Being in love can happen involuntarily, we might feel attraction or lust towards anyone and start obsessing about them. We meet someone and we feel a rush of certain chemicals in our bodies that trick us into believing that we love this person but this rush doesn’t last long.
“The problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades.”- M. Scott Peck
It is when the two people share a bonding, understanding, and belongingness that goes beyond the initial rush and infatuation phase, the relationship becomes throbbing, fulfilling and long lasting.
When couples have gone past the initial glittery stages of love, it is then we can say they are both in together for a long haul and chances are they aren’t just romantic partners but good friends to each other.
It is then we can be sure that the chances of the relationship being happy, fulfilling and long lasting are infinitely higher.
Having a partner who loves and cares for you feels wonderful, but if he/she is also your good friend, this takes the relationship to an entire new level!
Here are eight signs to recognise with in your relationship to know if you have found a friend in your partner too:
1) You got each other’s back
Real relationships don’t mean facebook official posts or cutesy Instagram pictures together. They don’t even mean daily good morning or good night texts or happy hours together.
A great friendship also does not mean just celebrating the good times together. It means sailing through the bad times and failures together.
When you know that your partner would do everything possible to help you out in troubled times and you would do the same for them, you have got a relationship and friendship that’s worth its weight in gold.
The true sign of a good relationship is when you got each other’s back, no matter what.
2). Your talks and silence with them are both effortless and beautiful
When your partner is also your best friend, you share an incredible mental and emotional compatibility with them. You can talk to them for hours effortlessly about anything under the sun and you can also enjoy sitting in silence with them, doing nothing together.
3).Your arguments don’t ruin your relationship
When two people are together, it is natural to have difference of opinion sometimes. But when your partner is also your best friend and you share great understanding and respect, you have healthy discussions with them instead of mean and nasty fights.
You try to find out a solution or a common ground and don’t end your relationship over petty fights.
“The other day my grandma told me, “when you and him are fighting, you both need to remember that it’s you two vs. the problem, not you vs. him and that hit me hard.”
4) You can be your crazy, wild and geeky self with them
We all have our inner nerd, geek, wild, dark or crazy side. We all have some fantasies, crazy whims or quirks that we don’t generally share with the world. If your partner is also your best friend, you will be able to reveal all your sides to them fearlessly. They will give you the space to be 100 percent yourself without any fear of judgment or ridicule.
You can be absolutely naked with them in mind, body and spirit without any masks on and that’s fucking beautiful
5). You are each other’s biggest cheerleader and bring out the best in each other
Genuine friends always have your best interest at heart. They want you to reach your highest potential. They will always be your biggest cheer leader.
They will also disagree with you or point out your mistakes and show some tough love if required without being mean or nasty because they want to bring out the best in you.
If you and partner are each other’s best friends and you come together for a higher purpose of supporting each other’s growth and bringing out the best in each other, your relationship will grow beautifully and flourish beyond all odds.
“Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth… Love is as love does. Love is an act of will — namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” – M. Scott Peck
6) You embrace forgiveness and compassion
All of us falter sometimes. We have our human limitations and frailties. When we understand our own limitations and accept the human paradox of not being perfect all the times, we do not set up an unrealistic expectation of perfection for our partner as well.
We do not go finding reasons or intentions behind their mistakes. We give them the benefit of doubt knowing that they are trying their best and everyone will falter sometimes in spite of best their intentions.
Embracing forgiveness and compassion and sticking through the tough times is really the glue that holds any friendship together.
7) There is a lot more “Us” than “I” in your relationship
Have you ever been with people who make every interaction into a one up game? All interactions with them are about “I” did this and “I” did that. In relationships like that where two people are just competing with each other and trying to extract what they can from the relationship, how long do you think it will last?
One of the people in such relationships will invariably leave when they feel they are not getting what they want from the relationship.
On the other hand, if you come in a relationship where you work as a team and support each other to reach your highest potential, you grow and evolve together.
If your partner is also your best friend, there would be more “Us” and less “I in the relationship.
8) You don’t operate out of fear or insecurities or any sign of toxic codependency
Sometimes people stay in toxic relationships out of fear or insecurities or because they tolerate their loneliness very poorly.
We have been fed this juvenile idea that dependency is love. But if you have done the inner work, you would be able to differentiate between a healthy love and codependency
Healthy love happens between two mature individuals who are quite capable of being on their own but choose to be with each other out of love and not compulsion.
“Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.”- M.Scott Peck
When you have done the inner work and don’t come from a place of fear or insecurity, there are high chances that you will find someone who is on the same path of growth and evolution as you and will become your best friend on the evolutionary journey.
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