? Of course not. No one would even voice such an expectation. But many people unintentionally and subconsciously fall into the trap of having this mindset. Sadly, they may not come to realize this until after the pressure such demands create has resulted in a divorce.

Each of us (no matter the relationship—spouse, parent, child, friend) needs to take a sober look at our expectations. When they turn out to be unrealistic, let them go. You and your spouse will be happier, and paradoxically, your relationship will grow closer.

Related: 5 Stages of Marriage And How Your Love Map Can Make It Stronger

3. As is true in life more generally, you get out of your marriage what you put into it.

If you invest time, thought, and energy into growing a stronger and healthier connection, you are likely to be rewarded with a terrific relationship. That is not a guarantee, but a principle (just the same as if you exercise and eat right, you are likely to be healthier and live longer than if you never exercise or eat properly).

“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.” – Fawn Weaver

The effort you put into your marriage can be made more effective by candidly talking with your spouse about what is going well in the relationship. You’ll then learn what can be focused upon even more to help your marriage flourish.

Also, take the time to patiently talk about what is not going so well. Honestly consider how each of you can take steps to shore up weak areas in the relationship. Have this talk once a month. It’s important: Put it on your calendar.

Lastly, give one another grace. Let the little things go.

4. Marriage is somewhat like an investment account.

The more you put into building a strong connection with your spouse—showing kindness, support, affection, and respect—the more the emotional bank account grows. Then, when you miss the mark (forget an anniversary, or impulsively purchase that must-have item without your spouse’s approval), there will be sufficient “emotional funds” to cover the loss your relationship sustains.

However, this approach must not be used as a ploy to allow for misbehavior—that just comes across as manipulative.

Be intentional about building intimacy, good memories, shared successes, and so forth. Be a proactive investor in building a strong emotional bank account.

5. Love is a verb, not a noun.

Most people report that one of the important reasons they chose to get married was that they were in love with their spouse. They had deep feelings of admiration and affection for each other.

Feelings, however, will wax and wane. There will be times in a marriage when these feelings are very weak, or altogether missing. Some people, faced with these weakened feelings, will then ask, “Why should I stay married if I don’t love my partner any longer?”

Someone who has this view of love may very well end up with multiple marriages. Feelings are fickle things; do not base your marriage on the unstable foundation of feelings.

“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” – Unknown

Recognize instead that love involves more than feelings. That at its heart, love is a commitment to do what is best for another and that this commitment then needs to be expressed in daily actions that are supportive, affirming, and respectful.

When this approach is taken consistently, the feelings of love that may wane at times will eventually return, mature, and root more deeply in the relationship.

Related: 30 Pieces Of Marriage Advice From People Married For Over 30 Years

Core Truths About Marriage

Marriage is not a bed of roses like many movies and books lead us to believe. It can get really difficult to handle at times but don’t give up. Keep in mind these core truths of marriage, and you will be able to handle every hiccup easily.


Written by Forrest Talley Ph.D.
Originally Published on Forrest Talley
5 Core Truths About Marriage That Every Couple Should Keep In Mind

Published On:

Last updated on:

Forrest Talley Ph.D.

Forrest Talley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Folsom California. Prior to opening this practice, he spent 21 years working at the University of California, Davis, Medical Center. During that time he supervised MFT and SW interns, psychology interns, and medical residents. In addition, he was an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at UCDMC. He worked in several capacities at the UCDMC CAARE Center. These include Co-Training Director of the APA approved psychology internship program, the Individual and Group Therapy Manager, primary supervisor for interns and staff, and the main supplier of bagels/cream cheese for all souls at the UCDMC CAARE Center.

Disclaimer: The informational content on The Minds Journal have been created and reviewed by qualified mental health professionals. They are intended solely for educational and self-awareness purposes and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing emotional distress or have concerns about your mental health, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional or healthcare provider.

Leave a Comment

Today's Horoscope

Accurate Daily Horoscope for 12 Zodiac Signs

Daily Horoscope 8 July 2025: Prediction For Each Zodiac Sign

🌟 Ready to unlock the secrets of 8 July, 2025? Discover your personalized horoscope and see what the stars have in store for you today! ✨🔮

Latest Quizzes

New Fight Or Flight Response Test: 4 Results To Know

Fight Or Flight Response Test: How Does Your Body React Under Pressure?

Click "start" and uncover if you freeze or fawn under pressure!

Latest Quotes

The Hardest Part Of Being Emotionally Intelligent - Empath Quotes

The Hardest Part Of Being Emotionally Intelligent – Empath Quotes

People often forget that those who seem the strongest emotionally are also the ones who hurt quietly.

Readers Blog

Smiling Through Storms: A Testament To Healing And Truth 

Smiling Through Storms: A Testament To Healing And Truth 

For the longest time, I have been missing from the digital footprint of my creative nurture, and I might ponder why that was. I have been satisfying my wanderlust of learning new things, meeting new people, seeing new places and adhering to strict schedules. If you ask me how my life has been and how…

Latest Articles

What are the core truths about marriage that every couple should know before they even commit and keep in mind throughout their relationship? Let’s find out.

“The essence of marriage is companionship, and the woman you face across the coffee urn every morning for ninety-nine years must be both able to appreciate your jokes and to sympathize with your aspirations.” – Elbert Hubbard

I was recently asked what the core principles are for building a strong marriage. It’s an interesting question. Trying to identify the “core” or “basic” foundations of something requires drilling down below the froth and discovering those things that cannot, or should not, be ignored.

