People who have been in narcissistic relationships know what happens when you finally end up abandoning a narcissist. Being in a toxic relationship with a narcissist is emotionally and mentally draining, to say the least, and if you have ever been in one, you know exactly what I am talking about.
The sad part is that when you’re in love with a narcissist, there will be good times, and there will be times when everything will seem normal, happy, and romantic. However, the rest of the time, you will be humiliated, abused, manipulated, and made to feel irrelevant and unimportant. This is the harsh truth about being in a narcissistic relationship.
If you want to live a happy life, and most importantly a peaceful and sane life, then you need to stay far, far away from a narcissist, because they only care about themselves. Being with self-absorbed and selfish people like that will only hurt you and destroy your self-esteem. Letting go of a narcissist is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
How Does The Mind Of A Narcissist Work?
The most important thing that you need to know about a narcissist is that they can love no one, apart from themselves. All they care about is their needs, their desires, their wants, and their feelings; other people can just go to hell.
Mentally, they have a low level of organization, even if they seem sorted and organized from the outside. They will try to dominate you and change you as per their needs, so that you can “fit” into their life, just the way they want you to.
Now, when you make the decision to abandon a narcissist, it ends up causing a massive narcissistic injury to them, and this leads to their facade completely getting shattered. In a situation like this, they might even consider suicidal ideation but it will only be to manipulate you further so that you don’t leave them.
However, if they are the ones initiating the breakup, then their ego and false pride remain intact. Rather they love to feel the power they have over you when they choose to leave you and end things for good.
What Does A Relationship With A Narcissist Look Like?
A narcissist lives in a superficial world where they consider themselves to be no else than God. In their minds, they are brilliant, intelligent, wealthy and the best there is and the best there will ever be. This is also known as the “Grandiosity Gap” – the abyss between his sense of entitlement and his inflated grandiose fantasies – and his incommensurate reality and achievements.
For them, you’re simply their narcissistic supply, prey on whom they need to feed, in order to maintain their narcissism and delusional world. As long as they get their narcissistic supply from you, everything is right in their world, and the moment it stops, they start to malfunction.
What you need or expect from them does not matter in the least, and in some cases is even seen as a threat. The fact that you are fortunate enough to get his “love” and “attention” should be enough for you to be happy. Expecting anything more is equivalent to insulting them.
A narcissist will choose to be with you as long as you are useful for them, i.e., they’re able to gaslight you, manipulate you, and make you do their bidding. The moment that stops, or you start to see through their games, they will kick you to the curb.
In their delusional world, they believe that they must have the best of everything, especially their partner or spouse. Their significant other should be stunning, mind-bogglingly beautiful, talented, and extremely qualified. Anything less than this is simply not good enough for them.
And God forbid, you are not the perfect human specimen, they will go out of their way to make your life a living hell. If you are not their ideal creation, they will treat you like garbage.
The Importance Of Abandoning A Narcissist
If you want to preserve your sanity and live a happy, peaceful life then breaking up with a narcissist is a must. It’s important to move on from a toxic relationship like this and focus on living a life just for yourself and in the way YOU want.
When you end up abandoning a narcissist, the reaction is nothing short of volcanic and disturbing, because narcissists can never imagine that they will be the ones who will be dumped, instead of the other way around. Their superiority complex makes them blind to their toxicity and reality.
You finally feel sure that you have had enough of their negativity and manipulation and leave them behind to start a new life. Moving on has never felt better.
What Happens When You Abandon The Narcissist?
One very crucial thing that you should know about a narcissist is that they are absolutely terrified of being abandoned. They have severe abandonment issues, and no matter what they pretend to be on the outside, getting dumped and abandoned is one of their worst nightmares.
Narcissists are incredibly insecure human beings on the inside, which is why they always try to put other people down to feel powerful about themselves. So you can imagine how angry, enraged and vengeful they feel when you leave them. They will resort to many things to prevent you from leaving them.
