5 Powerful Ways To Bounce Back When Someone Steals Your Joy

Written By:

Written By:

powerful ways to bounce back 2

People are often cruel. Let your inner light shine brightly anyway! Here’s how to bounce back when someone steals your joy.

You know those fun, bubbly, naturally upbeat people who always seem to endlessly ooze happiness and positivity? Well, not all of us are like that.

While I’m always kind and thoughtful, feeling “joyful” is something I truly struggle with (and have my entire life). In fact, sometimes I am even afraid to feel too happy. And it turns out, I’m not the only one.

“If you ask me the most terrifying, difficult emotion we experience as humans, I would say joy… no question,” Dr. Brené Brown, notable shame and vulnerability researcher and bestselling author, once told Oprah

But, that’s crazy, right? If happiness is what we want most in life, why on earth would experiencing joy feel so scary?

Sure, there’s the age-old superstition about the proverbial “other shoe dropping” — the idea that if too many good things happen to you, the Universe will “punish you” by raining down misery and catastrophe.

But there’s actually an even more painful (and traumatizing) reason we’re scared to embrace joy in our lives: Humiliation.

Think about it. In order to let true joy in, you must let your guard down. Joy requires an open heart, relaxed mind, and lowered defenses. And in that moment of innocent whole-heartedness, it’s easy for some jerk to take a potshot at you and knock you down.

Having joy disrupted by random catastrophe is hard, but what’s so much worse is when someone deliberately takes sick pleasure in shaming the joy out you.

Why? Because you were “foolish” enough to show excitement, innocent elation, joyful appreciation or goofy playfulness, and in that moment of exposed vulnerability, the other person goes for your throat. Shaming you for daring to let your guard down. Embarrassing you in front of others for even attempting to enjoy your life and learning how to be happy.

Read Discover Your True Authentic Self

When we feel shame and humiliation this way, as Brown explains in her truly phenomenal book, The Gifts of Imperfection, we either “move away, by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves… move toward, by seeking to appease and please… or, move against, by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame.”

None of the above are healthy or ultimately helpful. So, what should you do when some jerk (whether that’s your mom or a total stranger) hurts your heart and humiliates you for being happy?

Chin up, friends. Here are 5 truly powerful ways to bounce back when someone steals your joy and takes the wind out of your sails:

1. Know who to share your joy within the first place.

In a social media world, our impulse is to tell everyone our business, broadcasting our most precious life moments to anyone who has ever randomly “liked” us. But in doing so, those moments are no longer held sacred.

“Our stories are not meant for everyone,” says Brown. “Hearing them is a privilege. We should always ask ourselves this before we share: ‘Who has earned the right to hear my story?’”

If your sister chips away at you because she’s jealous of your marriage, don’t share your joy with her. If you don’t want bitter people leaving deflating comments on your Facebook wall, don’t post that personal update. Choose wisely who you share your stories with. Don’t offer up your most poignant life moments to people who won’t truly celebrate them with you.

Read 10 Things That Happen When You Finally Pull Yourself Together

2. Let yourself feel the sting.

“Cruelty always hurts, even if the criticisms are untrue,” Brown says in The Gifts of Imperfection. And please know, cruelty hurts because it was meant to.

Someone taking a potshot at your joy wants to watch the light go out of your eyes. They enjoy the idea of hurting you energetically. Their cruel comment is the verbal equivalent of physically slapping you in the face.

You’re not weak if you feel the sting of that. So, call a trusted friend and cry if you need to, vent in your journal, admit to someone you trust that the criticism hurt. And then move on to the next step.

3. Stay true to you.

stay true to yourself

Now that you’ve been shot in the heart with an arrow of shame and humiliation, it’s decision time. Someone is trying to make you play smaller with their hurtful comments. Do you bend to that hater in this moment (and push the arrow further in yourself) or do you stay true to you and pull that sucker out?

If you stop wearing the dress you love because your “friend” passively-aggressively criticized it, she wins; she controls you (and she knows it). So does your competitive co-worker if their snarky comment about your project idea diminishes how much pride and excitement you feel about it.

It’s easy to start hiding ourselves to “stay safe” from having our joyful moments shattered, but as Brown says in her book, “Courage is telling our story, not being immune to criticism. Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand your sacred ground… Sacrificing who we are for the sake of what other people think just isn’t worth it.”

4. Increase your joy with gratitude.

gratitude

If you only have one light of joy glowing in your heart, it’s all the more devastating when someone tries to snuff it out. One of the best ways to cultivate shame resilience is by increasing your stores of inner joy.

And according to Brown, the single most powerful and effective way to flood your life with authentic joy is with gratitude.

“In 12 years of research,” she explains, “I’ve never interviewed a single person who talks about the capacity to really experience and soften into joy who does not actively practice gratitude. Period.” The thing is — we think if our life is joyful, then we’ll feel grateful. But it’s actually the opposite: when you practice gratitude, feelings of joy grow exponentially.

But having an “attitude of gratitude” won’t cut it. Gratitude is an action, one you must practice regularly and tangible. So, write your daily gratitudes down in a journal, create a ritual with your spouse or your kids, and each says what you’re grateful for that day as you say goodnight to each other. Doing so will fill your heart with so much light and joy, the sting of petty haters won’t last long.

