Why Love Hurts: 5 Reasons Loving Relationships Can Be Painful

Everyday, loving relationships can be painful at times, and knowing why love hurts will help you get rid of all the negative thoughts that swirl in your mind. Love hurts, but does that mean you will give up on it altogether?

Why does love hurt? I mean, seriously.

Love in the movies is full of roses and sunshine but, for some reason, in real life itโ€™s different.

Being in love means being in pain. Maybe not all of the time but certainly some of the time.

Many people are in pain because they are actually being physically or psychically abused by their partner. We arenโ€™t going to talk about that today. We are going to talk about why every day, regular, loving relationships can be painful.

The answers might surprise you!

Here Are 5 Reasons Why Love Hurts

1. The uncertainty about the future.

When you are wondering why does love hurt, one of the biggest reasons is because of the uncertainty of it all.

Love is wonderful and when we are falling into it we feel so wonderful and secure. And happy. And we get accustomed, in a way, to that security and comfort and we donโ€™t want it to go away.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in love. We know that from experience. And our hearts are so scared that this relationship will turn out like others and will cause us pain. Again.

So, itโ€™s the not knowing the future of our relationship โ€“ how it will turn out โ€“ that causes us physical pain.

The anxiety can cause stomach pain, the heartache that feels real, head fog, and other physical symptoms. Symptoms that cause us literal and figurative pain.

Try to manage your worries about the future. No one knows what will happen and worrying about it will only take away from the happiness that you are feeling right now.

Related: 7 Reasons Most People Fear Falling In Love

2. The expectations of what could be.

Unfortunately, itโ€™s that darn future that causes love to hurt in a relationship.

For many of us, living in the moment is very difficult. Instead ofย enjoying where we are right now, we project ahead to the future.

Even if you are secure in your relationship, wondering what is next can cause physical and psychic pain.

Itโ€™s those questions that you run over and over in your head that do it. When will I see him again? What will we do, if anything, this weekend?ย When can we move in together? When will she introduce me to her friends?

Again, worrying about the future, even in a secure, committed relationship, can cause pain. The symptoms can be similar to those described above. You might also find yourself feeling needy and clingy, neither of which is very fun for your partner.

So, if this is you, worrying about the future constantly, try to let it go and focus on right now.

3. The chemical crash.

Another reason that love is so painful is because of our bodyโ€™s chemistry.

When we are falling in love, all sorts ofย wonderful chemicalsย are coursing through our bodies.

Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Endorphins are all stimulated when we are experiencing love and lust. Those chemicals feel SO good that they are, in a way, addictive. Because our bodies only produce them at certain times, like when we are falling in love or after we exercise when we donโ€™t have them we crave them.

You know how, when after a lovely weekend together, you separate and the feeling is intensely painful?

That is because your body is literally going into the withdrawal of those chemicals that make you feel so good. And you wonโ€™t feel them again until you have some contact with your person.

This withdrawal is extremely painful and we will do just about anything to ease the pain. This need leads to anxiety about when we will see them again and the suffering is intensified.

If they are struggling with withdrawal pain, I encourage my clients to exercise.

Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are generated by exercise and you can, at least temporarily, get those chemicals coursing through your blood again and alleviate that pain.

Related: 10 Signs He Is In Love With You

4. The baggage we bring.

Yes, we have all been in and out of love over the course of our lifetime and, for many of us, the memories of what caused previous heartbreak is real and still present in our mind.

As a result, we bring the baggage from past relationships into our new ones and that can cause pain.

I know that I have had a number of boyfriends who have let me down. They made me promises, big promises, and then didnโ€™t follow through with them, leaving me heartbroken.

As a result, when I am in a new relationship, I am constantly on the lookout for being let down. Sometimes itโ€™s so bad that I set up my new guy to let me down, just to see what he will do.

This baggage, baggage that comes from past relationships, can cause us a lot of pain in our new ones. And that is dangerous because we donโ€™t want that baggage to interfere with the new oneโ€™s success.

