If he encourages you to drink more than you normally would on a date, push back. Drink slowly, drink lots of water, and don’t leave your drink unattended (better safe than sorry).
If everything adds up to it seeming like this guy isn’t all that interested in you with your clothes on, move on. You won’t change his mind once you’ve slept with him, and you’ll likely regret taking it that far if you’re looking for Mr. Right.
2. Lust Gave Him Blinders
Maybe this guy had every intention of becoming your boyfriend. He thought he was falling for you in the early days…then you had sex.
Now he’s internally freaking out because he realizes he barely knows you. Or that you have nothing in common.
That was great Jen…uh, Jamie…uh, Jessica?
Sometimes we can be blinded by lust and think we know people better than we really do early on. There’s a sort of glamor shot haze that we see people through (aka rose colored glasses), but as we get to know them, we might realize we have nothing in common.
So while it might seem like he might pull away after intimacy, it may be that he’s seeing (before you) that this has no future.
It’s easy to get really excited about this incredible physical chemistry between the two of you. The buildup to the first time you have sex can be mind-blowing (sometimes more than the sex; see #3).
But once the dust clears, he (and you) may realize that you really don’t know each other all that well, and maybe having sex too soon stunted the potential to grow together. Or else you realize that you aren’t all that aligned and that a relationship ain’t gonna happen.
In this case, my best advice to you is to take things slow from the start. Yes, you may be hungry like a wolf for him, but waiting will only make it that much sweeter when you do have sex. If you take the time to get to know each other first, you’ll be assured that being intimate will only enhance what you’ve got.
And, of course, you won’t have slept with a guy who bolted right after.
3. The Sexual Chemistry Just Isn’t There
That buildup I was just talking about had you so sure the sex would be toe-tingling and hair-raising.
Like in a rom-com, you were left staring at the ceiling, wondering what went wrong.
Maybe he just wasn’t into it.
Maybe he likes one thing, you like something else, and you weren’t comfortable enough to have a conversation about it.
Maybe he finished quickly…but left you still wanting more.
Each of these scenarios happens all the time, and they’re perfectly natural. Not everyone is sexually compatible. Take this as a sign that a relationship probably won’t be any easier.
Now, all this being said, it can be hard to judge sexual compatibility after just one session. One or both of you might be nervous. You don’t yet know how to express what turns you on, nor does he. It takes a while to get into the groove of another person’s body, wants, and needs, so give it another chance if you’re the one ready to throw in the towel.
If he seems uninterested in trying again, open up the dialogue to get him curious about how much better the next time will be.
Did you like it when I did [insert sexy move here] last night?
Is there something else you’d like to try?
I got really turned on when you [insert sexy move here].
It could be fun to try [insert sexy move here].
Guys like women who take initiative and who express confidence sexually, so make sure you frame the conversation positively and with suggestions rather than negatively or critically (“I almost got off until you finished, rolled over, and went to sleep!”)
It’s always worth the effort to try again. But be honest if you agree that the chemistry wasn’t there, and you don’t think that will change. Better to cut your losses and move on than to waste time on the wrong guy.
4. He’s Scared That You’re Getting too Emotionally Involved
Sandy liked Brian, but wasn’t head over heels with him…until they slept together.