Do you always ask your kids to hug or kiss anyone who visits your house even if they don’t want to? Or do you give them a choice?
Forcing your child to hug or kiss a family member may scar them for life!
Stop forcing and start teaching them about CONSENT.
Consent is crucial
It is crucial to teach your child about consent. You shouldn’t insist on them even if it is their grandma or grandpa who wants to hug, kiss or pick them up. Why?
According to mental health experts, you should always make a child feel comfortable and secure, even if doing so upsets you and other family members.
Some parents insist on their kids even if they don’t want to, because they lack awareness of the possible negative outcomes associated with it. Today, consent and bodily autonomy have become a big buzz. Thanks to the digital world and virtual connections, every small and big concern comes into the limelight.
More people are coming forward to share their personal life experiences and how we need to give children agency over their own bodies even if it means turning down hugs and love gestures from close ones.
Read Child Sexual Abuse: 5 Reasons Why You Should Reveal It
A meme shared by – A Mighty Girl (a parenting site for daughters) from Safe Kids, Thriving Families, a child abuse protection charity- went viral. The caption “I am 5. My body is my body” speaks volumes. “Don’t force me to kiss or hug. I am learning about consent and your support on this will help me keep myself safe for the rest of my life.”
The meme explains the hidden meaning behind the traditional family greetings. It highlights not to force kids to hug or kiss friends and folks. Telling your child to respond to physical affection shown by family members sends a damaging message about consent. A relative with perverted intentions can take utmost advantage, which can damage your child’s wellbeing. Because kids will grow up learning that their bodies don’t really belong to them. and will develop the habit of ignoring their feelings or develop a wrong perception of what is right and wrong.
“This leads to children getting sexually abused, teen girls submitting to sexual behavior so ‘he’ll like me’ and kids enduring bullying because everyone is ‘having fun” told Irene van der Zande (an expert on personal safety and violence prevention) to CNN.
Read Woman Explains Difference Between Rape And Consent To Men Who Still Don’t Get It
On the other hand, teaching children about consent and ownership of their bodies will prevent them from submitting to unwanted affection by near and dear ones in order not to upset a relative or disappoint a friend.
The CNN piece by CNN piece by Katia Hetter suggests parents to help children to learn to say no. Katia explains the directive she gave her own daughter telling her, “I would like you to hug Grandma, but I won’t make you do it.”
You might wonder what’s wrong with hugging a grandma or grandpa. Yes, it is wrong, if it is happening against your child’s wish.
Hetter says, “She doesn’t have to hug or kiss anyone just because I say so, not even me. I will not override my own child’s currently strong instincts to back off from touching someone she chooses not to touch. I figure her body is actually hers, not mine.”
Although it seems obvious, there are many parents forcing kids to be affectionate towards anyone and everyone. Sure, we all love kisses and hugs and kids too love giving them. But the point is – “what sends the wrong message.”
Parents must value and regard the feelings of their children on this subject.
0.5
5
If a 5 year old doesn.t want to hug a family member,
Then the family member doesn.t deserve it
We must never force our children to hug or kiss anyone
So true!
I hated kissing my oncle who was always playing with his artificial teeth and then my aunt who had a big hairy spot near her lips
I believe children to be excellent judges of character and can read the energy of people exceptionally well… have grown children who trust themselves and make wonderful friend and company choices. I always love watching how babies and small children react to people… dogs are good at it also. That is not a negative thing.
I believe this may be the first post I will disagree with. You may deny hugs from strangers. But never from grandma and grandpa. That’s elder abuse. Lol. Our grandparents would rather die than be denied hugs from their grandchildren.
Right O!
BS
I agree and I’m not even going to read it.
all parents should know this…
Thanks for sharing this! I love it! They should know they have a choice and a right to feel comfortable.
I hated being forced as a kid.
Have nevet forced mine for sure.
I absolutely agree with this – Remember this over this stupid christmas season. You are teaching your children a code to live by, be it a good code or a bad one !!!
That’s why you tell them they can give a hug if they want to or politely decline one and give a handshake.
How can it be right to force a child against there will to engage in any phydical contact with an adult regardless of the relationship . Then expect to turn around and tell them no means no .. stranger danger and intuition?? For me it’s the same with getting picture taken no means no it’s there body there right .
