Are You Ignoring Your Marriage Because You Are Too Busy Parenting?

 / 

,
Are You Ignoring Your Marriage

A parenting question I responded to recently gets asked frequently. We’ve all been there: so busy devoting time to giving our best for our children that there is little left to give to our marriage. If you have children, the mother’s dilemma will probably sound familiar.

The solution is simple. But with all the pressures put on parents today to be involved in nearly all aspects of their children’s lives, it can be an exercise in battling guilt to actually put the solution into practice. Give it a read and let me know if this is a solution that has worked for you.

Question: My husband and I seldom have time to go on a date because our children (ages 8, 11, and 12) require most of our attention when we are not at work. Between keeping up the house, and taking our children to soccer practice, music lessons, and school functions, weโ€™re left exhausted and without much free time. What can we do?

You clearly are very devoted parents who want the best for your children. Unfortunately, the approach you have taken is not only exhausting, but it also robs your children of some important experiences they need. When parents focus on their children to the exclusion of the marital relationship, they communicate that the children are the center of the world.

Yes, I know, you want to tell me that they are in fact the most important thing in the world to you. I understand, but letโ€™s make a distinction between them as the most important thing in your life versus being the center of the world (which is what your failure to make time for your marriage communicates).

Related: Parenting Burnout: How It Can Destroy Your Marriage

Is that a healthy perspective for them to develop? If your child believes him/herself to be the center of the world what impact will that have on their peer relationships (most peers will view them as selfish)?

Will teachers respond well to that view if your children express it through their behavior at school? As young adults will their employers smile approvingly when they assert their central place of importance?

Iโ€™m going to assume you answered โ€œNoโ€ to each of those questions.

Here is something that I have found very helpful to remember when raising my children. The job of a parent is to raise children who become healthy, productive adults who โ€œplay well with others.โ€ This is a great gift to give to a child. Feeling loved, valued, and recognizing that he, or she, is not the center of the universe. This gives them confidence and a healthy perspective.

If you are still unconvinced, take a moment to think about how many adults you have admired who believe themselves to be the center of the world? Not many, right?

More precisely, zero, zilch, none.

So why would anyone want to raise a child with the burden of believing the world should revolve around him/her? Of course, no parent wants to do that, but it is easy to fall into the trap of conveying that message by shortchanging your marriage relationship.

Please donโ€™t misunderstand. Sacrificing for your child is a good thing. Even a noble thing. But it needs to be done with due consideration for balancing other things of importance. Such as the health of your marriage.

Related: 10 Simple Things That Will Strengthen Your Marriage

Conclusion

Children need to understand that they are deeply loved, that they are supported, and that their parents believe in them. They should not, however, grow up believing they are the center of the world. That saddles them with liability.

To help your children develop a healthy perspective about their place in life you and your husband need to change your approach to parenting. How so you ask? Quite simply, it is by putting your marriage first and your childrenโ€™s affairs second. NOT your childrenโ€™s well-being second, but your childrenโ€™s affairs (such as soccer, music lessons, help with homework, etc.).

This will mean that your children will not be involved in as many activities. Moreover, your children, even at this young age, will be doing more chores around the house (mom and dad are not the hired help, everyone needs to pitch in).

Starting now, as in โ€œright awayโ€, you and your husband should carve out a weekly date night. Also, make sure that on most evenings of the week you and your husband have some โ€˜grown upโ€™ time: 30 minutes or more just to yourselves. Sure, the children can be around, but they are not to interrupt your conversation.

If you take this advice and follow it for even a short time, the exhaustion will lessen dramatically, and your children will be comforted and strengthened by the devotion they see their parents expressing to one another.

Related: 10 Speedy Ways To Connect With Your Spouse When You Donโ€™t Have A Lot Of Time

Let me know how things work out.


Written By Forrest Talley
Originally Appeared On Forrest Talley
Are You Ignoring Your Marriage pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

What Is Emotional Incest:ย Understanding The Hidden Dynamics and Its Impact On Relationships

What Is Emotional Incest? Signs And How To Heal

Do you know what is emotional incest? It may sound like a strange term, but it refers to a type of relationship dynamic that can have profound effects on individuals involved. 

