When one of my exes told me that he didn’t love me anymore, it shook me to my core. I simply couldn’t believe that this man who had been lovingly rubbing my back the night before had abruptly fallen out of love with me. I was so confused and devastated.
For weeks after the breakup, I stayed up late nursing my broken heart, endlessly googling signs your ex still loves you and asking questions like “does he still love me?”, “does my ex want me back?” and “signs my ex boyfriend still has feelings for me.”
Later, I found out for certain that my ex still loved me, but when he initially broke up with me and told me it was over he was hurting and angry and a whole bunch of other emotions that took him a lot of time to process.
One of the most painful things that happens during a breakup is that most people say and do things that they don’t mean. Because of all the painful emotions involved, exes usually act in confusing ways that can be hard to interpret.
Since that breakup, I’ve helped hundreds of people get back together with their exes and create better relationships than ever before. When people come to me for help getting their ex back, the first things I ask them about their breakup are the signs their ex still loves them on this list.
Update: I wrote this for women who want their ex boyfriend back, but if you’re a guy reading this, these signs your ex still loves you apply to you as well.
Here are some signs your ex still loves you that I look for when I help people get their exes back:
1. Your ex maintains contact with you when they don’t have to.
One of the more obvious signs your ex still loves you is that he stays in touch with you.
He might text out of the blue or call you for really odd, flimsy reasons. Men don’t usually hunger and yearn for an exe’s attention if they have completely fallen out of love with her.
It’s a definite sign your ex still loves you if he keeps popping into your life.
2. He says he still wants to be friends AND tries to make time for you.
Most of the time when an ex says he still wants to be friends, he is really saying that he’s not ready to cope with loss.
“Can we still be friends?” is one of those normal things that people say when they choose to break up. Since they haven’t lived life without their ex, the unknown is scary. Also, they might be trying to keep you around as “plan B,” particularly if they left you for someone else, wanted a “break” or because they thought the grass was greener on the other side.
He might have genuinely might be meant he wanted to be friends in the moment.
In practice, trying to stay friends with your ex is painful, since it keeps reopening the wound you are trying to heal and move on from. The real sign that he doesn’t want to let go of you is whether he tries to hang out after saying he wants to stay friends. You know your ex better than anyone else. If he’s just trying to keep you around to feed his ego, you might want to avoid staying friends.
3. He has extreme emotions about you.
The more extreme his emotional reaction to your breakup, whether it’s love, hate or awful deep sadness, the more likely it is that love is lurking below the surface.
Research from the University of Birmingham suggests that women experience more emotional and physical pain after a breakup, but men don’t recover from their pain as fully. It takes men longer to process the loss. While women tend to grieve and genuinely move on sooner, often men never do. This means that if he loved you once, he probably still does and has handled the breakup emotionally by burying his feelings instead of fully processing them.