A Low Maintenance Relationship (LMR) is when a couple is mutually exclusive to one another but not in a FULL relationship. A low maintenance relationship includes NOT needing to talk to them every day, maybe SOME texting per day but NOT a superabundance.
A low maintenance relationship might sound impossible to maintain but it is not so.
A LMR is for active individuals who have many responsibilities and have no time for a FULL relationship.
Notice I said low, not no. Relationships are like a complex machine with many moving parts. Maintenance is a must, not an option.
Regular maintenance, like putting fresh oil in the motor of your car, will keep it purring along for years to come. My manufacturer recommends putting in fresh oil every 3,000 miles. Sounds like a lot but my motor is running perfectly six years after buying the car.
The point here is that regular attention to the complex machine called “your relationship” helps avoid the build-up of unwanted dirt and grime which leads to break-downs.
This may seem obvious but you would be surprised how many couples get caught up in the daily grind of work, bills, and kids. Thinking about the relationship plays second fiddle to the game of survival.
And yet, if we don’t pay attention to our primary relationship, it will suffer. This I know both personally and through my practice as a psychotherapist.
Lest you get depressed, low maintenance relationships are possible. Ideally, you think about creating one before getting into a relationship. Way less work.
If you are in a relationship, changing over to a low-maintenance relationship (LMR) will take both partners defining what constitutes an LMR, and consciously working towards creating this state of bliss.
Here is the one way to have a Low Maintenance Relationship:
Find a Low-Maintenance Person (LMP)!
If you do this, 95% of your work is done for you. I have had high maintenance partners and low maintenance partners. Low is way less effort and much more fun.
You may be asking, what does a low-maintenance person look like?
Here are eight qualities I have found in LMPs.
In other words, they can live without you. They want to live with you, but don’t need you. There is a big difference.
2) Lived on their own at some point in their life.
If they are coming straight from living with their parents, not a good sign. In some cultures, this may be hard to avoid, but it is something to take into consideration. Are they used to being taken care of?
3) Don’t complain about others.
If they complain about others it will be only a matter of time before they start complaining about you.
4) Have friends – good friends.
This is a telling feature. If she or he has friends, it means that they will not be relying on you for all their psychological and connection needs. This will be a big weight off your shoulders.
However, you must be able to share your partner with others. Naturally, there is a balance to be negotiated but with an LMP comes a demand on you to support their full engagement in life, which includes friends.
5) Have done personal work.
In other words, he or she has participated in personal development workshops, psychotherapy, or read and studied philosophy, psychology, sociology, and the humanities (though this last one does not mean that they have integrated what they have studied. I find experiential work is more powerful).
When someone who has worked on themselves comes into a relationship, they are more likely to know and own their shit and not project it onto you.
Hell, this alone cuts down the number of fights you will have and also improves the quality of the fights. If you too have worked on yourself, conflict can be an opportunity for mutual learning rather than a disaster to be avoided at all costs.