After having listened to the life stories of so many people over the past three decades, I found it pretty easy to come up with a shortlist of core truths every couple should keep in mind. (But there’s also a long list!)

To be thoroughly candid, my list is not solely informed by my experience as a therapist. Each of the foundations I list below is also supported by research. But, as is often the case with psychology, research simply confirms what your grandparents already knew and took for granted.

So, here are five truths about marriage that every couple should keep in mind.

Related: 7 Pieces Of Pre-Marriage Advice: What One Should Look For In Each Other

5 Core Truths about Relationships That All Married Couples Need to Understand

1. Your spouse is not perfect.

So what? Great marriages are not made by having a perfect spouse. If that were the case, there would be no great marriages.

Instead, great marriages are made when two people are reasonably compatible when each looks for the good in the other, and when there is mutual support, forgiveness, and respect.

No one finds the perfect spouse. We all have our shortcomings. Dwelling on the imperfections of your spouse poisons the relationship. Learn to let the little things go. If you must focus on something, choose to focus on the good qualities of your partner.

2. Your spouse cannot make your life complete.

Many young couples have the unrealistic expectation that the marital relationship will act to “fill in” or “mend” the broken parts of their life. To some extent, this does occur, but it is not complete.

If you enter marriage believing that this wonderful person you have married will be your best friend, counselor, motivational coach, substitute father/mother figure, etc., you will be disappointed. Resentment will eventually take root. When it does, great unhappiness is not far behind.

Instead of insisting that your spouse fill all of these functions, rely on friends, family, and yourself. By reaching out in this way, you live a fuller life and will have a happier marriage.

After all, is it truly realistic to think that your spouse can meet all of your needs? Of course not. No one would even voice such an expectation. But many people unintentionally and subconsciously fall into the trap of having this mindset. Sadly, they may not come to realize this until after the pressure such demands create has resulted in a divorce.

Each of us (no matter the relationship—spouse, parent, child, friend) needs to take a sober look at our expectations. When they turn out to be unrealistic, let them go. You and your spouse will be happier, and paradoxically, your relationship will grow closer.

Related: 5 Stages of Marriage And How Your Love Map Can Make It Stronger

3. As is true in life more generally, you get out of your marriage what you put into it.

If you invest time, thought, and energy into growing a stronger and healthier connection, you are likely to be rewarded with a terrific relationship. That is not a guarantee, but a principle (just the same as if you exercise and eat right, you are likely to be healthier and live longer than if you never exercise or eat properly).

“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.” – Fawn Weaver

The effort you put into your marriage can be made more effective by candidly talking with your spouse about what is going well in the relationship. You’ll then learn what can be focused upon even more to help your marriage flourish.

Also, take the time to patiently talk about what is not going so well. Honestly consider how each of you can take steps to shore up weak areas in the relationship. Have this talk once a month. It’s important: Put it on your calendar.

Lastly, give one another grace. Let the little things go.

4. Marriage is somewhat like an investment account.

The more you put into building a strong connection with your spouse—showing kindness, support, affection, and respect—the more the emotional bank account grows. Then, when you miss the mark (forget an anniversary, or impulsively purchase that must-have item without your spouse’s approval), there will be sufficient “emotional funds” to cover the loss your relationship sustains.

However, this approach must not be used as a ploy to allow for misbehavior—that just comes across as manipulative.

Be intentional about building intimacy, good memories, shared successes, and so forth. Be a proactive investor in building a strong emotional bank account.

5. Love is a verb, not a noun.

Most people report that one of the important reasons they chose to get married was that they were in love with their spouse. They had deep feelings of admiration and affection for each other.

Feelings, however, will wax and wane. There will be times in a marriage when these feelings are very weak, or altogether missing. Some people, faced with these weakened feelings, will then ask, “Why should I stay married if I don’t love my partner any longer?”

Someone who has this view of love may very well end up with multiple marriages. Feelings are fickle things; do not base your marriage on the unstable foundation of feelings.

“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” – Unknown

Recognize instead that love involves more than feelings. That at its heart, love is a commitment to do what is best for another and that this commitment then needs to be expressed in daily actions that are supportive, affirming, and respectful.

When this approach is taken consistently, the feelings of love that may wane at times will eventually return, mature, and root more deeply in the relationship.

Related: 30 Pieces Of Marriage Advice From People Married For Over 30 Years

Core Truths About Marriage

Marriage is not a bed of roses like many movies and books lead us to believe. It can get really difficult to handle at times but don’t give up. Keep in mind these core truths of marriage, and you will be able to handle every hiccup easily.


Written by Forrest Talley Ph.D.
Originally Published on Forrest Talley
5 Core Truths About Marriage That Every Couple Should Keep In Mind

Published On:

Last updated on:

Forrest Talley Ph.D.

Forrest Talley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Folsom California. Prior to opening this practice, he spent 21 years working at the University of California, Davis, Medical Center. During that time he supervised MFT and SW interns, psychology interns, and medical residents. In addition, he was an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at UCDMC. He worked in several capacities at the UCDMC CAARE Center. These include Co-Training Director of the APA approved psychology internship program, the Individual and Group Therapy Manager, primary supervisor for interns and staff, and the main supplier of bagels/cream cheese for all souls at the UCDMC CAARE Center.

Leave a Comment

    Leave a Comment