The Unedited Truth About Why People Cheat And What Couples Can Do About It

 / 

What Couples Can Do About It

Sometimes infidelity is not as black and white as it seems; there are so many unaddressed reasons as to why people cheat in relationships. When you ask the question as to why people cheat even when they are in stable relationships, it is important to not just look at the surface, but also deep inside.

Disclosing the unedited truth about why couples cheat on their partners irrespective of the promises made to each other.

Megan contacted me for counseling because she had just found out that her husband, Jim, was having an affair. Although she was feeling hurt and angry, she didn’t feel justified in getting too hurt and angry because she had also been having an affair.

Megan told me that she and Jim still loved each other and they didn’t want to break up their family, but her discovery of his affair took her out of denial.

She had been able to rationalize her affair to herself, but she couldn’t rationalize Jim’s. She had to acknowledge that something was really wrong. She was worried that this meant the end of their relationship.

I assured Megan that the affairs were not the problem but a symptom of the problem. It did not need to mean the end of the relationship. She and Jim could decide to learn about the deeper problems in their relationship and eventually create a much more satisfying relationship.

As a counselor, I hear this story over and over. Why is there so much infidelity?

Megan and Jim entered their marriage, as most people do, with the expectation that the other person would make them happy.

They entered feeling some emptiness, unworthiness, and insecurity, hoping their partner would fill them, validate them, and complete them. Yet as time went on, neither felt happy, secure, filled, or complete. They began to look elsewhere.

Perhaps someone else – someone more attentive and more emotionally available, or sexier, or more playful would fill the emptiness, validate their worth, and make them happy.

The problem lies in how most people in our society view what makes them happy. Any TV commercial will illuminate the underlying problem:

  • Get this car – it will make you happy.
  • Get this house – it will make you happy.
  • Wear these clothes. Then you will look good and get approval and that will make you happy.
  • Go on this diet – then you will look good, find your beloved, and then you will be happy.
  • Take this pill – then you will be happy.
  • Go on this vacation – that will make you happy.
  • Get this toy, this appliance, this new gadget – then you will be happy.

Related: Relationship Betrayals That Have Nothing To Do With Cheating

But Megan had the house, the car, the husband, the children, the money, the job, the antidepressants – and she still wasn’t happy. So, she went looking for another person to make her happy.

The problem is that as long as Megan and Jim believe that something external will make them happy, they will be unhappy, and they will keep looking for another person, better sex, a bigger house, and so on to make them happy.

Infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as does alcohol and drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, spending, shopping, and so on.

In the case of infidelity, the addiction is to attention, approval, or sex – using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Rather than end the relationship, taking their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship, Megan and Jim have the opportunity to do some inner healing work.

Want to know more about why people cheat? Check this video out below:

Why people cheat

Megan and Jim decided that it was worth trying to save their marriage. They came to one of our Inner Bonding Couples Intensives and learned about all the ways they were making the other person responsible for their well-being and happiness.

They learned the powerful Inner Bonding process for taking responsibility for their own feelings and for connecting with an ever-present source of love and wisdom to help them learn to love themselves.

They discovered that they had no love to share with each other until they learned how to fill themselves with love and to be loving to themselves. They learned:

  • To stay focused inward, on their own feelings and behavior, rather than have their eyes on the other’s plate.
  • That their intention is the most powerful thing they have, and that they are either in the intent to protect against pain or the intent to learn in any given moment. They discovered that the intent to learn about themselves and each other creates intimacy while the intent to protect against being hurt creates distance.
  • They learned to explore their own fears and beliefs rather than keep trying to get the other to change.
  • They learned how to connect with their personal source of inner/spiritual guidance to help them know the loving action toward themselves and with each other and they learned to take loving action for themselves rather than try to get the other to take care of them.

They then continued their learning and received much support by joining the Inner Bonding membership community.

Related: 9 Relationship Habits That Are More Harmful Than Cheating

By being willing to do their Inner Bonding work and learn how to take emotional responsibility for themselves, Megan and Jim were able to create a much more intimate and fulfilling relationship.

The affairs, rather than ending their relationship, led to creating a whole new and satisfying relationship. At this point, neither Megan nor Jim has any desire to have an affair. 


Written By Dr. Margaret Paul
Printed With Permission

The Unedited Truth About Why Couples Cheat
What Couples Can Do About It Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

10 Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: How To Tell If Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: Beyond the Obvious

If you are googling “surprising and unexpected signs of cheating” at 2 in the morning, then you’ve come to the right place. Well, we all have been there. Suspicion and doubt can sneak up like an uninvited guest when it comes to your spouse; something tells you that something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it.

When it comes to infidelity, it’s not always about the lipstick on the collar or mysterious phone calls at night. There can be many subtle signs of cheating that you might overlook and miss out on.

So go grab some coffee (or something stronger) and explore all the hidden signs you spouse



Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

The Cheaters' Playbook: Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we often have to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. We’re going to take a close look at the 3 types of men who have affairs, some of the glaring traits of men who cheat, and most importantly, why do men have affairs.

Let’s start with understanding the traits of men who cheat.



Up Next

How Does A Narcissist Act When Caught Cheating? 6 Things A Narcissistic Partner Might Say

How Does A Narcissist Act When Caught Cheating? Statements

How does a narcissist act when caught cheating? If you have ever been with a narcissist, you know what happens when a narcissist is caught cheating, and all the absurd things they say to justify their actions. Let’s explore 6 statements a narcissists makes when a narcissist gets caught cheating.

KEY POINTS

A narcissistic partner may routinely say six things when they are caught cheating.

These statements are manipulative and are meant to get you to believe that you are the one at fault.

An understanding of how these statements influence your judgment may help.



Up Next

How To Get Over Emotional Cheating: 10 Practical Tips

Practical Tips On How To Get Over Emotional Cheating

Finding out that the person you love the most is in love with someone else can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences. Emotional cheating can not only shatter a relationship, but it can also traumatize and emotionally break the other partner. Let’s learn how to get over emotional cheating and start the healing process

What Does Emotional Cheating Mean?

Also known as emotional infidelity or emotional affair, it refers to a relationship where one person falls in love with, becomes emotionally intimate or develops a romantic bond with someone else outside their primary relationship or marriage.



Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadows—figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes



Up Next

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? 18 Reasons Why They Cheat (And Why They Don’t)

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? Reasons They Can Be

Can a narcissist be faithful? This question delves into the intricate world of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the complex dynamics of relationships involving narcissists. 

Understanding the psychology behind this topic is crucial for those who have encountered or are currently involved with narcissistic individuals. Let us explore the nature of narcissism, the reasons why a narcissist can be unfaithful, as well as the factors that might lead them to exhibit faithfulness. 

Can a Narcissist be Faithful in a Relationship?

Can a narcissist be faithful? This is a nuanced question and doesn’t really have a straightforward answer.



Up Next

The 3 Least Loyal Zodiac Signs Who Seem Allergic To Commitment

Three Least Loyal Zodiac Signs: A Guide To Avoid Red Flag

The precious bond that fortifies connections and defines true devotion is loyalty. But these three least loyal zodiac signs are masters of unpredictability, challenging the very essence of commitment.

While the zodiac can offer insights into our strengths and weaknesses, it’s also known for pointing out our less desirable traits. 

Brace yourself, for we’re about to unveil the truth about the least loyal zodiac signs. From the silver screen to real life, these signs have left a trail of disloyalty that’s hard to ignore. 

So, if you’re ready to dive into the drama, let’s explore the traits of these most disloyal zodiac signs!

Read more he