Some of the most common things that narcissists do to manipulate you into not leaving them are the following:
- They will make you feel guilty for leaving them by emotionally manipulating and blackmailing you.
- They will even beg and plead to you to not leave them, making false promises that they will change for you.
- They will threaten you with dire consequences if you don’t change your mind.
- They will launch smear campaigns and set their flying monkeys on you to further humiliate you in front of others.
- They will resort to love bombing to manipulate you into believing that they genuinely love you.
Grieving After Abandoning A Narcissist
No matter how horrible a narcissist has been to you, after abandoning one, you will grieve. Not because you have to, but because it will come naturally to you. They might not have loved you in the truest sense, but you did. So you grieve not just for the lost relationship, but also for what you lost in the process.
Being in a narcissistic relationship and even getting out of one takes a lot out of you; your experience makes you think that you’ll never be able to love or trust someone again. You grieve the innocence you lost, you grieve the optimism you lost, and you grieve the old you.
The grieving process you experience is never a linear one, you will feel a range of emotions that will leave you confused and even heartbroken. Sometimes you might feel shocked and sometimes you would feel glad. Then sometimes you would feel lost and dumbfounded and then sometimes you would feel free and happier than before.
After this stage, you start to feel angry and enraged, because you realize how badly you were treated, and it takes some time for you to deal with these feelings. Once you go through the painful fire of anger and wrath, you finally accept everything that has happened, and it is then that you find peace. You accept everything, you cry your heart out, and you finally try to move on from the past.
You might even find the courage to forgive the narcissist because now you are wise enough to understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean it never happened, it means you accept it happened and the only way to close the chapter for good and heal is by letting it go for good.
All these stages are important for you to truly move on and if you try to skip any, it is just going to catch up to you and then you will feel even worse than ever. Grieve what you need to grieve, so that you can finally find peace and happiness in your life.
Do You Really Need To Forgive The Narcissist?
The ability to forgive is an admirable quality to have, but sometimes the hardest to do. Especially when you have to forgive a toxic and narcissistic person. However, one thing you should always keep in mind, and that is, forgiveness is more about the forgiver than the forgiven.
When you forgive a narcissist, that doesn’t mean you are condoning their behavior or pretending as if what they did was not harmful or abusive. You are forgiving them because YOU want to move on from the pain they caused and start your life afresh. It’s never about them, it’s about you and your mental peace. ALWAYS.
After abandoning a narcissist, try to forgive them, because this is a very important part of your emotional and mental healing.
Is It Alright To Remain Friends With A Narcissist?
Trying to remain friends with a narcissist, especially after breaking up with them is not really an attractive prospect, to be honest. It’s very hard for narcissists to be nice and decent to other people unless they need something from you. So after you abandon the narcissist, don’t even for a second expect that they’ll be civil with you.
They will be furious, enraged, humiliated, and vengeful towards you, because it’s very difficult for them to accept the fact that you left them, instead of them leaving you (which was their plan all along, right from the start).
I have been in two narcissistic relationships before, and let me tell you from personal experience that being friends with a narcissistic ex is one of the worst decisions you can make. Because no matter how nice you are, they’ll always go out of their way to treat you like garbage, just so they can feel powerful for a few seconds.
The only circumstances they might be nice to you are the following:
- If unintentionally, you are serving as their narcissistic supply.
- They need something from you.
- They are cooking up an elaborate plan to take revenge on you, that’s why they’re being nice to you for the moment.
- They want you back in their life, not because they love you, but because you are the best kind of narcissistic supply for them.
If you abandon a narcissist, be prepared for a lot of negativity coming your way, because they don’t do well with rejection. Leaving a narcissist is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do, but definitely one of the best things for your sanity and happiness.
Don’t waste your life loving someone who doesn’t even know the meaning of love. Instead, focus on yourself and what you want to do with your life. You deserve so much better than a narcissist who only cares about themselves and their selfish motives.
Want to know more about what happens after abandoning a narcissist? Check this video out below!