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Are You Letting Your Children Manipulate You?

Children learn very early how to manipulate a parent that is overly concerned with being loved by the child.

Are You Letting Your Children Manipulate You?

Rachael is the young mother of Nathan, who just turned two. Rachael is a stay-at-home mother who works part-time at home and has the help of a housekeeper five days a week. Rachael consulted with me because of her problems with Nathan.

 

“When Nathan is with David (her husband), he’s fine. He adores David and listens well to him. When he’s with Amalia (her housekeeper), he’s fine. He loves her and plays calmly with her. But when he’s with me, he’s impossible. He throws temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. He goes to sleep easily at night for David but not for me. I want so much to be a good mother and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong. I never get angry with him but sometimes I feel like throwing him across the room! I need help!”

 

“Rachael, when you are with Nathan, what do you think is more important to you – to get him to love you, or to be loving to yourself?”

 

Rachael replied instantly. “To get him to love me. I never think about loving myself. I just want him to love me. If he loves me, then I know that I’m a good mother.”

 

“And what does it say about you if you are a good mother?”

“It means that I’m okay.”

“So you have handed to Nathan the job of defining your worth. He has to love you for you to be okay. What do you think is most important to David?”

 

“Oh, David takes good care of himself. He really doesn’t seem concerned about whether or not Nathan loves him. He’s very loving to Nathan, but if David wants to eat dinner when Nathan wants to play with him, he just eats dinner and Nathan seems to accept it. If I want to have my breakfast when Nathan wants to play, Nathan has a tantrum.”

 

“Rachael, Nathan has learned that he can manipulate you because you are so concerned with how he feels about you. As long as his loving you is more important to you than taking loving care of yourself, he will be able to manipulate you. This is not good for him or for you. It is too big a burden on him to have the responsibility of defining your worth. As long as your worth is attached to being a good mother, Nathan will be able to manipulate you.”

 

“I can see that. Amalia is like David. If she has work to do, she just expects Nathan to play by himself, and he does. She loves him, but she is firm about what she needs to do. I can see that I give in all the time because I don’t want him to be upset with me. What can I do now to change this?”

What do you think?

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Written by Dr. Margaret Paul

CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.Dr. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world on the phone and on Skype. She is able to access her own and her client's spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public.Margaret Paul, PhDFor information or to schedule a phone or Skype session: 310-459-1700 : 888-646-6372 (888-6INNERBOND)Anxious, Depressed, Addicted, Empty, Relationship struggles, Inner Bonding - The Power To Heal Yourself! http://www.innerbonding.com

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