Did you know that there are a few expectations you can set for yourself when going through a breakup, that will help you deal with the pain better?
When you are going through a breakup, the prospect of getting on with your life seems completely impossible. You are alone, in pain, missing your person and you have no hope that you will ever be happy again. Your life is horrible and you aren’t sure how you are going to get through it.
I can promise you that you will get through it. Broken hearts don’t last forever and there are some things that you can do to hasten their mending.
An important part of getting over your broken heart quicker is to set expectations for yourself when you are going through a breakup. Expectations that will allow you to be strong in the face of everything that is happening and have hope for the future.
Let me share some excellent expectations that you can set so that you can get well and move one.
Here Are 5 Expectations To Set For Yourself When Going Through a Break-Up
1. You will not reach out.
What I tell my clients who are going through a break up is that the number one most important part of surviving a breakup and getting past it is to go ‘no contact.’
Many of us seek to be friends with our ex or stalk them on social media or ask their friends how they are – generally just going about our lives as if our ex was still a part of it.
And this never works.
A client of mine, whose boyfriend broke up with her after 8 years, was obsessed with following his Instagram and Facebook feeds. She saw him looking happy, going on with his life, and getting a new girlfriend. The hurt that she felt looking at his life was so much that it stopped her from moving on. She stayed obsessed with him and the pain wouldn’t fade.
What I reminded her was that social media didn’t necessarily present the truth of someone’s life and that the information that she saw wasn’t necessarily real. If she could let go of her obsession and not need to know everything about his life, she would be able to move on.
Unfortunately, he started calling her and she started talking to him. They never got back together but they talked with each other regularly, stoking her hopes that they could reunite. A year later, she was still attached to him and in pain.
So, if there is one thing that you take away from this article it’s the importance of not being in contact with your ex – it will only extend the hurt and prevent you from moving on.
2. You will not seek closure.
If there is one thing that I don’t believe in it is closure.
I believe that closure is just one more excuse to see your partner again and to try to convince them not to break up with you. When people seek closure it rarely works out the way they want it to and, if it does, the relationship usually ends again somewhere down the line.
If your partner breaks up with you, accept it, and move on. They may or may not have told you reasons that satisfy your need to understand why but the reality is is that they no longer want to be with you, for whatever reason.
So, don’t seek closure. Go no contact on day one and you will heal quicker that way.
3. You will not play the victim.
For many years, after my ex-husband and I divorced, I played the victim.
I told people that he left me for another person, that he walked away from me and destroyed our family. Woe is me. I was the good guy and he was the bad guy. Please pity me.