Do You Have Abandonment Issues? 20 Telltale Signs And Coping Tips


, , , ,
Suffering From Abandonment Issues

Do you often have the knee-jerk reaction that makes you fear an impending doom whenever something good happens to you? If yes, chances are you are suffering from abandonment issues.

Keep reading to know all about abandonment issues, including how to overcome abandonment issues to live a productive and fulfilling life.

What Are Abandonment Issues?

Abandonment issues are often characterized by incessant and intrusive thoughts coupled with compulsive behavior that stem from a deep-seated fear of abandonment. Simply put, it is an uncontrollable fear that the people or things you deeply care about, sooner or later, will inevitably leave you behind.

If living with a constant fear of abandonment is not bad enough, this can lead to other unfortunate behavioral tendencies. For a person dealing with abandonment issues, this chronic fear of being left out, rejected, ignored, and excluded becomes so overbearing that they devise unhealthy coping mechanisms, exhibiting more than one of the following traits:

  • Needy
  • Insecure
  • Clingy
  • Jealous
  • Manipulative
  • Obsessed
  • Controlling
  • Addicted to substance abuse
  • Dependent on abusive partner(s) with a string of failed relationships
  • Self-imposed isolation

What Causes Abandonment Issues?

Abandonment issues can germinate as a result of feeling vulnerable due to any of the following reasons:

  • Insecure attachment style developed in childhood due to an unreliable, unpredictable, abusive, or absent parent or primary caregiver
  • Abandonment by one or both parents due to divorce or separation
  • Emotional abandonment or physical neglect from a trusted adult
  • Rejection by a partner, spouse, friend, relative, or a loved one
  • Death or incarceration of a loved one
  • Loss of a job or mistreatment at work
  • Monetary loss or financial distress

In a nutshell, the feeling of being left in a lurch due to an unexpected and unwanted separation from a loved one or any kind of loss, at any given point in time, that makes a person feel unsafe in similar future situations, can cause abandonment issues.

Read: Why Family Scapegoats Become Lifelong Victims

20 Signs Of Abandonment Issues

Here are the signs of abandonment issues in adults. You might not relate to all of them, but many of these signs will stand out to you if you suffer from abandonment issues.

1. Forming Quick Attachments

Driven by your abandonment issues, you form attachments too quickly and often with the wrong people. You are so scared of being alone that you seize the first opportunity you get to be in a relationship. You tend to get way too emotionally invested in people who show the faintest interest in you.

2. Always Chasing Relationships

Your abandonment issues make you chase people, and you are always on the lookout for love or companionship. Soon after a relationship falls apart, even a long-term one, you are on to your next partner.

Many could wrongly perceive this as your indomitable spirit of bouncing back after a setback, but the truth of the matter is that your abandonment issues make it hard for you to stay single and on your own.  

3. Settling For Less In Relationships

As mentioned earlier, you often settle for less. The thought of being alone is so unbearable to you that you are ready to put up with dysfunctional relationships and partners who are critical, neglectful, or even abusive.

In non-romantic relationships too, you tend to be around toxic connections or frenemies who belittle you or negatively affect your life and emotional well-being.

Due to your abandonment issues, you get drawn to people who remind you of the person who abandoned you. In addition to your fear of being left alone, subconsciously, you try to get a “second chance” by making them stay in your life or give you the love and care that you didn’t receive the first time you were abandoned.

4. Nitpicking On Your Partner

You are so afraid of your relationship falling apart, that you take every single relationship issue very seriously and that includes flaws or perceived flaws of your partner.

Your abandonment issues lead you to magnify each little quirk or mistake made by your significant other and blow it out of proportion. Your habit of making a big deal out of everything often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as your constant criticism drives your loved one away.

5. People-Pleasing Attitude

You desperately try to keep your loved ones happy, and for this, you go out of your way to make them love or appreciate you. You anticipate others’ needs and try to fulfill them at any cost.

While it’s an admirable thing to care for the ones you love, the problem is you tend to take it too far and often at the expense of your own happiness or well-being.

This again opens a trap door, and you risk getting manipulated or exploited by people who do not have your best interest at heart. You might end up sacrificing a lot to keep the peace in a relationship.

6. Craving External Validation

Your entire concept of self depends on others’ validation. You need constant reassurance that the people in your life are pleased with you and satisfied in the relationship. This need for frequent validation makes you needy and vulnerable.

