Toxic Moms And 8 Ways To Survive This Mother's Day

The whole world is gearing up to celebrate Mother’s Day 2025, but what if your bond with your mother is not worth celebrating? It’s challenging to survive mother’s day when you have a toxic mom. But there’re ways you can cope with those tangled emotions that arise during this time.

Mother’s day can be rough for many people. There’re those who are without a child and those whose loving moms are no longer alive to celebrate with them.

But for those unloved daughters and sons whose moms are a constant source of distress, the second Sunday of May can be a reminder of a childhood they don’t cherish and didn’t deserve.

If you were hurt, ridiculed, neglected, scapegoated, and unloved by your mother, this holiday can hurt. This time of the year can bring to the surface complicated emotions that mess with your head and affect your emotional health badly.

It will take great effort to get through this day without letting the influence of your difficult mother overshadow your mind’s sky.

Read: How Toxic Mothers Can Ruin Their Child’s Chance At Happiness

Dealing with a toxic mother on Mother’s Day can be triggering due to the following probable scenarios:

you can cope with mothers day even with a toxic mom

If you’re in contact with your mother, you might feel compelled to painstakingly look for that perfect gift which will finally make her connect with you and so you carefully gift wrap and send it to her or give it to her yourself. But invariably, she finds a flaw in it or can’t stop talking about the present given to her by your sibling, ignoring yours, altogether.

You might wrestle with the idea of doing the bare minimum or struggle to express your gratitude and love for her without sounding unauthentic to yourself.

The barrage of Happy Mother’s Day images and messages on TV and social media, with happy faces of mom and child, gift ideas, and flowers, can be very triggering.

When you’re a mother yourself, your mom not being a part of this special Sunday, can strip away the joy from your shared time with your own child.

Questions about what you’re planning to do for your mom or listening to others talk about their plans with their mothers can be upsetting and unsettling.

This feeling of being singled out from the circle of people with loving and compassionate moms can bring up memories of your toxic mother and how alone she made you feel.

You might feel you’re still a child, trying to win over the approval and validation of an impossible to please difficult mom. This can take a hit to your sense-of-self, leaving you questioning your self-worth.

So, instead of allowing Mother’s day to unravel your life and peace of mind, let’s focus on surviving Mother’s Day – one year at a time. How to cope with mother’s day when you have a toxic mom?

Read: How To Not Be Like Your Mother: Heal Your Childhood Wounds Before It’s Too Late

How To Survive Mother’s Day when You Have a Toxic Mom

Here’re some ideas that can help you counter the influence of your toxic mother cope with what can be a very complex, intense, and challenging day:

1. Anticipate Triggers

Whether it’s getting Happy Mother’s Day messages from your bank’s customer service, seeing colleagues buying gifts for their moms, questions from your nosy aunt, or your toxic mom bait calling you – expect to be triggered and have emotional reactions around this time.

Stay one step ahead. Plan healthy coping mechanisms and have them in place. Book a short trip with a friend, go for regular walks, talk it out with a friend or a therapist, or start journaling.

2. Identify and Manage Your Emotions

Journaling can be very helpful to recognize and process those complex feelings. Write down how the day is making you feel and try to label your feelings. This will help you get a handle on your emotions.

While you write down your feelings, try to find out why you are feeling those emotions. Are you still longing for your abusive mother’s care? Are you still trying hard to please your difficult mom?

Identifying the reason behind your triggers can empower you to process your emotions. However, don’t ruminate or recreate past scenarios in your mind.

3. Let Go of Obligations

It’s okay not to get roped into the hoopla. While we respect the custom of honoring one’s mother, it’s perfectly fine to not engage with your mother who can traumatize you, again.

Don’t let anyone bully you into believing that your abusive mother deserves your time and you’re bound to duty to make her happy.

If your mother did not protect, nurture, or care for your needs, skipping Mother’s Day is a natural, healthy, and legitimate response.

Even if you feel like doing something, allow yourself to do less. If you feel compelled to go big, ask yourself why. If your toxic mom hasn’t invested in your stability and growth, do you have anything to prove to her or to the world?

4. Accept The Loss

It’s natural for adult children to crave the love and care that they didn’t receive growing up. But make your inner child face reality. Accept the fact that you did not get the mother you deserved and mourn the loss in your own way. Think about what your mother lost by not treating you well.

5. Set Boundaries and Manage Your Expectation

Difficult mothers can intentionally trigger you and make a big deal about why you are not visiting her on Mother’s Day or spending more time with her, but remember that you don’t owe her anything – not even an explanation.

Dealing with a toxic mother requires great self-restrain. If you do choose to be with her on this day, keep your expectations in check.

If she starts engaging in a negative way, simply excuse yourself or leave the place. Don’t confront her in front of an audience.

No one has the right to insult, belittle, or verbally abuse you, not even the woman you brought you to this world.

6. Be Your Own Mother

To heal your inner child and undo a toxic mother’s doings will need you to parent yourself. Do something special for yourself on this day.

Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself with an ice cream, or take yourself to an art gallery or a museum.

While you cherish yourself, understand that your mother’s behavior is a reflection of her own personality; it has nothing to do with you.

Think about how much the younger version of you has accomplished in spite of the looming presence of your difficult mother and feel proud of yourself.

7. Be Where You Feel Happy

Being with a loved one who makes you happy or being at a place where you feel safe can help you manage your anxious feelings around this day.

Unplugging and disconnecting from TV and social media might be a good option. So, plan ahead and spend this day with a partner, friend, or family member or just sit by a lake or beach to ground yourself.

8. Forgive and Move On (If Possible)

If your mother has shown significant change and growth and is trying very hard to salvage your strained relationship with her, you might consider talking with her and sharing how her negative parenting has scarred you.

If she is a changed woman now, this open and honest conversation will help you give closure to the repeating trigger of this day.

You can also try journaling or talking to a friend or therapist to resolve your issues, forgive your mom, and move on with your life.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While we strive for accuracy, we do not guarantee the completeness or reliability of the information provided. Readers should always seek guidance from a qualified mental health professional for any concerns regarding their mental well-being.

Your mother-wound created by your difficult mom can impact your romantic relationships, performance at work, quality of friendships, and overall well-being.

Therapy or counseling can equip you with the right tools and insights so that you can break this cycle and take charge of your life. A mental health professional can help you process those complex emotions and heal yourself, regardless of your age.

We hope you find this blog on surviving mother’s day when you have a toxic mom, to be helpful. Please let us know your thoughts by commenting below.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How to deal with a toxic mother on Mother’s Day?

Be prepared for emotional responses as they arise. Let go of the guilt and sense of obligation. Saying “no” is a powerful act of self-respect, and it’s okay to set firm boundaries. Remind yourself that your mother’s behavior is not a reflection of your worth or identity. Most importantly, consider seeking therapy.

Why is Mother’s Day so hard for me?

Mother’s Day can be a difficult and emotionally complex time for many. Whether you’re a mother yourself, have struggled to become one, have a strained relationship with your mom, or are grieving her absence, the day can stir feelings of emptiness and pain. Our mother is our first connection to love, safety, and identity—our very first home.

How to handle Mother’s Day?

Be gentle with yourself. Every emotion you experience, especially around Mother’s Day, is valid, and there’s no “right” way to feel. If things start to feel overwhelming, consider taking a break from social media. Spend time with your loved ones. Reach out and lean on others. You’re not alone in this—many people share these feelings, and support is always within reach.