ways to handle a non committal guy

When you have been with someone for a long time, it’s natural to expect that they will be also interested in making the relationship official. But what happens when no matter how much they claim to be ‘serious’ about you, the mere thought of commitment makes them run for the hills?

Is He A Non-Committal Guy?

Perhaps you feel you met the One. Yet he pulls away soon after, leaving you in limbo. Has he met someone else?  Why is he running hot and cold? Do you have a future together? You wonder, is it me? Is it him? Is this a non committal guy and if so why do I mess with him? And you wonder, how do I handle a non committal guy?

Maybe you tend to be involved with a guy for a few months and then he always falls away mysteriously, leaving you alone. Or you have been with a guy for 10 years who brings over the chicken soup when you are sick, but he can’t say the L word and is truly a non committal guy. 

Or maybe you are in a long-term on-again, off-again relationship where one or the other of you periodically withdraws or sees other people. The whole thing can be very unsettling and uncertain emotionally.

Have you ever been involved and in love with one man for months, or even years, only to find that he simply cannot or will not take that next step into living together or marriage? Instead, he gets irritated, distant, angry, or simply hits the highway if there is any talk of sharing a future together? If you have read this far I know that you have had at least one of these FRUSTRATING experiences with a guy.

Related: 5 Distinct Characteristics of an ‘On-again’ ‘Off-again’ Relationship

5 Ways To Handle A Non Committal Guy

How to Handle a Non Committal Guy: Step 1: Understanding Your Differences

It is easy to assume that because you have been together a certain length of time, sleeping together or seeing each other frequently, that you are exclusive or moving towards a commitment with a shared future. Because of this assumption, you let yourself off the hook in terms of the need to speak up. 

You reassure yourself that everything is moving along fine. You tell yourself, I certainly don’t want to rock the boat by speaking up and then driving him away. But muting yourself is a very dangerous thing to do. Your boyfriend thinks very differently from you.

Remember, men often view a committed relationship as a smothering noose or a heavy rack of burdens. A woman will refer to a guy she has been seeing as her boyfriend, while he may not even see her as remotely in the ballpark of being his girlfriend. She is just someone he is currently sleeping with. This kind of disconnect can go on for a year or more until he drops the “I’m-not-in-love-with-you” bomb.  

You cannot afford to waste your super precious time in these murky grey waters. You deserve the love you really want in your heart of hearts. Coming from that place and when the time is right, you need to have a mature straightforward discussion with your Beloved. Love flows out of an open, honest dialogue where there is talking, listening, and sharing.

handling a non committal guy
5 Ways To Handle A Non-Committal Guy

How to Handle a Non Committal Guy Step 2: Speaking Your Truth

This is something you must do for yourself. Because it’s you who feels the pressure of time ticking away and it’s you who needs to know if he wants a future with you if he loves you if he wants a family or a baby with you. And you need to know sooner rather than later. 

To not speak your truth is deadly. If you don’t you will find a gradual erosion of your own self-respect and self-love and a smoldering resentment that over time you will not be able to cover up. The upset is bound to seep out and poison your relationship so that in the end it will end badly. So you need to summon the courage to speak your truths.

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Dr. Diana Kirschner

Psychologist Dr. Diana Kirschner appeared on Oprah and stars in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days. Through her books and acclaimed coaching team, Dr. Diana has helped tens of thousands all over the world to create self-confidence, success, and lasting soulmate love. Dr. Diana’s website, www.Lovein90Days.com is a leading source of empowerment, dating, and love advice.View Author posts