Toxic relationships aren’t something that just happens. Most of the time it starts off like any healthy relationship. But over time the combination of you two becomes toxic. Suddenly you end up in this emotionally abusive relationship where you don’t even realize the damage that’s been done simply because the damage occurred over a period of time. When one is in a toxic relationship you don’t see how bad it is. You don’t see how much it hurts. You grow numb to the pain. You dismiss the bad parts while clinging to the good parts that act as a highlight reel.
To end a toxic relationship is hard in itself but to recover from one is where the real challenge begins.
You suddenly become skeptical of everyone. Someone shows you their best and you expect the worst. You enter every relationship not just lacking trust within another but you don’t even trust yourself anymore.
You associate relationships with control and not something mutual where you meet halfway.
You think your best isn’t good enough because every time before this person looked for any mistake you made, any excuse to lose it on you, any reason to go after you and they did.
You learned to tiptoe and walk on eggshells because you never knew when they’d lose it.
And maybe it wasn’t physical abuse but emotional abuse does just as much if not worse damage.
When you mess with someone’s head and you blame them for everything suddenly they second themselves, suddenly they question their choices, suddenly they doubt themselves and they seek the approval of those around them.
Overthinking. Overtrying. So much effort towards someone who doesn’t deserve it. But you don’t see it that way. What you learn to is yourself through their eyes.
And along with them picking you apart, they groom you so much the things they used to say to you, you’re now saying to yourself. A negative stream of blows they turn into self-destruction.
They are constantly striving to be good enough but when your best was never enough you learned to point at yourself and not other.
You learn to not believe compliments and if you do, you wonder what someone’s motive is.
Because in toxic relationships you learned kindness came with strings attached. Favors came with ownership. Gifts were used a blackmail and manipulation.
Toxic relationships are more about what you do to boost someone else’s ego or how you make someone else look. You are never your own person but rather an extension of someone else. Through that, you fail learning your own identity thinking all you are good for is what you can do for someone else. Your own self-worth begins to be defined by someone else and through someone else’s eyes.