Read 23 Ways to Bring More Positivity to Your Life

5. Protect other people’s happiness.

Here’s the deal: you can’t complain about how harsh and horrible it is for someone to burst your joy bubble, and then turn around and cruelly do the same to others. You know how lousy it feels to have someone take a swipe at your happiness, so doing that to others is just… mean.

So your husband laughed “too loud” at a friend’s joke. Big deal. So your friend felt excited about an achievement you think is completely stupid. So what? Don’t trash talk other people’s moments of lightness. The world has enough cruelty and misery in it.

Defend other people’s joy like it’s your own. As Brown says, “Courage is contagious.” Every time you stand up to defend joy (yours or someone else’s) you give other people permission to do the same.

Are you ready to bounce back when some one steals your joy?


Written by Cris Gladly
Originally appeared on Yourtango.com
Republished with permission
5 Powerful Ways To Bounce Back When Someone Steals Your Joy
powerful ways to bounce back pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Why We Click With Someone? The Psychology of Instant Connection

Instant Connection Clear Reasons Why We Click With Someone

Ever met someone and instantly clicked? What creates that effortless and instant connection? Let’s explore the psychology behind why you bond so quickly.

Science reveals why we instantly bond with certain people.

Key points

People who click often experience neural synchrony, showing similar brain activity.

We tend to form instant connections with those who share our background, values, or meaningful experiences.

Laughter is a secret signal of connection. Sharing a laugh makes us feel closer and crave more interaction.

Up Next

10 Proven Tips To Overcome Instagram Reels Addiction: STOP Mindless Scrolling Today!

How To Stop Instagram Reels Addiction? Ways

You open Instagram just to check a notification, and before you know it, you’ve spent hours scrolling and watching videos. Instagram Reels addiction is a real problem for all. If it sounds familiar, you’re not alone!

These reels are designed to be addictive short, engaging, and never-ending. But if you’re spending more than 4-6 hours a day watching mindless videos, it’s time to take control.

There are many concerns regarding the impact of Instagram Reel addiction on all age groups. TikTok has been found to be dangerous for children, and it’s likely that Instagram Reels will have the same impact on young teenagers and children.

Up Next

How To Avoid Suffering: 3 Transformational Steps to a Happier Life

How To Avoid Suffering: Transformational Steps

If you think that in order to avoid suffering you have to dodge life’s struggles, then you are not as right as you may think; it’s about handling them in a way that doesn’t drain you. This article is going to talk about how to avoid suffering and start living with more peace, power and joy.

Suffering is a natural part of life but it doesn’t have to be your entire life. In today’s Best Day Blog article, I’ll share three ways that can help you avoid suffering so you can live a happier, more fulfilling life!

How To Avoid Suffering: 3 Transformational Steps to a Happier Life

Step 1- Acceptance

Up Next

Self Love And Healing: How To Practice It

Self Love And Healing Challenging Aspects For It

Do you struggle with self love and healing? Learning to nurture your inner self is essential for growth, happiness, and peace. Explore for more!

Self-love and healing are challenging, because we’re tempted to look outside ourselves for something or someone to take away our pain.

We often flee from pain through distractions, relationships, addictions, or substances, seeking external solutions rather than addressing our inner struggles. Modern life, particularly in urban settings, disconnects us from our natural rhythms.

The fast pace and demands of our culture, constant connectivity, and instant gratification overwhelm our biological makeup and detrimentally affect our emotional and physical health. This lifestyle can

Up Next

What Is Healthy Shame And The 3 Powerful Ways It Helps Us Grow

What Is Healthy Shame And Powerful Ways It Helps Us Grow

When someone begins to heal from their codependency and trauma, they are bound to feel moments of shame. Whether that’s about past behavior or past experiences, most people will view shame negatively. However, there is a dysfunctional shame, which impedes progress, and healthy shame, which helps us.

So today, I am going to be talking about how shame can be beneficial.

Shame can help us move forward for three simple reasons:

1. It clarifies our morals and values.

2. It helps us make amends.

3. It spurs us into action.

It is essential to understand the differences between healthy and dysfunctional shame to move forward feeling empo

Up Next

6 Thinking Styles For Becoming Unstoppable (And Stress-Free!)

Helpful Thinking Styles For Becoming Unstoppable

The way we think influences how we feel, how we handle challenges, and ultimately, how we live our life. Some unhelpful thinking styles create stress, while others help us stay grounded and change our life.

Your thinking style is a powerful tool, it shapes how you process information, make decisions, and solve problems. Since our thoughts shape our reality, adopting the right mindset can be life-changing.

Take a look at six helpful thinking styles that can help you transform into a rel

Up Next

Philosophy as Self-Supervision: Reflecting on Psychological Practice

Philosophy As Self Supervision Important Key Points

How often do you pause and reflect on your own practice? Self supervision isn’t just a tool, it’s a philosophical approach for insight and growth. So let’s explore more!

How philosophical inquiry enhances self-awareness, reflection, and growth.

Key points

Philosophical reflection can be a tool for self-supervision.

Wonder and uncertainty can shape professional growth.

Philosophical inquiry can be integrated into everyday practice.