Your parents are getting divorced!
Isn’t it a shell shock for any kid?
Probably, there can’t be any harsher news than this for him/her.
Right?
The devastating effects of a divorce between parents on children often turn out to be immensely harmful, starting from he/she becoming a negative person to the kid getting trapped in the collapse of depression and other psychological issues.
It is very true that divorce and children never go hand in hand and the stress of their parents’ separation can altogether break kids from inside.
However, it doesn’t mean that you, as a parent, have to remain stuck in an unwanted and mentally distressing marriage for the entire life. Good parenting is certainly not something entirely embedded with the compatibility of your marriage. You can make your kids understand the right way of coping up with you and your partner’s divorce. All that you need to do is just act strategically and that’s it!
How to do that actually?
Read on
1. Make your child feel loved
It is one of the biggest and most sensible aspects of good parenting. If parents don’t come through kids regularly then kids end up blaming themselves. They start thinking that if only they were more fun, better and well-behaved then surely their parents would have loved to be with them.
Hence, always assure that you and your partner are giving enough time to your children. Both of you might be planning to file a divorce or already got one, it is important to let your child feel that he/she is loved unconditionally. Be a sport and come up together to spend some quality time with your kids. It will soothe their mind and eventually, the deteriorating effects of divorce on children would be pretty less.
Read How To Truly Love Your Children By Loving yourself
2. Don’t try to sugarcoat
It is not recommended to make fakes excuses for the absence of the other parent and normalize the situation. You might think that it could be one of the best ways to negate the bad effects of divorce on children but in reality, it is not! Your kid might find it to be a convincing answer at the very moment but it will not be the same in the long run.
M.Gary Neuman, therapist and creator of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program an author of Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way said, “If a parent cancels because of a bad cold but went to work that day with the same cold, it’s important that your child feel free to voice his feelings.”
It is required to craft the situation in such a way that coping with divorce becomes an easy-going chapter for your kid. Your child must vent without any criticism or apology for the absent parent from your end.
Read What Make A Good Parent And Child Relationship
3. Let your kid communicate
Helping your children through a divorce of you and your partner is certainly not an easy task. Your kids might often end up becoming depressed and sometimes, even stop communicating because of the shock. In that case, it could be really harmful to him/her. He/she has to speak out her mind to get a better understanding and feel what’s happening actually.
Hence, when it comes to helping your child through a divorce, to talk about your feelings is crucial and also, your child must express his/her views. Neuman says, “Expressing themselves gives kids a sense of empowerment and can help ease their frustration. Even if nothing changes, your child will feel better knowing he made an effort to remedy the situation.”
Read 8 Ways To Connect With Your Children At Home
4. Don’t hesitate to alter the visitation schedule
David Knox, Ph.D., author of The Divorced Dad’s Survival Book: How to Stay Connected With Your Kids says, “Of course, consistency is important, but some flexibility on your part can increase an ex’s ability to come through”. “If certain days or times are continually missed, for example, you might say, If Tuesday dinners aren’t good, what would be better?’’ It could be one of the best ways to make coping with divorce and easy chapter for your kids.
5. Try for calm transitions
You might think that if you aren’t openly argumentative then everything is good. But, kids are way too sensible and they can sense the stress of divorce and further become anxious.
Hence, you and your partner both need to aim for peaceful transitions. In fact, it is something highly essential to keep your kids away from the stress of divorce.
According to Dr. Knox, “Some dads complain that they just can’t handle the conflict when seeing their former spouse. Or a dad arrives to a clearly anxious child and assumes his ex has been bad-mouthing him. The father ends up rationalizing that it’s better if he doesn’t come at all.’’
Whatever you might feel, you should be civil. If you think that it’s just not possible for you then act smart. For example, you can collect your child from your ex at any neutral ground. Suppose, a friend’s place, a shopping mall or a park. You can just pick your child from such a place, completely ignore your ex and leave within minutes. The pressure of being at a public place will let you manage maintaining the decorum.
6. Bid a happy goodbye
Initially, you can’t count your divorce and children’s happiness on the same list. Rather, it is required to work for it constantly. One of the first and rightmost steps that you should take here is bidding goodbye with a smile to your kid when he/she goes off to be with the other parent.
Especially, all you mums out there who got divorced should keep this in mind. It has been seen that mothers are often unconscious and make their kids feel guilty about leaving. You must take care of that you don’t do this. This will help your kid spend a good time with his/her father and your ex will feel less tensed about the pickups too.
Read How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children: 3 Crucial Lessons To Teach
7. Let your kid get disappointed at times
It is definitely not easy to handle divorce and children together. One of the smartest tricks which play a major role here is not downplaying the pain and sadness of your child.
Neuman says, “Whether he’s upset about the divorce in general or about something more specific like a parent’s having to work late again, anger and disappointment are normal, healthy emotional reactions. A child is entitled to these feelings and should be able to talk about them without worrying that his parents will be upset or angry.”
Talk about feelings to your child and also listen to him/her. It will help you handle your kid’s pain more sensibly. You must offer the support to your kid by making him/her know that you understand his/her feelings and they totally make sense. It will finally help your child confront his/her disappointment and in fact, your this move will serve as a therapy for him/her.
Read Mental Health Wellness Guide For Your Child
Summing Up
That’s how you can prevent your divorce to become ‘The Most heartbreaking episode’ of your kid’s life. Just keep the aforementioned things in mind, act sensibly and your kid will overcome from this depressing phase of his/her life sportingly.
And at the end of the day, you and your partner will also not have that saddening sigh of ‘Oh! We have hurt our kid so much’ in your hearts.
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