Not too long ago, I was talking with a friend about the success his and his family were having. He had just received a promotion at work and a substantial bump in compensation. His wife had also gotten a new job and was making twice her former salary.
Life was going really well for them.
As I listened to him recount his recent success, I was truly happy for him. He and his wife have been through some hard times and deserve every bit of their success.
But I confess that the more he talked, the worse I felt about myself. My joy morphed into jealousy as I secretly wondered why so many good things werenโt happening for me, too.
When we think of destructive emotions, we tend to focus on the obvious ones like lust, anger, and pride. But jealousy is equally destructive because once you start comparing yourself to others, itโs almost impossible to stop. Life becomes one giant contest and you see everyone as a competitor instead of a collaborator.
Read Shadow Work: How to Let Your Demons Guide You
No one is immune to seductive whispers of jealousy. We must constantly be on the lookout for the โgreen-eyed monsterโ that loves to tell these seven lies:
1. Jealousy lies to you about yourself.
Just because youโre feeling bad about yourself doesnโt mean it reflects reality. Jealousy makes you view your life and work through a negative lens.
When we feel anger, lust, or other strong emotions, we know itโs dangerous to act on them in an inappropriate way. So why do we feel itโs OK to indulge our jealousy?
Just because you feel bad about yourself doesnโt mean it reflects reality.
2. Jealousy lies about the reality of other peopleโs lives.
Whatever we see of other peopleโs lives, especially on social media, is only what they choose to show us. Itโs human nature to only show the good parts.
Therefore, what you see on your Facebook or Twitter feeds are mostly smiles, successes, and wins. You rarely see the heartbreaks, screw-ups, and failures. (And to be fair, we do the same, donโt we?)
3. Jealousy lies about your own accomplishments.
When you focus on othersโ achievements and why you donโt measure up, you quickly forget about the thingsย youย have accomplished.
If you take a few moments to write down your wins over the last six months or a year, you will be surprised at all the things youโve accomplished.
Read How To Stop Being Jealous
4. Jealousy lies about the meaning of success.
We tend to measure our success in relationship to everyone else. If someone else has more than we do, we see them as more successful. If we have more, then they are less successful.
The most important way to gauge your success is by asking whether you have done your best and reached your personal potential. You canโt measure success by the fickle winds of money, fame, or your number of clients or blog subscribers.
5. Jealousy lies about the price of success.
When youโre jealous of what others have accomplished, youโre only seeing the results of their success, not the process or the costs of getting there.
We donโt realize that they probably labored for years in obscurity before hitting the big time or making good money.
Jealousy says that we should be enjoying those results, too, but itโs a lieย unless we have also put in the work.
6. Jealousy lies about the importance of your emotions.
We are all emotional creatures, but we canโt be ruled by emotions. Otherwise, we would never get anything accomplished.
Just because youย feelย jealous doesnโt mean that itโs helpful or even valid.
We all must learn the discipline of setting our emotions of jealousy, laziness, and fear, and just get down to work.
Read 3 Practical Steps To Integrate Your Brain And Avoid Feeling Stuck
7. Jealousy lies about your influence.
Jealousy likes to diminish our success in our own eyes. It makes us forget about the things we have achieved and the hurdles we have climbed.
But the truth is that there are people in your circle who are jealous of you. They wish they had your skill, position, accomplishments, or success. No matter who you are, you have some level of influence.
Instead of spending emotional energy being jealous, we can focus on helping others to achieve our level of success, whatever it may be.
Itโs been said that the best medicine is prevention. When you understand how jealousy can be such a destructive force in your life, you can take measures to curb its influence.
Donโt play the comparison game. Your life is yours alone to live, and your only true competitor is your own potential.
What are some ways you have overcome jealousy in your life?
Related Video: 12 Signs That Will Help You Spot A Person Who Is Secretly Jealous Of You
Written by Kent Sanders
Originally appeared on KentSanders
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