6 Ways To Help A Child Who Has A Toxic Friend

 / 

, ,

Itโ€™s one of a parentโ€™s worst fears: A childโ€™s friend suddenly seems to have control of their childโ€™s mental health. A once-secure child is discovered crying hysterically in her room, withdraws from her family, and refuses to say anything for fear that a parent wonโ€™t understand.




Yet, when the child regains the approval of the toxic friend, the child is happy again. This rollercoaster of temporary highs and devastating lows repeats and the child canโ€™t seem to get off of the ride. Everything in the childโ€™s life begins to pivot around pleasing and appeasing the toxic friend.

Is it possible for a toxic friend to have that much power and control over another child? Yes, in fact, it is. Toxic people have an intense streak of narcissism. Egocentric and manipulative, the toxic person is masterful at creating a positive public image for himself or herself with parents, teachers, and coaches, yet, is very different behind closed doors.



Covert in his or her manipulations, the toxic child works hard to garner another childโ€™s trust. Once they have the childโ€™s trust, the toxic friend begins to say or do hurtful things.

Read 8 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship

For example, often a toxic friend excludes a child from events the child was previously involved in, and then displays these events on social media in order to hurt the child. Another example occurs when the toxic friend unfairly accuses the child of behaviors the child is not engaged in. This is often referred to as projection, and while normally a universal and benign defense mechanism, it is used to an extreme by a toxic individual. A third example occurs when the toxic friend aligns the childโ€™s friends against her behind her back.




The toxic person uses the first two examples to provoke the child. When the child attempts to ask why she was excluded or defends herself from an unfair accusation, the toxic friend uses this against the child, accusing the child of being โ€œdramaticโ€ or โ€œcrazy.โ€ The toxic friend also distorts this material and broadcasts it to friends behind the childโ€™s back, framing the child as the โ€œbad guy.โ€

If these symptoms and patterns become obvious to a parent, it is important to help your child. Demanding the child sever the friendship is rarely effective because the childโ€™s friends have likely been manipulated by the toxic friend and are now on the toxic friendโ€™s side. From a childโ€™s perspective, dealing with a toxic friend may be less terrifying than having no friends.

Moreover, itโ€™s often difficult for a child to see the manipulations because she has already been convinced that she is the problem. Most individuals struggling with a toxic relationship are unable to recognize the toxicity when actively engaged in the relationship.

In addition, approaching the toxic friendโ€™s parents or involving school officials also may backfire. Many toxic children have narcissistic tendencies because they have been exposed to dysfunctional ways of relating by a parent.

Toxic individuals deflect accountability and project blame elsewhere, so the parent of the toxic friend may incite additional drama and place more blame on the child. In addition, because the toxic friend has gone to great lengths to create a good public image for himself or herself with teachers and coaches, the school may not believe the parent.

Utilizing an empathic and thoughtful approach may be the most effective. Six techniques may help.




toxic friend

Here Are 6 Ways To Help A Child Who Has A Toxic Friend

1. Listen with an open heart. 

Refrain from telling the child what to do and instead empathize with what the child is feeling. If the child makes statements like, โ€œIโ€™m not good a good person.โ€ Or, โ€œI donโ€™t deserve to be here.โ€ The parent may try empathizing, โ€œIt hurts to feel ashamed and less than. I get it. There were times when I was your age when I felt like that too.โ€

Empathizing with the childโ€™s feelings allows them to feel understood and connected to you because you understand. This allows the child to feel less alone in her plight.

Read 8 Signs That Your Friend Is Your Frenemy

2. Next, ask open-ended questions.

Try to get the child talking. Hopefully, empathy has decreased the childโ€™s defensiveness so itโ€™s a good time to help the child open up. โ€œWhat makes you say that, honey?โ€ What is it that makes you feel like that?โ€

When the child opens up, again empathize with the feelings. โ€œYou have every right to be hurt. I would be too. What happened to you is not okay.โ€

3. Next, develop trust. 

Relay to the child that you will not go to the school or confront the other parent without the childโ€™s permission. Maintaining trust in the relationship is imperative. The childโ€™s trust has been repeatedly violated by the toxic friend, so having a relationship that embodies trust is critical.




