5 Things That Happen When You Stop Looking For Love

things that happen when you stop looking for love

4. You Can Get Used To Alone Time.

People HATE it when I say this but I do think that it’s really important.

It is essential that if we are going to be in a successful relationship, that we are good at being alone.

I have a friend who, when she first got divorced, found that being alone was the most uncomfortable thing for her. As a result, she frantically looked for love, desperately needing to fill up that empty space left by her ex-husband.

Eventually, she was exhausted by her search and decided to try to take some time off from dating. At first, she was still uncomfortable in her home but, after a time, she got used to it. She learned that being alone allowed her to truly be herself and to do what she wanted to do. There was no one to take care of or compromise with – it was her way, always. And she liked that.

Learning how to be alone, to not be desperate for the company of another person, changed my friend’s life because with this lack of neediness she became a stronger, more self-confident person who, in turn, attracted stronger, more self-confident guys. Guys she really liked. And guys who had to prove themselves to be allowed into her space.

So, take some time getting to know yourself and spending time alone. You will be glad you did.

5. Love Will Find You.

There is a saying attributed to Henry David Thoreau that reads ‘Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will evade you, but if you notice the other things around you, it will gently come and sit on your shoulder.’

This is true with love as well.

We often pursue love like we train for a marathon or push to get ahead in our careers. But love isn’t found like that. Love is found when we are rested and know ourselves. When we are happy being alone and have the self-confidence to put our best foot forward.

Related: Letting Go and Holding On: The Entanglement of Love

If we continue our dogged pursuit of love without stopping and noticing the world around us we could miss all that is beautiful, including the love of that person we didn’t see because we were swiping left or hyper-focusing on that stunning man down the bar.

So, know that, if you are considering letting go of looking for love, doing so might be just what you need to find your forever person.

5 Things That Happen When You Stop Looking For Love
When you stop looking for love outside

Letting go of looking for love is a big step, a leap of faith that in doing so you won’t sabotage your love life forever.

The search for love is a marathon and not a sprint.

It is important that we take our time, nourish ourselves and the world, have the self-confidence that love will find us and that if it doesn’t right away, we will be okay alone.

Letting go of looking for love doesn’t have to be forever. It’s like pressing the pause button on a song or a TV show – something that you can get back to when you are ready.

So, take a moment. Step back from your pursuit of love. Believe that if you do, you will still find your happily ever after, maybe just not today. And that’s ok.  You will find them someday – I promise.

5 Things That Happen When You Stop Looking For Love
5 Things That Happen When You Stop Looking For Love
things that happen when you stop looking for love pin
5 Things That Happen When You Stop Looking For Love
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Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.View Author posts