Why Love Hurts: 5 Reasons Loving Relationships Can Be Painful

Written By:

Written By:

Love Hurts Reasons Loving Relationships Be Painful 1

Everyday, loving relationships can be painful at times, and knowing why love hurts will help you get rid of all the negative thoughts that swirl in your mind. Love hurts, but does that mean you will give up on it altogether?




Why does love hurt? I mean, seriously.

Love in the movies is full of roses and sunshine but, for some reason, in real life itโ€™s different.



Being in love means being in pain. Maybe not all of the time but certainly some of the time.

Many people are in pain because they are actually being physically or psychically abused by their partner. We arenโ€™t going to talk about that today. We are going to talk about why every day, regular, loving relationships can be painful.

The answers might surprise you!




Here Are 5 Reasons Why Love Hurts

1. The uncertainty about the future.

When you are wondering why does love hurt, one of the biggest reasons is because of the uncertainty of it all.

Love is wonderful and when we are falling into it we feel so wonderful and secure. And happy. And we get accustomed, in a way, to that security and comfort and we donโ€™t want it to go away.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in love. We know that from experience. And our hearts are so scared that this relationship will turn out like others and will cause us pain. Again.

So, itโ€™s the not knowing the future of our relationship โ€“ how it will turn out โ€“ that causes us physical pain.

The anxiety can cause stomach pain, the heartache that feels real, head fog, and other physical symptoms. Symptoms that cause us literal and figurative pain.




Try to manage your worries about the future. No one knows what will happen and worrying about it will only take away from the happiness that you are feeling right now.

Related: 7 Reasons Most People Fear Falling In Love

2. The expectations of what could be.

Unfortunately, itโ€™s that darn future that causes love to hurt in a relationship.

For many of us, living in the moment is very difficult. Instead of enjoying where we are right now, we project ahead to the future.

Even if you are secure in your relationship, wondering what is next can cause physical and psychic pain.

Itโ€™s those questions that you run over and over in your head that do it. When will I see him again? What will we do, if anything, this weekend? When can we move in together? When will she introduce me to her friends?

Again, worrying about the future, even in a secure, committed relationship, can cause pain. The symptoms can be similar to those described above. You might also find yourself feeling needy and clingy, neither of which is very fun for your partner.




So, if this is you, worrying about the future constantly, try to let it go and focus on right now.

3. The chemical crash.

Another reason that love is so painful is because of our bodyโ€™s chemistry.

When we are falling in love, all sorts of wonderful chemicals are coursing through our bodies.

Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Endorphins are all stimulated when we are experiencing love and lust. Those chemicals feel SO good that they are, in a way, addictive. Because our bodies only produce them at certain times, like when we are falling in love or after we exercise when we donโ€™t have them we crave them.

You know how, when after a lovely weekend together, you separate and the feeling is intensely painful?




That is because your body is literally going into the withdrawal of those chemicals that make you feel so good. And you wonโ€™t feel them again until you have some contact with your person.

This withdrawal is extremely painful and we will do just about anything to ease the pain. This need leads to anxiety about when we will see them again and the suffering is intensified.

If they are struggling with withdrawal pain, I encourage my clients to exercise.

Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are generated by exercise and you can, at least temporarily, get those chemicals coursing through your blood again and alleviate that pain.

Related: 10 Signs He Is In Love With You

4. The baggage we bring.

Yes, we have all been in and out of love over the course of our lifetime and, for many of us, the memories of what caused previous heartbreak is real and still present in our mind.



As a result, we bring the baggage from past relationships into our new ones and that can cause pain.

I know that I have had a number of boyfriends who have let me down. They made me promises, big promises, and then didnโ€™t follow through with them, leaving me heartbroken.

As a result, when I am in a new relationship, I am constantly on the lookout for being let down. Sometimes itโ€™s so bad that I set up my new guy to let me down, just to see what he will do.

This baggage, baggage that comes from past relationships, can cause us a lot of pain in our new ones. And that is dangerous because we donโ€™t want that baggage to interfere with the new oneโ€™s success.

If you are carrying pain from past relationships, try to let it go and not project it onto your new partner. Itโ€™s not his fault that another guy messed up so donโ€™t make him pay for it!

Why love hurts

5. The letdown.

You know when you are falling in love and you are so excited that you finally met a person who had their shit together and knew how to treat you.


Years and years of searching and FINALLY you hit pay dirt!

Or did you?

When we are falling in love, all we know is that our person is perfect. But then, as time goes on, our person reveals more of who he is and we learn that maybe he isnโ€™t exactly who we thought he was.

I am not saying that your perfect guy turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath (although that does happen) but your perfect guy does turn out to be imperfect.



Perhaps the guy who always used to hold the door for you sometimes doesnโ€™t. Or perhaps he has revealed himself to be a bit of a slob. Perhaps he spends more time at work then he used to or he plays a few more video games then you might like.

When the person we thought was perfect turns out not to be, it can be a huge letdown. Itโ€™s not that they arenโ€™t perfect enough to keep around but sometimes the awakening can be a rude one. And a painful one.

So, what do you do when the letdown causes you pain?

You take stock of the good things about your person (like the fact that he isnโ€™t a narcissistic sociopath) and, if necessary, address the things that might not be so perfect.

If you know that the video games are going to be an issue, either talk to him about how you feel about them or choose to accept them as part of your life.

Either way, donโ€™t let the fact that your person isnโ€™t the perfect person you thought he was, get in the way of your happiness.

You probably arenโ€™t quite the person he thought you were either and still he stays.

