5 Things That Are Self Care And 5 Things That Are Not

Most of us grew up learning to compromise our needs and surrender to those of others, ultimately succumbing to neglecting our self care.

Lavish holidays. Fine perfumes. Bubble baths. Luxuriant chocolates.

Even though it took me aback later as I thought about it, the first mention of โ€œself careโ€ had riddled my mind with all kinds of images.

I still donโ€™t know what it was that got me confused between โ€œself careโ€ and โ€œself-indulgenceโ€. I like to believe that there is a collective impression that the two are one and the same. And itโ€™s also not difficult to understand where that thinking pattern might stem from.

Most of us in most cultures grew up believing in โ€œgoodโ€ and โ€œbadโ€, โ€œsinโ€ and โ€œphilanthropyโ€ etc. and a lot of our early learning can easily get biased towards maintaining relationships and over-extending ourselves. Which if you look at the deeper cause, is survival in nature.

Nevertheless, self care and self-indulgence are different.

While the latter can often fall under the category of โ€œprivilegeโ€, the former belongs under โ€œnecessaryโ€.

As many definitions intend to define, โ€œself careโ€ is a way to put our well-being and health at the forefront of things and how do you do it.

โ€œSelf-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.โ€ โ€“ Christopher Germer

Related: 10 Reasons Why You Should Invest On Your Self Development (And How?)

The very first thing is to become acutely aware of what self care is, and what it isnโ€™t.

5 Things That Are Not Self Care

1. It is not: Taking yourself for granted.

Just the other day, I went on a call with an old friend, and the whole call came to be about how many things they need to finish in the coming week and how they are awfully tired to think about it all, but how theyโ€™ll anyway manage to do it.

Five minutes into the conversation my alarm bells began ringing, because I know this state of constant doing โ€“ Iโ€™ve been there.

Let me tell you right away that this is as far from self care as you can imagine. To think โ€œIโ€™ll do it anywayโ€ is another way of saying โ€œIโ€™m going to take myself for granted, not heeding my mind, body, and soulโ€. In my experience, multiple cycles of โ€œdoingโ€ mode would invariably flatten me out and push me into โ€œbeingโ€, as some health issue or other would descend on me.

2. It is not: Positive psychology at the cost of real feelings.

It would be fair to say that this pointer that Iโ€™m discussing right now has landed me into more conversation scrapes than I can remember.

To be honest, we do live at a time of greater mental awareness and perhaps greater spiritual seeking, but to imbibe a spirit where you just speak good and feel good, seems to be far-fetched.

Think how you feel as you engage with your inner and outer worlds every single day, moving through challenges and living life the way it comes to you. Do you see how you can look at everything positively? You get hurt by a careless remark by a friend, but you smile on.

You feel insanely pressured at work, but you carry on and donโ€™t express it in any way. in reality, the first instance makes you โ€œsadโ€ and the latter โ€œoverwhelmedโ€.

And when you donโ€™t heed that, itโ€™s certainly not self care.

Self-care

3. It is not: Putting on a โ€œhappy maskโ€™ no matter what.

Whenย I first met JH a decade ago,ย I was taken in by their constant charm and ability to make the whole room seem warm and friendly. Five years down the line, JH was gone, having succumbed to a massive heart attack. When I later met one of their cousins, that person had only one thing to say, โ€œJโ€™s mask got him.โ€

It was a powerful remark because what he was really trying to say is that embodying a mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual upbeat state, without necessarily feeling any of it, can be a hell of a stressful thing.

Iโ€™m inclined to believe that a โ€œhappy maskโ€ need not always come with positive psychology attached to it. It reminds me of a friendโ€™s friend who once had coolly declared how they choose to show a brave face even if they know they are falling apart inside.

Related: The Power Of Self-Talk

4. It is not: Putting others before yourself.

A very animal side in us teaches us when we are young, that we have to do all we can to survive.

This subtext of course is unconscious and includes the information, and rightly so, that we have to maintain relationships in order to be safe and content. Millions of years of conditioning and wisdom ensure that we heed our social and emotional connections the way we do.

Problems occur when we are not able to tell where to draw the line and put our own needs before othersโ€™ needs and opinions.

While it is true that there will be circumstances where putting others first will seem natural and necessary, self care is knowing when to say no, when to listen to your instincts and when to peel yourself away from toxicity.

5. It is not: Splurging on the best of material things.

Retail therapy is a knownย concept by now, around the world. However, in the strictest sense of the term, it might not really fit into the category of self care.

For one, splurging does not address any real issues or challenges that you may be facing in life. And while not denying that a one-off spree can lift your spirits, splurging on material happiness often comes with a host of other problems.

Unhindered ambition around wealth and hoarding in the long run can actually go inย the opposite direction from self care, causing stress and bad health.


5 Things That Are Self-Care

1. It is: Respecting your own boundaries.

If youโ€™ve gone even a bit into the nuances of boundaries, youโ€™ll know how important they are โ€“ to know when your feelings need more acknowledgment, to know when to withdraw from a situation, to accept that you canโ€™t achieve all your goals at the same time, all of it where you bring yourself to pause and really assess what will work for you, all of it is self care.

It could be about changing a toxic workplace for another that values you, declining social interactions when youโ€™re tired or even opting not to enter a romantic relationship until youโ€™re ready.

Related: Discover Your True Authentic Self

2. It is: Acknowledging your feelings, whatever they are.

In a way, this is really the anti-thesis of pop psychology. To fit into a world thatโ€™s competitive and success-oriented, we often pick up cues that we align given any circumstance. This invariably comes with a sense that we mustnโ€™t feel any of the feelings that we know the world frowns upon. Which means we canโ€™t be sad, angry, bitter, or any such thing.

When youโ€™re focusing on self care, youโ€™ll have to come back to the truth that youโ€™ll have feelings and no matter how difficult they seem, there is good reason to heed them. It is anyoneโ€™s guess what long-term pent-up emotions can do. Alternative medicine even has made connections with emotions and auto-immune conditions like cancer.

3. It is: Showing how you feel authentically.

Emotions and feelings are seen the world over with a certain amount of wariness. Some people associate a lack of control with a show of emotions, some arenโ€™t even in touch with how they feel and some are fearful of what might happen if they are to show their feelings.

While recognizing how important self care is, it is absolutely necessary that you look at the world with feelings and also figure how to express it. Safe expression is part of self care, and itโ€™s essential you stay authentic to expression without causing harm to yourself or another.

Self-care isn't just drinking water

4. It is: Tuning into your own well-being.

I remember the time I was steeped in a โ€œdoingโ€ mode. Sleep had become an insistent problem and my overall metabolism had been hugely impacted. That was when I realized I would need to tune into what โ€œfeltโ€ good to me.

I began looking at the basics โ€“ the food I was eating, the yoga I was practicing, the way I was taking rest.

Self care does not mean that these basics fall into place quickly, It simply means an intention to work on the new self-awareness youโ€™re cultivating with every passing day.

Related: How To Heal Yourself By Talking To Your Body

5. It is: Finding out what matters to you.

Even before I got acquainted with the idea of self care, I was told, โ€œDo what makes you happy.โ€ While this is wonderful advice to follow, many times we forget all those things that inspire us to live and go on living anyway.

We forget to play, to write, to dance, we forget to visit those places that made us feel about ourselves. Self care is to get back in touch with all those aspects of yourself that might make you feel alive and well, but you donโ€™t know enough of.

In my own journey, I have seen how self care can change the quality of life. How small changes can bring a sense of wellness and well-being. An awareness of what works for you and what doesnโ€™t can put you further on your path of exploration.


5 Things That Are Self-Care And 5 Things That Are Not
things that are self care and things that are not pin
things that are self care and things that are not pin

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Things People Learn Too Late In Life: 7 Eye-Opening Life Lessons

Things People Learn Too Late in Life Eye Opening Life Lessons

Life is full of unexpected events and sometimes there are things people learn too late. Though some lessons come with age and experience, as time goes by, we often wish we had known some important truths sooner.

These moments of truth can be very shocking as well as transformative, they help us live authentically, appreciate what truly matters, and make the most of our time. Below are seven crucial life lessons people learn too late and can still change the way they approach life.

7 Things People Learn Too Late In

Up Next

Anger and Emotions: What’s Really Setting Us Off?

Anger and Emotion Whats Really Setting Us Off

Ever wonder whatโ€™s really fueling your anger and emotions? Discover how a mindful approach can help you regain inner peace in your life!

Taking a mindful approach to exploring why we are angry.

Key points

Anger is a secondary emotion.

Anger is a warning sign that lets us know there is an issue to address.

Knowing what we are feeling will help us to address the source of our anger.

Anger can hit us when we least expect it. There are some people who get angry and not know what they are angry about. The

Up Next

How I Hacked My Personality: Steps To Be The Better Version Of Myself

How I Hacked My Personality

Can we truly reshape our personalities for lasting change? Discover Dr. Shannon Sauer-Zavala’s article “How I hacked my personality” and learn how small shifts in mindset and behavior can lead to meaningful transformation in your life.

A Personal Perspective: Science-backed strategies for intentional trait change.

Key points

Research suggests that personality changes over time.

We can speed up personality change by taking intentional action.

Changes that are reinforced by the environment are easier to maintain.

Up Next

Women Empowerment: The Rebecca Effect in “Ted Lasso”

Rebecca Effect In Ted Lasso Women Empowerment

Can women turn negative experiences into empowerment? Discover the โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ from Ted Lasso and transform your personal trials into powerful self-acceptance!

Personal Perspective: Empowering women to transform shame and betrayal.

Key points

“Ted Lasso” inspired with imperfect, endearing characters whose trials and transformations mirrored our own.

The โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ is the empowerment and transformation possible when we have been oppressed or shamed.

The “Rebecca Effect” is the process through which women embrace themselves in totality.

Up Next

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

Ever wondered why we shed emotional tears? Tears serve a healing purpose. Explore how it plays an important role for our well-being.

Emotional tears are an expression of our shared humanity.

Emotional tears, expressed by children, teens, and adults, are a universal experience observed across the globe. Emotional tears play a healing role, leading to our emotional and physical well-being. This post explores the value of emotional tears and the importance of presence and support from family and friends during unexpected

Read More Here: โ€œWhy Am I Always On The Verg

Up Next

10 Important Weekly Reflection Questions You Need To Ask Yourself

If you feel stuck and want to keep track of your goals every week, then weekly reflection questions can really help you. Weekly reflection questions can help you check in with yourself and make sure youโ€™re headed in the right direction. These are the questions you need to ask yourself every week to keep growing and moving forward.

Have you ever had a week with so much going on that you end the week feeling overwhelmed and exhausted? I know I have been there. Sometimes, the week goes by so fast that itโ€™s over before I know it, and there is no time left to process it.

A weekly reflection can help evaluate if what you are doing is working. It fosters self-growth. So, pull out that weekly reflection journal and answer the weekly reflection prompts below.

Up Next

Why Is Lying Wrong? Morals Are Not The Only Reason

โ€œI must not tell liesโ€œ, this famous line from Harry Potter is more than just a dialogue. Dolores Umbridge, made Harry Potter cut these words as a permanent mark on the back of his hand. But if asked โ€œWhy is lying wrong?โ€ The answer is always moralistic, which is subjective.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

We have all received punishment