Debbie Colapinto I still remember Bill and the father of the little girl who lived across the street from us. How that felt. It is as real to me today as it was in that very moment. Being a child and fearing for your life and being terrified to the point of becoming physically paralyzed…but no one listens because your just a small person with a small voice.
I didn’t mean to imply that you should have done something <3 I just mean this post really made me think about them 🙁
They should have listened.
For some it is a cultural thing….not so much in the US….they hug and some kiss….some people have sensory issues or are germophobes, that’s different tho…
true. it is almost cultural thing in PH.
never forced my children to hug or kiss anyone
Nothing bettter to talk about, such billshit, love creates love, hate creates hate stop projecting negativity because of your insecurities
Sensitive idiots
Love this. Wish more adults weren’t offended the kids refuse. I think it means more when the kids come to you to give you a hug or a kiss anyway then if you were to make them.
Case by case basis. Sometimes children/people need someone to show them how to open up. Intention is always key.
Not for you to decide.
Might be, but not a guy with a bulldog.
I used to hate forced kisses & hugs
ASK.. do you mind if I give you a hug.?. if no ,,, respect their space and move on. simple.
He didn’t manage to do that. Instead he made a big drama and forced me to play Hunger Games.
Jenna Anderson John Gadley
Marina Bozic
It IS a big deal, Theresa Chaltraw. It sends a message to the child that they must submit to this regardless. Grandma and Grandpa or others should be made to understand why the child’s wishes must be respected.
Maybe when they are about 2 yrs old we could get them to bath themselves aswell……..where the hell is your head
Denzil Dennis Mathers is there a dont force me to work page or dont force me to pay council tax page ………..
LOL!!!!
dont force me to buy the kids presents at christmas because they wont thank me ?
Madness Kevin Routley lol
it really is such a sad old world , so parents and grandparents can jog on then . teaches the kid how not to interact with parents . its all gone limp wristed and p.c mad . lets kids be kids and grow up fucking normal play in the garden get dirty and show love and affection so when they grow up they grow up normal . teaching this to a child is like teaching them theres no love or compassion in the world . what happens when i pet dies ? the parents tell the kid to man the fuck up dont hug me ????
always a troll lurking
No it’s not. I think you’re reading way too much into it, lol. And bathing your self at 2 is the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day.
Kevin Routley I remember my friend from 5th grade who had to hug her grandfather every time he came over. Her parents made her hug the man who raped her for 4 years. Children should never be forced to hug or kiss other people.
My fiancee is the only woman i want to hug.
…wish I’d never been forced. } (
Crazy.
What! No hug for gramma!
What a load of shit!
Some people don’t like being touched.
Errr, why should I let someone touch me if he only does this to break my heart?
Not only those with Autism do not like being touched. Children are susceptible to feeling vibes which alert them to adults they feel a certain danger about and when we make them disavow that second sense or intuition we disarm them of the ability to alert us to danger and make them question themselves. Besides physical contact should not be forced, especially when it comes to children doing so with adults. Unless it is a parent, or grandparent (might be questionable) a child should not be forced to give of themselves recklessly.
My head hurts 😕
I was that child.
This is so stupid. Anything to a big deal outta nothing.
It’s really not…then when they are 12 or 13 and Boys touch or kiss, the girl allows it to happen because she’s USED TO feeling uncomfortable and disgusted by relatives touch!! It’s just a ‘fact of life’ condoned by her parents that she tolerate the repulsive feelings from unwanted touch!!
It makes her complacent to rape/ or going further than she’s comfortable with!!
No its not, it shows children that their feelings don’t matter & that they must submit to adults no matter what… Forcing anyone into physical contact at any age is wrong
I think people read way too much into it.
This is the basic framework for child protection . With the statistics unfortunately someone’s brother , father , uncle or pop is a perpetrator…
This is the basic framework for child protection . With the statistics unfortunately someone’s brother , father , uncle or pop is a perpetrator…
This is the basic framework for child protection . With the statistics unfortunately someone’s brother , father , uncle or pop is a perpetrator…
Of course you should always use common sense with your kids. You wouldn’t want them hugging or kissing the creepy uncle or the weird guy next door.