The Charming Narcissist: A Tale of Manipulation

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You know how charming narcissists work? They know how to play people and get away with it. They know how to charm you and make you believe that they are the best people you know.

Two Main Types of Narcissism

Long ago I realized that narcissists come in two very different varieties.ย  You have to know what makes each type tick to deal with them effectively. So, I was sure to discuss them in my first two books.

But back when I first wrote about them, most professionals didnโ€™t recognize that two types existed. However, in recent years, much research has validated this notion.

Related: Discover Your Level of Narcissism

โ€œNeuroticโ€ or โ€œcompensatoryโ€ narcissists

โ€œNeuroticโ€ or โ€œcompensatoryโ€ narcissists harbor inner insecurities and have a fragile self-image. So, they crave praise and adulation. And they seem oblivious to how obnoxious they can appear when trying to prove themselves.

they hurt you and they act like you hurt them.

Contrarily, character-disturbed or โ€œgrandioseโ€ narcissists have strong and inflated egos. And their arrogance does not represent an unconscious compensation for an underlying impaired sense of self-worth.

Such folks truly believe in their greatness. And they treat others with disdain and on purpose. Believing themselves superior, they feelย entitledย to do so. They even know how they come across.

But they lack empathy. Theyโ€™reย awareย but simplyย donโ€™t care. (I speak to this in-depth inย Character Disturbance.)

You can separate narcissists in another way, too. Some narcissists are unhesitatingly brash and vulgar. They openly flaunt and disdain. And they offend us easily. We tolerate such folks only when we have to.ย  Weโ€™d rather not even be around them, let alone deal with them.

Charmingย narcissists

Charming narcissist are different.

They know just what to say and how to act to curry favor. Theyโ€™re adept at the art of impression management (or image control).

As a result, they know how to seduce and otherwise manipulate you. (See also:ย Deception and Manipulation.)

Brash and vulgar narcissists naturally offend us. So, we naturally want to keep our distance and watch our backs. But charming narcissists are in some ways more dangerous.

Like I say inย In Sheepโ€™s Clothing, dealing with them can be like getting whiplash. You only fully realize who they are and what theyโ€™ve done to you after the fact.

when people are rejected, they often try harder to please.

Charming Narcissists and Relationships

My case files are full of a typical story. A victim reports that on the front end of a relationship someone made them feel special. They made them feel desired, of value. They said such wonderful things โ€“ made incredible promises.

The victim may have even known that the purpose was to be won over. But even that notion made them feel important. Only after years of exploitation and abuse did they come to realize they represented merely a trophy of sorts.

Related: Histronic Personality Disorder: How Narcissism Works In Women

And, unfortunately, they also learned the hard way how easily some trophies can be discarded once theyโ€™ve outlived their usefulness.

Contact the author best by going to the blog at:ย Dr.ย Georgeย Simonย โ€“ Author, Public Speaker, Consultant, Character Development Coach, Composerย and using the โ€œContact Dr.ย Simonโ€ tab on the contact page.


Written by Dr. George Simon
Originally appeared in Dr. George Simon

Republished with permission.
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