Breaking Free From The Toxic Web: 9 Steps For Dealing With A Narcissist In Your Life

Written By:

Written By:

Breaking Free From The Toxic Web 1

Dealing with a narcissist who emotionally drains you? It’s time to break free from their toxic web and take back control. Learn the 9 steps to protect yourself.

Narcissists are antagonistic and selfish and can be abusive. Dealing with a narcissist is challenging. Whether the relationship is with a parent, sibling, or lover, love may feel out of reach.

Do you feel emotionally abandoned or abused, vacillate between hope and pain, love and resentment, and staying or cutting off contact?

Living together breeds hurt, resentment, and anxiety as you grow accustomed to self-sacrifice and emotional abuse, or even physical abuse. Loving someone who alternates between care and abuse or is unable to show love is confusing, heart-wrenching, and addictive.

Loved ones often feel hurt and frustrated by the disregard for their feelings and needs. Constant conflict, rejection, control, and criticism undermined their self-worth. Many people feel betrayed by the loving person they once knew who disappeared over time.

Some partners give up their studies, careers, hobbies, family ties, or friends and sink further into despair.

Leaving the relationship isn’t an option for everyone. Some partners lack the courage, but many don’t hesitate to say they love the narcissist and prefer to stay, if only they were more appreciated and respected.

For other people, their priorities are parenting, financial concerns, co-parenting with an ex, or maintaining family ties. Whatever the choice, rebalancing the power in the relationship facilitates either option and restores mental and physical health.

Dealing with a narcissist the right way

Here are the steps for dealing with a narcissist elaborated in my book, Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships:

How To Manage A Narcissist? 9 Tips For Dealing With A Narcissist In Your Life

1. Learn all you can about narcissism.

 It’s necessary to be aware of whom you’re dealing with. That includes not only the diagnostic criteria, it also entails being able to identify even subtle forms of abusive behavior.

In addition, it’s essential to comprehend the narcissist’s motives, what makes them tick, and why. Getting this at a deep level is important for reasons you may not initially realize. It will help you come out of denial, detach, not react, confront abuse, and leave if you so choose.

Read 10 Manipulative Strategies Used By Narcissists To Dominate You

2. Have realistic expectations.

This naturally follows when you really understand the narcissist. Once you no longer have illusions about someone, your expectations can be more realistic. For example, you wouldn’t expect a blind person to compliment your new colorful outfit, nor resent them for not doing so.

The bar for your anger and hurt feelings is raised. Similarly, you wouldn’t complain that “I do so much for him/her, but it’s never reciprocated.”

3. Detach, don’t react, and avoid conflict.

With greater knowledge and realistic expectations, you won’t react nor take the abuser’s behavior personally.

You avoid fruitless conflict that drains you and empowers them. This prepares you to accept the reality of your situation. It does NOT mean that you have to accept abuse, but only that you can expect abuse if you don’t take action to stop or avoid it.

4. Identify and confront abuse.

Now you’re empowered to take effective action. First, you must be able to identify all forms of even subtle abuse, including the most difficult — gaslighting and manipulation.

You must learn the right and wrong ways to confront abuse in order to avoid, to the extent possible, arguments.

5. Set boundaries

It’s essential to set boundaries with an abuser to protect yourself. There is an art to doing this effectively, and it may require you to invoke consequences. Remember that boundaries are for you and are not meant to punish someone else. They often state what YOU will do.

Read 6 Tactics Manipulators Use To Control And Confuse You

6. Use systematic transactional communication.

This is a method of setting boundaries and asking for your needs with someone who is highly defensive, like an abuser or narcissist. It is different from the way you might talk to someone else who doesn’t have a drug addiction or personality disorder.

The goal is to communicate without eliciting the usual defensive behavior. It is explained with specific steps, examples, and scripts in my book.

7. Enjoy hobbies and your own activities.

As part of taking back your power and rebalancing the dynamics in the relationship, you need to focus more on yourself and become autonomous. Your thinking and emotional well-being cannot revolve around another person. This is codependency.

As does setting boundaries, this also raises your mood and self-esteem. It gives you power rather than feeling like a powerless victim. Having your own activities is necessary even in an amiable relationship.

8. Have a support system.

In all intimate relationships, it’s wise to maintain your friendships. No relationship provides all your needs, and expecting it to do so will lead to disappointment.

Courage will be necessary to take these steps and set boundaries when you haven’t done so in the past. They won’t be welcomed by an abuser. Especially with a narcissist, you’ll need a support system that will help comfort and encourage you.

9. Practice self-love and self-care.

Loving an abuser damages your self-esteem and undermines your confidence. It’s traumatic. Healing and finding your strength requires that you improve your relationship with yourself and start taking care of yourself.

This means not only diet and exercise, but to learn to comfort and nurture yourself. You’ve been looking for love. Start giving it to yourself. Listen to my Self-Love Meditation.

Follow these steps, do the exercises, use the scripts, and employ the guidelines and plan in my book, and you will reclaim yourself and improve your relationship, whether or not your loved one has a narcissistic personality disorder.

