The ONE Reason Why A Guy Ever Lets a Good Woman Go

 / 

This may sound harsh, but it’s best to just accept the truth.

I’m going to tell you something that might be hard to hear and even harder to accept. This is not your conventional break-up advice. I’m not going to tell you how to get your ex back.

Instead, I’m going to tell you that you shouldn’t bother wasting your time and energy on trying to get him back.

 

Because the truth is, if he let you go, he simply did not love you.

We need to stop confusing love with passion. We think that having a kind of “animal magnetism” with someone equates to love, maybe even to being soulmates.

As women, we are pre-dispositioned to connect those behaviors with love rather than lust. Lust is for one-night stands, not for the boyfriend who can’t stand to be away from you for more than a day and who can’t keep his hands off of you when he sees you, right?

Wrong.

 

I fell wickedly, insanely, and irrevocably head-over-heels in love with my ex-boyfriend (we’ll call him… Dick).

When Dick broke up with me, I broke down. I became the crazy ex-girlfriend that I always thought I was incapable of being.

That is not who I am. I am the strong, independent type. Yet, there I was, acting like a foolish girl, hanging on his every text and making myself available in every possible way. Doing things for him when no one else would and still allowing him to treat me like complete and utter garbage.

I tried my damnedest to move on. Then either he would contact me or I’d contact him and we’d go through a spurt of a few weeks where we’d get along great. Then there would be an epic blowout where he would inevitably bring up old drama and we’d stop talking for a few weeks. Rinse, lather, repeat.

This continued for longer than I care to admit, until one day he just disappeared after claiming to forgive me and understand why I did some of the idiotic things I did post-breakup.

 

We were talking regularly again, and he just disappeared without a word.

Turns out he even moved, apparently. When I finally did reach out, he stopped responding to my texts at all.

Looking back, I’m grateful for the last bit. That is when I realized my mistake. Dick was never in love with me. Sure, he told me he was and maybe he even believed that himself, but you don’t just bail on someone you really love. You stick around and try to work your problems out. You don’t put someone you love in a position to become the crazy, obsessive ex-girlfriend. If he ever really felt any type of love for me, he wouldn’t have put me through that. We would have worked things out like mature adults.

The reason he gave for breaking up with me was lame as hell and I’m not going to get into all of it.

 

The point is, Dick left because he didn’t love me.

Had he just admitted that I would have given up trying to get him back a long time before I did and we could have avoided all the unnecessary drama and dragging of each other through the mud. That’s all I really needed to know.

As long as I thought that he had feelings of love for me, I thought that things could be fixed. Maybe if I just tried harder, things could go back to the way they were. We could be happy.

Once I knew that he didn’t love me, I no longer wanted to be with him.

This is what you need to understand.

 

That ex-boyfriend who broke things off with you isn’t just “going through some stuff right now.” He didn’t love you.

Repeat after me: He didn’t love me.

Let that be your mantra.

People don’t destroy what they love. I know it hurts to acknowledge that. It isn’t easy to accept.

It also doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, or with him for that matter. It just means that you are not right for each other. No matter how right it felt, if there’s no love, there’s nothing to fight for. Move on and find someone who does love you or get yourself a puppy. Trust me, a puppy will love you more than any man could ever try to.

 

The problem is that we confuse love with passion.

And believe me, I get it. I have never felt the way I felt with Dick with anyone else. The way he always kissed me like he was hungry for it, like it was the last time we were ever going to see each other. The way he rested his forehead on mine in between kisses. The way he couldn’t keep his hands off me. The way he said my name in bed.

He made me feel special — like I was the only girl in the world for him. Like he needed me with every fiber of his being.

That’s why I became so wickedly obsessed. I was confusing his sense of passion with feelings of love.

I thought it was just for me, that his feelings for me brought that out in him. The truth is, he probably kisses every girl like that. It’s just who he is. He’s a passionate kisser. He is a passionate guy. Unfortunately, that passion just never sparked any love that burned for me the way I wanted. That is a reality I now understand and this clarity has helped me move on from the entire mess.

Many of us have this romantic notion that we are supposed to have this crazy, magnetic attraction for the person who we are meant to be with. That love without passion is not real love, it’s not a “soul connection.”

The fact is, real love may be boring at times, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

Don’t spend your time trying to mend a broken relationship with an ex who cared so little about you that they left you crying and broken. Don’t suffer a fool just because you fear you will never find that connection again.

Instead, spend your time accepting that you might not and that if you don’t, that’s ok. You will be just fine without it. You can be happy without that. I promise.

 

But you absolutely will never be happy if you’re being consumed by “what might have been” and worrying about what you could have done differently.

The answer is simple. You could not have done anything differently and it would have never been. Because he did not love you.

I cannot say that enough.

 

If he loved you, he would still be with you. He would not have walked away.

I’m sharing this in the hope it will prevent someone else from becoming the crazy ex-girlfriend and putting herself through months or even years of psychological torment. I hope you will do better for yourself. If he breaks up with you, accept the finality. If he texts you and wants to see you, do not respond to his texts. Do not engage him.

And for the love of all that is holy, do not text him, do not go to his apartment, do not look him up on Facebook, and do not, under any circumstances, cyber stalk him and/or the new girl he’s dating.

Find another way or another person to fill your time with.

You will thank me (and yourself) for it later.


Written by Carrie Budd

Originally appeared on Yourtango

You may also like

Why Women Leave Men They Love: What Every Man Needs to Know

9 Reasons She’s Going To Leave You For Another Man

You Don’t Deserve Someone Who Comes Back, You Deserve Someone Who Never Leaves

18 Things You Need To Remember after a relationship ends and you are hurting

I’m The Girl Who Will Build You Up Just To Watch You Leave

I Hope You Fall In Love With Someone Who Feels Like Home

The Most Painful Thing About Heartbreak Is Losing Yourself

How To Find Yourself When You are Feeling Lost

The ONE Reason Why A Guy Ever Lets a Good Woman Go

 

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, but these languages aren’t designed for neurodiverse individuals – who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones don’t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, let’s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, it’s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why She’s the Best Girlfriend You’ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When you’re dating a tomboy, you’re in for a relationship that’s refreshingly different. She’s someone who’s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If you’re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision you’ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

How Playfulness Can Transform Your Love Life

How Playfulness In A Relationship Can Transform Your Love Life

Is your relationship feeling stale or distant? Wondering how to reignite the spark? Discover how bringing playfulness into your love life can create deeper connections and renewed passion.

Looking to revive a dying flame? Try the power of play.

Key points

The four types of relationship playfulness are other-directed, intellectual, whimsical, and lightheartedness.

Other-directed and intellectual are the most highly predictive of relationship satisfaction.

All types of playfulness are related to at least some facet of relationship well-being.

Up Next

7 Types Of Intimacy To Deepen Your Relationship

Ever wondered how to deepen your bond with your partner? Learning these 7 different types of intimacy in a relationship that can bring you closer in meaningful ways. Try it out now!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Intimacy is important, but how do we cultivate it?

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesn’t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So here’s pebbling love language – inspired by penguins. Let’s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTok’s ‘Meeting Someone Twice Theory’ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory – is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So let’s learn how the universe