4. Is the start and end clear?
What signals the start of the meal? Is it a specific start time or someone telling the family it’s time for dinner? When does the ritual end? Is this when everyone has finished eating? Does everyone help out with the dishes?
If you struggle to find time for a romantic or family dinner each night, think of opportunities during morning and weekend meals, such as a regular Sunday brunch. Maybe on certain nights you can go out to eat, creating a ritual such as Taco Tuesdays.
Waking and Sleeping Together
Couples with mismatched sleeping styles, as in the case of an early bird paired with a night owl, can experience instability in the relationship. This can lead to more conflict, less time for shared activities, less sex, and less connecting conversation.
Tatkin believes that it’s healthy for partners, even those with different sleep styles, to discover ways to begin and end their days together with rituals.
Read The Ten Fundamental Rules of Love
Here are some ways to stay in sync:
The Morning:
- Get up early and share coffee, or go back to bed after a 15-minute conversation
- Cuddle for a few minutes before starting the day
- Tell each other one thing you appreciate about each other
- Cook breakfast together
The Evening:
- Pillow Gazing: Look into each other’s eyes and focus on softening the gaze for a few minutes before falling asleep
- Have some calming tea and talk while in bed
- Read to each other
- Express gratitude for your partner
Leaving for the Day and Reuniting at Night:
Home is wherever the relationship is, and how couples part and reunite influences their energy, self-esteem, and emotional connection.
When you or your partner leave for the day, do you embrace each other? Do you kiss? When you reunite, do you hug and tell your partner you missed them?
This study of 30 couples found that the men who returned home later in the day received no acknowledgment from their distracted family members. Being greeted in a loving way is a fantastic start to an evening at home. Here are some ideas:
Leaving:
- A six-second kiss. Dr. Gottman who has observed thousands of couples for 40 years calls this kiss a “kiss with potential.”
- A nice full hug that embraces both partners (not a one-arm type hug)
- Asking your partner what are they most excited about today? Or what are they worried about today? Dr. Gottman calls this building a map of your partner’s daily life.
Reuniting:
- Tatkin suggests a “Welcome Home routine.” Greet your partner and give them a long hug and kiss.
- Hugging to relax: Dr. Schnarch, a renowned Couples Therapist, encourages partners to hold each other until they relax. This physical connection can help reduce stress and reconnect the couple. My partner and I often embrace for at least 30 seconds when the last partner gets home.
Read 6 Smart Hacks How to Keep Long-Term Relationships Exciting And Fresh
Talking Daily
When a relationship is new, falling in love requires lots of one-on-one talking about the good and stressful parts of the couple’s day and what is meaningful to each of them.
According to Dr. Doughty, the author of The Intentional Family, “Few dating couples would get married if they had as little focused conversation as most married couples do.”
Read At What Age Will You Find Your One True Love? Quiz
Dr. Gottman’s research highlights that after couple’s therapy, the couples who have a daily stress-reducing conversation are less likely to relapse than couples who don’t talk daily.
Intentionally talking with each other one-on-one, even for just 15 minutes, can be good enough for busy couples. Focus on discussing how your daily events made you feel, rather than just talking about the facts of the events that occurred.
