Are you really struggling with letting go of a past love? Are you sure that your ex was the only person for you and that you could never possibly be happy again?
I get it! The pain that you are in now is pain that is intense and feels like it will never end.
But it can! If you want it to.
If you are determined and ready to take the next steps and work on letting go of a past love, you will give yourself a chance at true love and happiness.
Is that hard to imagine that it’s possible? Let me tell you why.
1 – You will know what you want.
For many of us, the time after we have broken up with someone we loved is a time of real reflection.
Whether we did the breaking up or were broken up with, one way to manage pain is to take a good hard look at what happened and what we really want.
What have you learned from your past love?
Over the course of my post-divorce dating years, I fell in love many times. None of them lasted, for a variety of reasons. And while I was at times broken-hearted, with every break up I learned more and more about what I wanted.
I wanted someone who could make me feel special, who was smart and funny and honest, who had a great relationship with this family and who knew who he was. As I let go of each of these men, I was able to take another step towards knowing myself and what I wanted in the world – and thereby find true happiness.
2 – You can focus on what’s in front of you.
Have you tried dating since your break up? Has it been an unmitigated disaster because you can’t help but think about your ex and everything that you have lost?
Are you given great new career opportunities or the chance to travel and you don’t take them because you are too focused on your broken heart and maybe getting your lover back?
Are your friends there to go dancing but you can’t join them because you are wallowing?
Letting go of a past love, in spite of the pain and the lost hopes will allow you to lift your head and focus on the opportunities for happiness that are put in front of you.
If you don’t, you will be destined to be miserable. And life is too short to be miserable.
3 – You will stop comparing.
When we are in a new relationship and we have not yet been able to let go of an old one, it is very difficult to stop yourself from comparing the two.
If your new guy isn’t as funny as your old, you will hold that against him, even if he is funny in his own way. If the sex isn’t as good, you could shut down instead of giving it a chance to improve, as sex lives often do. If he doesn’t make as much money as your old guy you might think he isn’t good enough for you, completely ignoring that he knows who he is because he does work that feels good.
Another thing that happens with people who struggle with letting go of a past love is that we hold on to our ‘issues.’ Our ‘baggage.’
If we were lied to by our ex, we are always worried that our new person will lie to us. If your old guy ignored you when you were at parties, you will stress out if your new person leaves your side even for a minute.
Letting go of a past love allows us to also let go of the damage that they did to us. And if we can do so, we will have a much better chance of future happiness, both in love and life!