Moving on from toxic friendships.. Letting Friends Go
Have ever been friends with someone, like, forever and then something changes?
What used to be a two-way friendship is suddenly one-way traffic and it’s draining your life away?
It’s all about them.
Their day, their problems, their issues.
You get NOTHING in return.
Yet, you still you try to people-please them.
Yes, I’d love to come!
To that event you’d rather poke pins in your eyes than attend.
Because you think if you say no they’ll hate you for it and then you’ll hate yourself.
We accept relationship breakups as a normal part of life.
The break up of a friendship can be equally as painful, yet sometimes important for our well-being.
I was once close friends with someone for a long time.
Gradually I felt the friendship had become more and more one-sided.
It was draining me.
It was all about her and I started to people-please.
Trying to be the rescuer and help fix her problems, make it better.
It was becoming a codependent friendship.
I was so focused on her needs and looking after her I was forgetting my own.
It was exhausting trying to maintain that friendship all the time.
I remember calling her and saying:
I’m really sorry I haven’t phoned for a few weeks
Her response was that during that time her relative had almost died or her child had had this problem or other.
There was always some drama that I had missed.
I felt guilty, thinking:
Oh my goodness, I should have rung.
Look at all the heartache she’s been through!
After a while I thought:
Hang on a minute.
Why didn’t she ever ring me?
It was time for me to move on.
It goes both ways. Friendships.
You really know who your friends are when the chips are down.
There was a time in my career when I was hugely successful and everyone wanted to be my friend.
Everyone wanted a piece of me when I was flying high.
Then I started my own company and wham! – the recession hit and it was really tough.
I had to make the decision to close that company down.
All that shine and glamour around me sort of faded away.
Suddenly a lot of people disappeared.
You really know who your friends are when you’re down because they’re the ones who stick around.
It made me realize I had to take stock of my friendships just as one does with relationships.
I realized my self-worth and self-esteem should not depend on those friendships and my people-pleasing to gain their approval.
Friendships should be about enhancing your life and you enhancing theirs.
To be close to someone whose values are true to the same core values you have.
It’s not a bad idea at times to take stock and look at the people who are surrounding you.
One of my besties reminded me of a beautiful saying, the other day:
People come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime
Friends are there for a season, a reason or a lifetime.
I’ve travelled the world.
I’m from Australia. I’ve lived in Hong Kong, London, Shanghai and I’m now back in Hong Kong.
There have been many friendships that have just been about the season.
Friends I probably wouldn’t have normally have been friends with but we happened to be in the same geographical location at the same time.
Our kids were in the same school at the same time.
You know, that sort of friendship. And they were great at the time.
Then you leave the country and you never see them or talk to them again.
They’re the season friendships.
There are times when people come into your life for a reason.