7. Commitment Issues

As much as you want people to stay in your life, you are afraid to commit to a long-term relationship fearing being let down. You feel that by trying to make a relationship stable and long-lasting, you will set yourself up for failure and disappointment as nothing lasts forever… and everybody leaves ultimately. You can’t take that risk of getting hurt.

8. Being Envious Of Others

You can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy every time you come across someone who is visibly happy, either in a relationship or a single. You feel you are being wrongly denied the happiness and fulfillment you deserve. 

9. Unhealthy Attachment Style

Abandonment issues can lead to unhealthy attachment styles.

Abandonment issues formed at an early age due to an abusive or absent parent or primary caregiver typically lead to unhealthy attachment styles. You feel insecure, anxious, and confused in your relationships. You might also end up avoiding emotional intimacy altogether. 

Read: 4 Attachment Style

10. Poor Sense Of Self

Your abandonment issues have convinced you to believe that:

  • You don’t have much to offer
  • You are not of much value to anyone
  • You don’t deserve love
  • You don’t have what it takes to be happy and successful in life

All these negative self-talk and limiting beliefs strengthen your poor sense of self and lack of confidence in yourself, making you settle for less and put up with poor treatment from others.

11. Self-Sabotaging Tendencies

When you are finally in a positive and happy relationship with someone and things are going great for you, somehow you find a way to self-sabotage your prospects. You do or say things that put a strain on your relationship.

12. Trust Issues

When you find yourself a high-value partner who, according to you, is a catch, your abandonment issues start making you doubt their integrity and love for you.

You suspect your partner’s interest in you is very soon going to dwindle. As a result, you look out for signs of cheating, and everyone important in their life becomes a threat to you. This lack of trust extends to your other platonic relationships as well.

13. Separation Anxiety

Abandonment issues can manifest as severe separation anxiety. Whenever you are at a distance from your loved ones, you start panicking that they will forget you or replace you with someone new.

14. Trying To Control Others

Your abandonment issues can make you behave like a control freak who stalks and spies on their loved ones so they don’t get close to someone behind your back.

15. Getting Attracted To Emotionally Unavailable Partners

It is common for people with abandonment issues to get drawn to partners or friends who are emotionally unavailable. This happens mainly because:

  • They are trying to avoid emotional intimacy
  • The person who abandoned them was also emotionally distant or absent

As toxic patterns are familiar to those with abandonment issues, they find these dysfunctional routines to be comforting.

16. Blaming Yourself When A Relationship Goes South

If you struggle with abandonment issues, you might hold yourself responsible for the original abandonment. And you also tend to blame yourself for every relationship that ends, even the abusive or toxic ones.

17. Angry Outbursts

 Abandonment issues generated from the initial abandonment make you feel stripped of your power to control an unfavorable situation. This helplessness can give way to anger and resentment that fester beneath the surface.

Even after a long time, you can get triggered and lash out at others if they somehow remind you of your abandonment trauma. 

18. Difficulty In Accepting Rejection

You might have a hard time letting go of people who clearly do not wish to stay in your life. You can not come to terms with the fact that you are being left out in the cold, again! This could push you to cling to others and manipulate or force them to continue the relationship. 

19. Depressive Episodes

If situations and people keep triggering abandonment trauma, it becomes unbearable for someone with abandonment issues to live a happy life. Untreated and unresolved emotional distress can even lead to mental breakdowns and self-harm.

20. Overthinking Everything

Your partner or friend fails to notice a text message from you, and this one tiny little event pushes you down the rabbit hole of obsessive and negative thinking. You start wondering if they are trying to avoid you or if you have done something to upset them.

Overthinking can eventually destroy even the healthiest relationships.

How To Heal From Abandonment Issues?

To heal from abandonment issues,

  • Recognize the source of your abandonment trauma.
  • If you have attachment issues, you can monitor how they are influencing your behavioral patterns in relationships.
  • You can work toward forming secure attachment styles by being aware of your vulnerabilities.
  • Voicing your needs through clear communication is always an ideal way to develop healthy relationships.
  • You can seek professional help and opt for therapy or relationship counseling 

Don’t Let What Happened To You Define You!

Now that you have a fair idea of how to deal with abandonment issues, introspect your behavioral and thought patterns. Sit with your overwhelming emotions and get to the root of your fear of abandonment. Then work on developing healthy self-esteem, trust, and secure attachments.

