The world of dating, love and relationships is still a mystery to most. The key to solving this mystery lies in your darkest secrets and revealing your true self.
If there are pain and distance in your relationship – or if you’re stuck with no relationship at all – chances are you’re making things worse without even realizing it.
In fact, the very things you think will create closeness and connection are likely the very things making it impossible to have the type of relationship you’re yearning for.
After counseling thousands of struggling couples and frustrated singles, I’ve discovered the true secret to creating unbreakable intimacy.
If you want to create lasting love with that one special person who makes your heart soar, I can help you make that a reality.
But first you have to STOP making these love-blocking mistakes:
Love-Blocking Mistake #1: You Hide Who You Really Are
If you’re dating and you’ve met someone you really like, you spend each date trying to appear as easygoing and likable as possible.
In your online profile, you don’t post the goofy picture of yourself dancing to show tunes, and you go along with your date’s movie pick even though you really can’t stand action films.
The last thing you want to do is rock the boat or appear high maintenance or needy.
Instead, you present the most perfect picture possible.
This approach may get you a second date and even the start of a relationship, but sooner or later, you won’t be able to keep up the act.
Your partner has fallen in love with a fantasy, not the real you. What’s more, you will forever be in a state of anxiety, living with the fear of knowing that the mask can drop at any given moment.
Love-Blocking Mistake #2: You’re Not Honest About What You Want
You’ve always wanted to get married and have a family, but you keep mum about this to your dates. You don’t want to scare them off.
If you’re already in a relationship, you don’t admit to your partner that you’d rather stay in tonight than go out. If you disagree with him or her it might lead to an argument.
You’d rather give in and “compromise” than creating any grief.
But if you’re just going along with things to keep the peace, you’re shutting down an important part of yourself in the process, and you’re digging yourself a hole of pain.
You may be in a relationship for decades, but it’s not one that makes you feel fulfilled, or propels you to be all you were meant to be.
Gradually, you’ll build up a well of resentment that drives an enormous wedge between you and your partner.
Love-Blocking Mistake #3: You Prioritize Security Over Adventure
Being left by your partner or staying single is a scary prospect, and you want to avoid it at all costs.
In an attempt to hold on to a relationship, you become hypervigilant.
If you see an attractive woman at your boyfriend’s office, your antenna goes up.
All of a sudden… you start trying to control his actions. Instead of talking about what’s on your mind, you give him an attitude for going to happy hour with his team.
Or if he starts showing interest in a new hobby, you get suspicious and begrudge the time he spends away from you.
In the meantime, you curb your own passions because you don’t want to divert any attention away from your partner.
But these attempts to hold on to your relationship actually become the main reason it starts falling apart.
Your partner starts to feel stifled. The exciting, feel-good energy that initially brought you together completely disappears.
The very nightmare you were trying to avoid – him wanting more space from you – starts to become a reality.
The ONLY Way To Create An Unbreakable Relationship Isn’t About Hiding, Pretending, Or Controlling… It’s About BARING YOUR TRUE SELF
If we are never truly known, we can never truly be loved.
You see, real connection and intimacy can only develop when we are vulnerable enough to reveal who we really are – even at the risk that it might turn some people away.
When you take the bold leap and let someone see your true colors – and they STILL stay – that’s when you know you’ve found the person you were meant to spend your life with.
And it’s the only way to guarantee you’ll find a partner who “gets you” like nobody else and would never think of leaving.
As nice as it is to get asked on a second date, or finally have a boyfriend, or keep the peace with your husband over dinner… if you are hiding who you truly are, you are never “at home” in your relationship or your heart.
Instead, I urge you to be heroic in your authenticity. Dare to bare who you are really are, and be rewarded with the sweetest of loves, with a heart to come home to, and with the kind of soul-satisfying love you’ve always yearned for.
And I will guide you every step of the way.
I’ve helped thousands of clients who thought real love just wasn’t going to happen for them, or were convinced it didn’t exist at all.
My biggest joy has been witnessing these same individuals filled with joy after following the principles I’ve seen work again and again for attracting and keeping the love of a lifetime.
Now I’d like to help you.
I’ll teach you exactly how to create a truly authentic relationship from the very first date – or how to bring deep intimacy and understanding into your existing relationship.
Learning how to be heroically authentic in relationships is actually easier than all of the hiding, pretending, and controlling you’ve done in the past to make love last.
In fact, once you start following the principles I’m going to teach you, suddenly creating a deep connection with someone new – or the partner you’ve been with for years – will feel exhilarating. Like nothing, you’ve experienced before.
And your dates, or your partner, will start responding to you in a whole new way.
Being wholly and completely yourself evokes confidence and an energy that is irresistible.
They’ll feel drawn to you without knowing why. And they’ll be compelled to share their true self. Which is where the deep, and unbreakable seeds of real intimacy begin.
The trick is to learn exactly HOW to get in touch with your authentic self and how to confidently and effectively share it on dates, in your relationships, and with everyone you want to develop a closer, lasting bond with.
This isn’t something we are taught growing up… or that comes naturally to most people. Especially if we’ve experienced hurt in our past relationships.
But it is absolutely something that can be learned.
That’s why I created my love advice newsletter – to help you let go of all of the false beliefs you think will result in a forever relationship, and teach you what actually works to create this incredibly fulfilling type of love in your life.
When you subscribe to my free newsletter you’ll learn:
- What to share with your partner so that you never have to suppress what you want and need
- How to “teach” a partner how to be with you (your mate will know exactly how to make you feel safe, heard, and understood)
- How to cultivate a foundation of trust – and avoid the “negative surprises” that can derail even the most in-love couples
- A simple shift in mindset that will dramatically increase the level of intimacy you share with your partner
- The 4 common communication pitfalls couples can face and how to navigate them with ease so you emerge stronger and more connected
I’ll also guide you through a powerful exercise that will help you identify your core needs (if you have a tendency to defer to others… this one section can be life-changing).
Once you start using these principles, not only will you experience a complete love-life transformation, you’ll also gain a whole new appreciation for yourself and the unique gifts you bring to every relationship.
Written by Randi Gunther Ph.D.
Originally appeared in Heroic Love
You may also like:
- Secrets Of A Lasting Relationship: 10 Ways To Make Your Love Last
- 8 Signs Your Relationship Has What It Takes To LAST
- The Main Traits Of A Loving, Long Lasting Relationship
- 7 Daily Rituals Happy Couples Use To Cultivate Lasting Love
- 10 True Gifts of Love That Make Your Relationship Last
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