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How to Communicate Unhappiness in Your Relationship So Your Partner Really Hears You

How to Communicate Unhappiness in Your Relationship

The above examples take into account both of your reactions and why you believe they happen. They give your partner a chance to understand your behavior and to understand how their
behavior affects you.

When you accept part of the blame and take responsibility, you help your partner do the same. This is a great way of how to communicate unhappiness in a relationship – and how to turn it
into a moment of connection.

Do It Face to Face

When we experience difficulties in our relationship or marriage, it can be tempting to communicate this via text or email. While this doesn’t have to be a bad idea – it’s not usually a great one.

Oftentimes, we do this to avoid emotional intensity or connection – the very thing we perhaps need to experience with our partner in order to feel happy and satisfied.

Texting your partner your annoyances about their reluctance to cleaning or their low libido might feel easier at the moment like you’re able to avoid conflict. But more often than not, communicating via text about something serious and potentially hurtful leads to more conflict down the line.

As we’ve already established, our partner hears so much more than just the content alone. It’s the
way we say what we say, both with our tone of voice and with our body language. They both help our partners to understand what we’re feeling and what we want.

When we’re face to face we can more easily gauge our partner’s reaction and tailor what we say so that our words perhaps hurt less or are heard better.

Even if we’re communicating something negative or difficult, doing it face to face can make the
experience a more unifying one.

Read: Why The Silent Treatment Never Works And 6 Ways To Communicate Better

Do It More Than Once

When thinking about how to communicate unhappiness – you’ll want to make sure this isn’t a one-time thing.

This doesn’t mean you should tell your partner how unsatisfied you are every day (that’s more like a fast track to separation!). It does, however, mean following up the conversation to see how things are going.

It means connecting about the issue at hand and how you’re both contributing to solving it. Rarely have I seen couples where a problem is solved overnight or after one conversation. It takes time, dedication, and effort. So don’t be surprised if you both fall off the wagon or get lost on the way – it’s all part of the process – and it’s ok.

How to Communicate Unhappiness in a Relationship Is About

Five Things

We all experience tough times, no matter how great our relationship or marriage is. It’s how we get through these difficult times that determine how a relationship’s strength and tenacity over time.

If you’re serious about making a change in your relationship and really want your partner to hear you (who doesn’t, right?), you’ll want to think about the following five things:

Communicate what’s causing the unhappiness, what you want instead, and how to solve it
● Think about the words you choose and your body language when telling your partner the
● Accept responsibility and partial blame for the problems that are causing your unhappiness. Not because it’s the right thing to do – but because you actually can see your part in it.
● Communicate your unhappiness face to face
● Talk about the problem/s several times and revisit how your progress is going.

It’s hard talking about problems, but the best way of getting the relationship you want is to learn how to communicate unhappiness in a relationship so your partner truly can hear you.

Originally published at

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How to Communicate Unhappiness in Your Relationship So Your Partner Really Hears You
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Leigh Noren, MSc

Leigh Norén is a sex therapist and writer specialized in low libido, orgasmic difficulties, communication and relationship difficulties. She's been featured in Glamour, The Tab, Babe, Sexography, The Good Men Project and more. Leigh offers free online resources for a better sex life and happier relationship, sex therapy and online courses at her website www.therapybyleigh.comView Author posts