In more serious cases of bullying, it may also be important to explain to the child why you need to talk to the school or the childโ€™s teacher.

4. Attempt to illuminate the toxic friendโ€™s unscrupulous tendencies.

Ask the child, โ€œWould you ever do that to anyone?โ€ Hopefully, the child will realize that she is not the problem; that the toxic friend is the one with the issues.

5. Be patient. 

The child may have a difficult time seeing the toxicity because she is too busy blaming herself. Yet, give her time and always be open to talking.

Read 9 Signs Of A Fake Friend

6. Help them get some distance from the toxic friend.

Encourage your child to reach out to friends from other circles, for example, kids from the neighborhood, church, choir, or volleyball. Finding other friends is imperative. Help them reach out to the healthy kids in their life whom they have not recognized as possible friends. Spending time with kids who are not associated with the toxic friend may allow them to experience feeling accepted, respected, and included.




These relationships may allow your child to differentiate between a toxic friendship and a healthy one. This insight may prevent your child from being manipulated by the toxic friend in the future.

The rates of narcissistic personality traits are growing rapidly in this country, which may partially explain the bullying epidemic. Social media makes it even easier for bullying to occur. The chances a child may find himself or herself stuck in a toxic friendship are high. It is critical that a parent possesses the tools to identify a toxic friendship and assist the child in escaping the abusive union before irreparable damage is done.


Written By Erin Leonard
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
Ways To Help A Child with toxic friend pin
Ways To Help A Child Who Has A Toxic Friend pin


— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

When Grandparentsโ€™ Love Goes Sour: 8 Signs Of Toxic Grandparents And How To Survive Them

Signs Of Toxic Grandparents

Have you ever noticed certain behaviors that make you wonder if your grandparentsโ€™ love might be a littleโ€ฆ off? Spotting the signs of toxic grandparents can be tough, especially when society paints them as the ultimate source of unconditional love and support.

But sometimes, grandparents might cross boundaries, show favoritism, or create a stressful environment that doesnโ€™t quite feel right. If youโ€™ve ever felt uneasy about their behavior, youโ€™re not alone.

In this article, weโ€™ll dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of toxic grandparents and give you some strategies regarding how to deal with toxic grandparents, without causing family drama.

First, let us try to understand what are toxic grandparents.

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or itโ€™s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, weโ€™re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults โ€“ those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

The Hidden Toll of Childhood Emotional Incest: Identifying Signs and Effects

Emotional incest confuses parent-child dynamics, creating emotional dependency. Letโ€™s look at the signs and effects of this incomprehensible relationship to gain a better understanding.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Emotional incest has been compared to actual incest because it similarly creates long-lasting effects on psychosocial developme

Up Next

How To Create A Toddler-Friendly Home: 10 Helpful Tips For New Parents!

Bringing a toddler to your house can be both exciting and challenging. As soon as they begin taking notice of their surroundings, the environment in which they dwell must be secure, comfortable, and conducive to growth.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

It is important to learn how to create a toddler-friendly home because this will provide them with holistic development o

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Familiesโ€™

Up Next

Why Do I Hate My Father? 8 Effective Ways to Mend Your Relationship

โ€œWhy do I hate my father?โ€ โ€“ if you have ever asked yourself this question, then trust me, you are not alone. Not having a good relationship with your father is one of the most painful things to experience in life.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Father-child relationships can be really complicated in many cases, and itโ€™s normal to feel a mix of emotions. Whethe

Up Next

5 Steps To Raise An Emotionally Intelligent Child

Raising an emotionally intelligent child can seem challenging, but honestly, it doesnโ€™t have to be. This article is going to talk about the importance of nurturing emotional intelligence in children, and how it can help them thrive emotionally, as well as socially.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});