Tips for Emotional Empaths To Feel At Ease In Relationships

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Are you an emotional empath, who sometimes struggles to be happy and satisfied in a romantic relationship? Well, there are ways you can do that!

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloffโ€™s New York Times Bestseller โ€œEmotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Lifeโ€ (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

Emotional Empaths: Loneliness gets to some more than others.

But why it hangs on isnโ€™t always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes. In my practice and workshops, Iโ€™ve been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call โ€œemotional empathsโ€ come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years. Or else theyโ€™re in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isnโ€™t simply that โ€œthere arenโ€™t enough emotionally available people โ€˜out there,โ€™โ€ nor is their burnout โ€œneurotic.โ€ Personally and professionally, Iโ€™ve discovered that something more is going on.

Emotional empaths are a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be hard to take, which may cause us to bolt.

Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partnerโ€™s energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we donโ€™t have time to decompress in our own space. Weโ€™re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five.

Want to know more about how empaths can feel overwhelmed? Read 15 Things That Lead To Frequent Emotional Burnout in Empaths and HSP

Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnerships because deep down theyโ€™re afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isnโ€™t understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely; we want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesnโ€™t feel safe. One empath-patient told me, โ€œIt helps explain why at thirty-two Iโ€™ve only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year.โ€ Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined.

Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needsโ€“the physical and time limits you set with someone so you donโ€™t feel theyโ€™re on top of you.

Empaths canโ€™t fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this.

Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an armโ€™s length. In doctorsโ€™ waiting rooms Iโ€™ll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away.

With friends, itโ€™s about half that. With a mate itโ€™s variable. Sometimes itโ€™s rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a โ€œKeep Outโ€ sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love. All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if youโ€™ve felt suffocated before.

Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you donโ€™t know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate othersโ€“make clear that this isnโ€™t about not loving themโ€“but get the discussion going. Once you can, youโ€™re able to build progressive relationships.

If youโ€™re an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom donโ€™t jibe with you, practice the following tips.

DEFINE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE NEEDS

Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate

As youโ€™re getting to know someone, share that youโ€™re a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being โ€œoverly sensitive,โ€ wonโ€™t respect your need.

Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style

Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space.

Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good nightโ€™s rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Are you in a relationship with an empath? Read 9 Lessons Iโ€™ve Learned About Being An Empath In An Intimate Relationship

Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs

You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isnโ€™t a prison. Breathing room is mandatory.

Ask yourself, โ€œWhat space arrangements are optimal?โ€ Having an area to retreat to, even if itโ€™s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable.

Hereโ€™s why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partnerโ€™s vibes are sublime, sometimes Iโ€™d rather not sense them even if theyโ€™re only hovering near me. Iโ€™m not just being finicky; itโ€™s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip 4. Travel wisely

Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, Iโ€™ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. โ€œOut of sightโ€ may make the heart grow fonder.

Are you looking for ways to make yourself feel better, as an empath? Read 10 Strategies To Protect Your Energy As An Empath

Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks

Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload.

Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, โ€œI need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if Iโ€™m having fun,โ€ a form of self-care that he supports.

In my medical practice, Iโ€™ve seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) whoโ€™ve been lonely and havenโ€™t had a long-term partner before. Once youโ€™re able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible.


If you are an emotional empath, and you find yourself feeling suffocated in your relationship sometimes, then donโ€™t freak out. Donโ€™t think that you are not meant for a relationship and you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. You just need to know what works for you, and what doesnโ€™t and communicate that to your partner. This will help both of you establish a strong and understanding relationship.

If you want to know more about how you can feel at east in relationships, as an emotional empath, then check out this video below:

Source โ€“ Dr. Judith Orloff.com

Tips for Emotional Empaths To Feel At Ease In Relationships

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