Did you know that there are important things to know about someone before you start dating them that will set you up for relationship success?
I know that it seems very practical and unromantic but knowing some key things is the way to finding lasting happiness.
We all go into our first dates hoping for the best. Hoping that this will be the ONE who will end our lonely days forever.
And with that hope comes an eagerness to get to know someone but it also comes with a reluctance to ask questions.
Why? Because we often don’t want to know the answers.
It’s important to know a few basic facts about someone before you commit to spending more time developing a relationship. Without knowing the facts, you could miss some serious red flags and waste a HUGE amount of time in your search for the ONE.
And we don’t want that.
Here are 5 things to know about someone before you start dating them:
1- Are they married?
Seriously? You need to ask that question and get a straight answer? The answer is a resounding YES!
You would be amazed at how many married people out there want to date other people. Some of them are in open marriages and some of them just want to fool around. Either way, you want to know the answer.
If the answer is yes, you need to decide if you want to be involved with a married person. Being involved with a married person brings with it a multitude of issues, most notably making it very difficult for you to find the ONE, no matter what he tells you.
And that is the goal right? Finding the ONE?
2- How long have they been single?
Once you know they are single, it’s important to know how long they have been single.
As a general rule of thumb, we experts recommend that you not date someone who has been divorced within the last two years. Divorce wreaks havoc that regular breakups do not and the recovery period is longer. A newly divorced person just won’t be ready for you, in spite of what they might think.
If your potential partner has just gone through a non-marriage break up that could also be a red flag. Someone who is newly out of a relationship could be, consciously or unconsciously, looking for a rebound relationship. You do NOT want to be the rebound person.
Ideally, your prospective mate would be someone who has been single for a period of time, not just because they have had time to recover from a breakup but because it’s more likely that they are no longer attached to the person they broke up with.
Nobody wants to date someone who is still holding a torch for someone else, do they?
3- Are they employed?
One of the first questions we ask when we meet anyone is “What do you do?” It’s what Americans do. And it can be a tough question to answer, especially in this day and age when people do a variety of things at once.
A more important question is “Are you currently working?”
The reasons you want to know the answer to this question? Because you want to know if they are financially and emotionally secure.
Financial security is obvious. No one wants to get involved with someone who can’t carry his or her weight financially. The emotional security is a tougher one.
People who are unemployed are often in a delicate position emotionally. They could be actively seeking work and unable to find any. They could be thinking that the work out there is below them and refuse to compromise. They could have had issues at an old job that continue on into new jobs. All of these situations could lead to insecurity and low self-esteem.
Insecurity and low self-esteem are not things that lend themselves well to a healthy relationship. And DON’T think that you can fix them because you can’t.