Related: Why Youโ€™re Afraid Of Falling In Love: According to Your Zodiac Sign

Why does love hurt? Why canโ€™t life be easy and full of joy?


On some level, these are existential questions but there also some concrete reasons why.

Fortunately, the pain doesnโ€™t need to mark the end of a relationship. Take stock of the things that are causing you pain and take steps to address them.

Are you feeling uncertain about your future? Do you wonder about expectations? Do you struggle with the chemical crash or the weight of the baggage that you bring? Do you wonder if this imperfect person is the one for you?

Address these things one at a time and the pain that you feel in your relationship can be managed and reduced.

Love can be wonderful and love can be painful. Make sure that the balance of the two is equal and you can live happily ever after!

You can do it!


Written by Mitzi Bockmann
Originally appeared in Let Your Dreams Begin
Why Love Hurts In A Relationship 5 Unexpected Reasons pin
Love Hurts Reasons Loving Relationships Be Painful Pin


— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

7 Signs Youโ€™re Unknowingly Being Mean To Your Partner

Being Mean To Your Partner? 7 Toxic Habits To Watch For

Being mean to your partner doesnโ€™t always look like full-blown fights or throwing personal insults around. More often than not, it’s those little, unintentional habits that slowly chip away at your relationship, and by the time you notice them, it’s already too late.

You might be under the impression that you are simply joking around or being honest with them, but have you ever asked your partner if they feel the same way as you? Maybe there are signs you are the toxic partner, but you have never really stopped and thought about it.

We all screw up sometimes, but recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it. So, letโ€™s break down some of the sneaky ways you might be being mean to your partnerโ€”without even realizing it.

Up Next

7 Signs Of Agape Love: What It Means To Love Unconditionally

7 Signs of Agape Love: What It Means To Love Unconditionally

We all know who messy modern relationships can be. Swipe right, swipe left, ghosting, breadcrumbing, situationships – it’s a circus out there and things are getting even crazier! In the midst of all this, exists something called “agape love”. Today, we are going to talk about what it is and the signs of agape love.

So, what keeps some relationships rock-solid when everything else feels disposable? It’s agape love. And once you experience and understand the characteristics of agape love in your life, it’s like an eureka moment.

You realize that true and unconditional love is more than butterflies and romantic gestures; it’s more about being there when it matters the most, even when things may seem tough.

Let’s first try to understand what is the meaning of agape love really.

<

Up Next

Are You Loud Looking For Love? Ditch The Games, Try This New Dating Trend

5 Benefits Of Loud Looking Dating Strategy

Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and all those exhausting dating games, who has the time anymore? If you’re over the confusion and just want something real, it’s time to embrace loud looking dating strategy!

What Is Loud Looking Dating Strategy?

As per Tinder’s Year in Swipe 2024, loud looking is all about putting your intentions out there, no filters, no second-guessing. Whether youโ€™re searching for casual fun or your future

Up Next

Dating a Reserved Person: 9 Simple Ways to Make Them Feel Loved

Dating a Reserved Person: 9 Tips for a Happy Relationship

Dating a reserved person is like opening a book with a locked cover and several layers – it takes time, finesse and patience to understand them. Don’t expect them to open up in the very first date itself, nor will they shout their love from the rooftops.

But once you understand how to handle their quiet charm and silent nature, you will discover that reserved individuals love very deeply, think profoundly and make some of the most loyal partners out there.

So, if you are dating a reserved man or woman, this article is going to help navigate dating them without making things awkward.

Related:

Up Next

11 Unique Relationship Words You Canโ€™t Translate In English (But Will Feel Deeply)

Relationship Words: Some Beautiful Untranslatable Words

Have you ever felt something in love that English just canโ€™t quite describe? Sometimes, emotions are so layered and complex that they need a word from another language to capture them perfectly. Take a look some of the relationship words that capture the beauty of love.

Across different cultures, people have found ways to define love, desire, heartbreak, and everything in between, beautiful untranslatable words for love that donโ€™t have direct English translations but still feel universally relatable.

Read More Here: 18 New Words Added To The Dictionary: Word Buffet

Up Next

Romance, Roast And Giggles: 50+ Best Relationship Jokes

Best Relationship Jokes That Prove Love is Hilarious!

Love is a rollercoaster, and when you have an arsenal of the best relationship jokes, it makes the ride even more fun! Be it a new romance, a long-term relationship, or you simply just adore some corny love jokes, these hilarious couple jokes will have you cracking up.

From dating disasters to hilarious marriage moments, relationships come with plenty of comedy material. Because letโ€™s be honestโ€”love isnโ€™t always candlelit dinners and sweet texts. Sometimes, itโ€™s forgetting anniversaries, stealing blankets, and arguing over where to eat.

So, hold on to your partner right, and enjoy these funny jokes about love!

Up Next

Break Up On Valentines Day? 16 Self-Care Tips When You’ve Been Un-Valentined

Break Up On Valentines Day? Self-Care Tips When You've Been Un-Valentined

The ultimate love fest is around the corner. For some, it’s the best day of the year, but for others, it’s when things fall apart. If youโ€™ve had a break up on valentines day or before, weโ€™ll give you some tips on how to mend your broken heart.

A breakup on the big day or before it, can feel like your entire world is falling apart and to be honest, itโ€™s the loneliest feeling ever because every tv commercial and nook and corner is filled with couples or about love.

So, we’ve got your back with a roadmap for handling break up on Valentine’s day and even thriving after. But before that let me tell you that this situation is not something youโ€™ll face alone, there are many more people whoโ€™ve got their heart broken as wellโ€ฆ

You’re Not