In sum, you will have practical plans to implement that better your relationship with yourself and your loved one, and you’ll be able to determine whether and how to leave the relationship.

See also my webinars on How to Raise Your Self-Esteem and How to Be Assertive.

© 2023 Darlene Lancer

Related: Why The Narcissist Targets You: 5 Reasons

Dealing with a narcissist can be a challenging and draining experience, but it’s essential to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Remember that you have the power to set boundaries and take control of your life.


Written By: Darlene Lancer
Originally Appeared On: What Is Codependency
dealing with a narcissist

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

8 Subtle Signs You’re Dealing with a Covert Narcissist (And How to Handle Them!)

Subtle Signs of a Covert Narcissist You Need to Know to Save Yourself

You may know how to spot a narcissist, but identifying a covert narcissist can be tricky. Here are some signs of a covert narcissist that you need to look out for!

At first glance, they might seem like the perfect friend or colleague, always willing to help and never asking for much in return. But as you spend more time around them, something starts to feel off. They subtly fish for compliments, often downplay their own achievements, but expect recognition in return.

And when they don’t get the praise they think they deserve, they may act hurt or withdraw but without openly saying it. Well, this person has the signs of a covert narcissist!

Up Next

6 Phases Of A Relationship With A Narcissist: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Relationship With A Narcissist Phases Of The Toxic Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with each phase presenting new challenges and realizations. These phases of a narcissistic relationship leave you questioning your self-worth. Understanding these stages can help you navigate the ups and downs of a narcissistic relationship more effectively.

KEY POINTS

Narcissists may manipulate through observation and charm, creating a false sense of bonding.

These relationships have distinct phases, often involving a gradual, potentially traumatizing end.

Understanding these phases aids in healing and setting boundaries.

Up Next

8 Signs of a Petty Person That’ll Have You Saying, “Wait, Really?”

Signs of Petty Person Thatll Have You Saying Wait Really

Do you ever get that feeling that you are the lead actor in a soap opera you didn’t sign up for? Do you think you are dealing with someone who is petty, by any chance?The signs of a petty person aren’t always neon-lit, but once you spot them, you’ll wonder how you missed it.

From holding grudges longer than your Netflix subscription to being the Sherlock Holmes of social media stalking, petty people have a unique way of spicing up life (not always in a good way).

So how do you know you’re dealing with petty people? Let’s break it down and start with trying to understand who is a petty person.

Related:

Up Next

10 Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

So, who exactly is a “vindictive mother”? Well, it’s not just a mom who’s a little cranky or gives you the cold shoulder once in a while. We’re talking about those mothers who holds grudges, plays mind games, and never hesitates to make your life harder. Why? Because she can.

A vindictive mother is a malicious mother, who isn’t your regular parent—she is controlling, manipulative, and, at times, straight out cruel.

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her? If you answered yes, then chances are you have vindictive narcissist mother. So today we are going to explore what the signs of a toxic mum are and what you can do to handle her.

Related:

Up Next

Feeling Exhausted? 8 Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Have you ever hung out with someone and have left feeling like you just ran a 5k marathon without moving an inch? If you’re nodding along, this is just one of the many signs of an emotionally draining person.

These energy vampires are really talented when it comes to mentally exhausting you, even though you didn’t do anything but have a simple conversation.

Have there been times where you have felt completely wiped after a chat or hangout? Then maybe it’s time to figure out if you’re dealing with an emotionally draining person.

Today, we are going to talk about what is an emotionally draining person, the traits of an emotionally draining person and how to deal with an emotionally draining person.

Let’s start with what is an emotionally draining

Up Next

What Is Narcissistic Injury? 8 Signs And How To Dodge The Drama

What Is Narcissistic Injury? Signs And How To Dodge The Drama

What is a narcissistic injury really? You know that person who flips out over the smallest critique, like you just insulted their entire life? Or maybe they go into full passive-aggressive mode because you dared to disagree with them? Yeah, you might’ve walked right into a narcissistic minefield. 

When you cause a narcissistic wound, it can feel like navigating a relationship booby trap—one wrong move, and boom! Drama explosion.

But what is really going on here? Why do some people react like their world is ending over a tiny comment?

Let’s dig into the wild world of a narcissistic injury, what causes narcissistic injury, the signs of narcissistic injury and some good old examples of narcissistic injury.  

Let’s start with what is

Up Next

Inside Vulnerable Narcissism: Exploring Traits, Patterns, and Relationship Struggles

Vulnerable Narcissism: Traits, Patterns, and Mental Health

Have you ever been on the other side of vulnerable narcissism? What even is that, and what does it entail? Today we are going to do a deep dive into this world of narcissism and find out what it means to have a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist.

In the world of psychology, the idea of narcissism has caught the attention of experts and therapists. When you hear the word “narcissist,” you might imagine someone who thinks highly of themselves.

But not all narcissism is the same; there are different types. One kind is called vulnerable narcissism. This means feeling insecure and sensitive and thinking you’re better than others.

Related: