Drop the act.
As men, we play different roles in our life: friend, brother, co-worker, neighbor, etc.
But, some roles take on a toxic life of their own, especially when they cross boundaries into your relationships and into the world of getting the girl.
There are seven roles that guys often (and sometimes unknowingly) adopt those sabotage relationships with the women they love.
In moderation, these roles are like wine — fine and, sometimes, even healthy. But when these roles become a man’s entire persona, the relationship turns into a giant headache of a union that leaves both parties swearing off dating for good.
The trick to being a well-rounded, emotionally available man is to pick and choose the best qualities from each role to fully support the emotional needs of your woman.
1. The Father
Sometimes referred to as ‘Daddy’, the man who fills the Father role offers support, safety, and security, all things that go along with an actual father’s providing nature. A woman finds this attractive because it makes her feel safe and reassured. Sounds healthy? Well, so does apple pie.
In reality, the Father doesn’t see his partner as an equal; he sees her as someone who fills the role of a daughter, as someone he needs to parent. When she is wrong, he scolds her or dominates her, for instance.
What this eventually creates is a dynamic where the woman rebels and does things just to spite her man, because that’s what happens if you treat someone like a child; they start acting like one.
2. The Bad Boy
If every romantic comedy has taught us one thing, it’s that some women always do go for the Bad Boy.
He’s exciting, he’s daring, he’s adventurous, he often comes with a motorcycle (or at least a leather jacket). He’s attractive because he’s not trying to please anyone; he’s simply being who he is, and this type of honesty is something many people seek in a relationship. But the Bad Boy is certainly not all good.
The downside to him is that a woman can never truly trust the Bad Boy. He’s honest, yes, but he’s only true to himself and out for what he wants (in other words, he’s selfish). This means that if he wants to sleep with another girl, or fifty, he’ll have no qualms about doing so.
After all, it’s his way or the highway (and, perhaps, also his way and Chlamydia), and women know this and, for that reason, they only see the Bad Boy as a short-term thrill.
3. The Patsy
The Patsy is the guy who is ideal for bringing home to Mom and Dad for his compassion, understanding, reliability, and moldability; he’ll sacrifice himself to make sure he wins the approval of others.
To put it simply, he looks great on paper … but, like paper, he’s flat and one-dimensional and that’s why a relationship with him becomes something women eventually want to shred.
The Patsy is impossible to date long-term because a woman feels trapped by him. Since he’s the opposite of an asshole, she’d be an asshole for dumping him. Yet, his emotional dishonestly makes it hard to trust him.
He’s so intent on pleasing everyone that he never says how he feels or what he truly thinks, and that makes him too much of a wildcard to invest in emotionally.
And it ultimately turns the Patsy into the nice guy who always finishes last, Mr. Friend Zone, Mr. Unlucky in Love, and Mr. Perpetual Hand Cramp.
4. The Knight in Shining Armor
Nearly every female Disney character has ridden off with her hero — the man who swoops in to save the day. Charm, romance, confidence — it’s all a turn on. But there’s a reason we don’t see what happens to these characters after the credits start rolling.
When a woman relies fully on her man (or anyone, for that matter), she becomes co-dependent. By expecting someone to save her again and again and again, she fails to develop the necessary skills to save herself.