Suffering From Abandonment Issues pin
Suffering Abandonment Issues

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Mental Health And Christmas: 6 Strategies For Preserving Your Peace Of Mind At Christmas

Mental Health And Christmas: Tips For Christmas Calm

Christmas is that time of the year when laughter, warmth and family is what we bask in. The streets shimmer with festive lights, there’s delicious food all around us, and the air is filled with the melodies of carols. Still, many people during this time fight their own internal battles and deal with mental health problems. So what is the connection between mental health and Christmas?

Christmas can be a tough thing to deal with if you are someone struggling with your finances, feeling lonely or have lost someone close to you. Moreover, the societal pressure to feel joyous and participate in numerous social gatherings can be pretty overwhelming.

Sometimes, you may feel inadequate as a result of comparing the perfect holiday you idealize and your personal experiences that do not meet these ideals.

Up Next

7 Red Flags Of A Fragile Male Ego

Red Flags Of A Fragile Male Ego

Welcome to a straightforward look at the fragile male ego – a sensitive part of a man’s identity that can easily sway. This is not about generalization; it is about highlighting the actions that come up when a man’s self-assurance is shaken.

We are going to talk about eight things that show how a man may be fighting his ego today. If you are a man who struggles with fragile male ego syndrome, then you have come to the right place. Don’t beat yourself up for being like this, the fact that you are here and trying to figure what is what, shows you are interested in working on this.

So, ready to take a deep

Up Next

How To Tell If ‘People-Pleasing’ Is A Fawn Trauma Response? 10 Signs To Look For!

Fawn Trauma Response: Warning Signs Of People-Pleasing

Ever feel like going the extra mile to please others even if it meant that your own needs were being ignored? Well, maybe you’ve heard of a thing called “fawn trauma response.” Let’s unpack this and see if it sounds familiar.

What Does Fawning Mean?

When someone fawns, they excessively seek approval or avoid conflicts by pleasing other people. Therapist Peter Walker invented the concept of the fawn response as a way of describing a situation in which an individual’s reaction to trauma is focused on the needs of others and not on himself/herself.

Up Next

How To Deal With Despair: 5 Steps To Deal With Lingering Emotional Pain

How To Deal With Despair: Effective Strategies To Heal

Living with despair and dealing with it day in and day out can be an exhausting thing to go through. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Knowing how to deal with despair, especially knowing the right strategies can help you transform your pain into strength. Let’s explore what it feels like to deal with despair, and how to deal with despair.


Every life is eventually touched by tragedy. No one is exempt from sufferings such as illness or the loss of a loved one.

Ways to reduce despair include acknowledging rather than hiding it, avoiding toxic positivity, and seeking out fellowship.

Up Next

10 Healthy Things To Do When You Feel Lonely, According To Therapists

Healthy Things To Do When You Feel Lonely

Feeling lonely can hit like a ton of bricks, whether you’re dealing with adulting, moving away from home or breaking up. But don’t worry because mental health experts suggest some things to do when you feel lonely.

It is not loneliness that is determined only by external factors like physical isolation, but a complex feeling that can take up one’s whole life no matter how many people are around.

Up Next

Mental Health and Holidays: How to Safeguard Your Mental Health Amidst Holiday Hustle And Bustle

Mental Health and Holidays: Strategies For Wellness

Holiday season is usually presented as a time of happiness, enjoyment and unity. However, for many people, this season may also trigger anxiety, grief or depression. Let’s learn about mental health and holidays.

In our excitement to meet up with family members and carry out different celebrations such as Christmas festivities, it is important to put our mental health first and think about the impact the holiday season might have on us psychologically.

Today we will explore the issue of mental health during the holidays highlighting holiday blues, stress and strategies that can be used to make it easier for you through this period.

Mental Health and Holidays 

Up Next

Feeling Alone In The Season of Togetherness? 5 Tips To Cope With Loneliness On Holidays

Feeling Loneliness On Holidays? Tips To Brighten Your Days

Winter celebrations like Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa are all about having fun with friends and family. But sometimes, even with all the happiness around, you might get the feeling of loneliness on holidays.

If you’re dealing with bouts of loneliness, it’s important to know that you’re not the only one, and there are ways to deal with it. Dealing with long-lasting loneliness might need some special help. But there are also simple things you can do when you’re feeling lonely during the holidays.

This guide is here to help you understand and handle holiday loneliness. We’ll give you easy tips to feel better and enjoy the festive season more. Let’s beat those holiday blues together with simple steps and support. Happy holidays!