Sex doesn’t get worse after marriage … it gets BETTER!!

So often, people step into marriage with a cloud over their head, assuming that the demise of great sex is certain.

Sometimes, it’s not even conscious — we host events like bachelorette/bachelor parties for the “last hoorah.” Not even realizing that the connotation behind it is mostly negative, implying “live one last glorious moment now, while you still can.”

But, is sex in marriage always terrible? Or is our negative mindset about it the real problem?

Of course, life happens and that honeymoon phase, for better or worse, comes to an abrupt end. Every couple eventually finds themselves caught up in the whirlwind of day-to-day life — then, kids come into the picture, and before you’ve quite mastered time management, your time together goes down the rabbit hole.

But, challenges aside, sorry — we’re just not buying this notion of sex in marriage as being doomed and terrible.

So, we asked our YourTango experts, who work with hundreds of couples every day (married, divorced, and remarried) to find out the truth about how to create a happy and healthy and downright HOT sex life in marriage (and whether that’s even possible).

What they revealed blows the “sex in marriage is terrible” stereotype right out of the water (along with quite a few other myths and misconceptions)!!

So, lean in close, because what you’re about to hear just might changes the game in your marriage … for the better! It turns out, letting go of the honeymoon phase is a good idea because sex in marriage has the potential to, truly, be phenomenal in its own right … If you understand what it takes to connect with your partner that way.

Here’s what we learned:

1. What Makes sex In Marriage GREAT?

Think that “frequent sex” or “frequent orgasms” are the secret to a happy, healthy sex life in marriage? Think again.

47% of YourTango experts say “soulful, intimate connection” is the key, with another 44% saying, “prioritizing pleasure for both partners.” So skip the “Energizer Bunny” approach to ‘getting it on’ and slow down. Make it a habit of looking each other in the eye, more often.

It turns out connecting heart to heart first is the best path the most mind-blowing orgasms.

2. What’s The Secret To sexual Attraction In Marriage?

What exactly turns your spouse on the MOST? Interestingly enough, it’s not those sexy little outfits you wear to bed or even the strip tease you performed.

Nope. Our experts find that 56% of their clients are most sexually attracted to their partner when “they’re made to feel appreciated or needed.”

So save your money, stop splurging on lacy lingerie and just help your partner do the dishes (or sincerely thank them when your honey does something for you). Trust us, it’ll go a long way!

3. How Do You Keep Your Married sex Life Sultry?

77% of experts recommend that clients “connect emotionally before initiating sex,” in order to sustain a sweet, steamy and mutually satisfying sex life and another 76% advocate “each partner asking for what you really want.”

That means court each other outside the bedroom and speak up and share what turns you on between the sheets. After all, the most basic lesson we learn in life is: closed mouths don’t get fed — apply that to your relationship — it never fails.

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Originally appeared on Yourtango.com

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