How often have we heard someone say, “I am my motherโ€™s confidante” or “My dad and I share everything”? While these statements may sound harmless, even commendable, they can sometimes point to a lesser-known and misunderstood psychological phenomenon – emotional incest or emotional incest syndrome.

Let’s  explore this often overlooked aspect of human relationships and find out the signs of emotional incest, effects of emotional incest and if healing from emotional incest is possible.

What is Emotional Incest?



Up Next

When Healthy Obsession Goes Too Far: Navigating ‘Almond Mom’ Traits

What Is An Almond Mom? Three Toxic Signs Of Having One

There is a TikTok buzz around “almond moms”? Is it really just about diet culture, or is there more to it? Let’s dive into the complexities behind these parents’ restrictive attitudes.

What Is An Almond Mom?

If you’re wondering , “What is an Almond Mom?”, well she’s not a nut, just a mom influenced by diet culture with restrictive eating habits. She’s all about healthy eating and body image, both for themselves and their daughters.



Up Next

Unpacking Parentification Trauma: The Burden of Growing Up Too Soon

What Is Parentification Trauma? Seven Types, Effects and Healing

The excitement of childhood is beautiful, when your biggest worry was whether your favorite cartoon was on TV. Some kids don’t have a childhood as carefree. Parentification trauma becomes a real issue when a child is thrust into the shoes of a grown-up.

The child takes on responsibilities beyond their years. It’s like playing a role in a movie you didn’t audition for. This is the reality for those who’ve experienced the issue โ€“ a lesser-known yet impactful challenge that shapes lives in unexpected ways.

What is Parentification Trauma?

It might be your question, though–what is parentification trauma? The trauma occurs when a child is placed in a role that reverses their expected position within the family dynamic.



Up Next

How Does Childhood Trauma Affect Relationships? Shattered Innocence, Fragile Bonds

How Does Childhood Trauma Affect Relationships?

“For people with a trauma history, fear can be mistaken for excitement in intimate relationships. Unfortunately, a state of high anxiety can become the glue that binds people together in unhealthy relationship bonds.” ~ Glynis Sherwood, MEd

How Does Childhood Trauma Affect Relationships?

All humans are born with an innate psychological and biological need to receive consistent nurturing from parents. In this sense, strong attachment bonds are fundamental to the experience of being human and the survival of our species. As we are wired for closeness, our parental figures provide our first experiences of these crucial relationship ties.



Up Next

Guide For Long Distance Parenting: 5 Fun Activities To Strengthen Your Bond With Kids

Guide For Long Distance Parenting: Five Fun Activities and Tips

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s not uncommon for parents to find themselves physically separated from their kids due to work, studies, or other life demands. Yep, we’re talking about long distance parenting โ€“ a scenario that comes with its own set of twists and turns.

You see, while it might be necessary due to different reasons, it brings along a bag of unique challenges for both parents and their little ones. So, let’s dive into this article and unpack what happens when distance plays a role in parenting.

We’re talking about how it can affect your kids emotionally, how their cognitive development might



Up Next

How To Know You Have A Narcissistic Mother Wound

Narcissistic Mother Wound: Knowing Signs And Six Ways To Deal

Having a narcissistic mother is probably one of the most painful and heart-breaking experiences you can go through. Having and dealing with a narcissistic mother wound is not an easy journey to be on, but at some point, you do need to learn how to deal with it. Let’s find out more about how narcissistic mothers behave and how to deal with a narcissistic mother wound. 

When Christina Crawford wrote about her abusive mother, Joan, in Mommie Dearest, several celebrities came out in defence of the actress.

Narcissistic mothers are good at presenting an image to the public that directly contradicts their behaviour behind close



Up Next

9 Ways To Thrive Financially As A Single Mom

Nine Ways To Thrive Financially As A Single Mom

Do you want to thrive financially as a single mom, but are at your wit’s end thinking about how to do that? This article is going to explore some of the best and effective ways of thriving financially as a single mom. Read on to know some of the best tips for thriving financially as a single mom. 

One of the biggest fears around getting divorced as a single mom is learning how to thrive financially. I was so scared about how to figure out how to provide for myself and my daughter on one income.

Downgrading my lifestyle was not something I wanted to do and I became very angry that I was being โ€œforcedโ€ to do that. (I emphasized โ€œforcedโ€ because it was my