If you are carrying pain from past relationships, try to let it go and not project it onto your new partner. Itโ€™s not his fault that another guy messed up so donโ€™t make him pay for it!

Why love hurts

5. The letdown.

You know when you are falling in love and you are so excited that you finally met a person who had their shit together and knew how to treat you.

Years and years of searching and FINALLY you hit pay dirt!

Or did you?

When we are falling in love, all we know is that our person is perfect. But then, as time goes on, our person reveals more of who he is and we learn that maybe he isnโ€™t exactly who we thought he was.

I am not saying that your perfect guy turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath (although that does happen) but your perfect guy does turn out to be imperfect.

Perhaps the guy who always used to hold the door for you sometimes doesnโ€™t. Or perhaps he has revealed himself to be a bit of a slob. Perhaps he spends more time at work then he used to or he plays a few more video games then you might like.

When the person we thought was perfect turns out not to be, it can be a huge letdown. Itโ€™s not that they arenโ€™t perfect enough to keep around but sometimes the awakening can be a rude one. And a painful one.

So, what do you do when the letdown causes you pain?

You take stock of the good things about your person (like the fact that he isnโ€™t a narcissistic sociopath) and, if necessary, address the things that might not be so perfect.

If you know that the video games are going to be an issue, either talk to him about how you feel about them or choose to accept them as part of your life.

Either way, donโ€™t let the fact that your person isnโ€™t the perfect person you thought he was, get in the way of your happiness.

You probably arenโ€™t quite the person he thought you were either and still he stays.

Related: Why Youโ€™re Afraid Of Falling In Love: According to Your Zodiac Sign

Why does love hurt? Why canโ€™t life be easy and full of joy?

On some level, these are existential questions but there also some concrete reasons why.

Fortunately, the pain doesnโ€™t need to mark the end of a relationship. Take stock of the things that are causing you pain and take steps to address them.

Are you feeling uncertain about your future? Do you wonder about expectations? Do you struggle with the chemical crash or the weight of the baggage that you bring? Do you wonder if this imperfect person is the one for you?

Address these things one at a time and the pain that you feel in your relationship can be managed and reduced.

Love can be wonderful and love can be painful. Make sure that the balance of the two is equal and you can live happily ever after!

You can do it!


Written by Mitzi Bockmann
Originally appeared in Let Your Dreams Begin
Why Love Hurts In A Relationship 5 Unexpected Reasons pin
Love Hurts Reasons Loving Relationships Be Painful Pin

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapmanโ€™s The Five Love Languages, but these languages arenโ€™t designed for neurodiverse individuals โ€“ who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones donโ€™t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, letโ€™s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why Sheโ€™s the Best Girlfriend Youโ€™ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When youโ€™re dating a tomboy, youโ€™re in for a relationship thatโ€™s refreshingly different. Sheโ€™s someone whoโ€™s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If youโ€™re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision youโ€™ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

Get To Know Your Partner Better: Try This Viral Love Character Test Now!

When it comes to dating, we all have our own unique ways. Some of us are laid-back, and some are full of energy. So, what kind of dating personality do you have? If youโ€™re curious, try this viral Love Character Test to find out where you fall in this dating spectrum.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

The Love Character Test is the

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesnโ€™t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So hereโ€™s pebbling love language โ€“ inspired by penguins. Letโ€™s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTokโ€™s โ€˜Meeting Someone Twice Theoryโ€™ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory โ€“ is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So letโ€™s learn how the universe

Up Next

7 Common Trauma Beliefs Preventing You From Finding Love

Are you still single, even after putting in a lot of effort to find love? The answer might lie in your trauma beliefs. Yes, you heard me right. Trauma beliefs are the deep-seated, often subconscious notions formed from past painful experiences that shape how you see yourself and relationships, in general.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

8 Clear Signs Someone Cares About You (Even If They Donโ€™t Always Express It)

Are you confused about whether they genuinely care about you? Well, this article will take you through 8 unmistakable signs someone cares about you deeply, even though they do not always express it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

There is an ancient saying that actions speak louder than words. An expression like that ten