You know how charming narcissists work? They know how to play people and get away with it. They know how to charm you and make you believe that they are the best people you know.
Two Main Types of Narcissism
Long ago I realized that narcissists come in two very different varieties.ย You have to know what makes each type tick to deal with them effectively. So, I was sure to discuss them in my first two books.
But back when I first wrote about them, most professionals didnโt recognize that two types existed. However, in recent years, much research has validated this notion.
Related: Discover Your Level of Narcissism
โNeuroticโ or โcompensatoryโ narcissists
โNeuroticโ or โcompensatoryโ narcissists harbor inner insecurities and have a fragile self-image. So, they crave praise and adulation. And they seem oblivious to how obnoxious they can appear when trying to prove themselves.
Contrarily, character-disturbed or โgrandioseโ narcissists have strong and inflated egos. And their arrogance does not represent an unconscious compensation for an underlying impaired sense of self-worth.
Such folks truly believe in their greatness. And they treat others with disdain and on purpose. Believing themselves superior, they feelย entitledย to do so. They even know how they come across.
But they lack empathy. Theyโreย awareย but simplyย donโt care. (I speak to this in-depth inย Character Disturbance.)
You can separate narcissists in another way, too. Some narcissists are unhesitatingly brash and vulgar. They openly flaunt and disdain. And they offend us easily. We tolerate such folks only when we have to.ย Weโd rather not even be around them, let alone deal with them.
Charmingย narcissists
Charming narcissist are different.
They know just what to say and how to act to curry favor. Theyโre adept at the art of impression management (or image control).
As a result, they know how to seduce and otherwise manipulate you. (See also:ย Deception and Manipulation.)
Brash and vulgar narcissists naturally offend us. So, we naturally want to keep our distance and watch our backs. But charming narcissists are in some ways more dangerous.
Like I say inย In Sheepโs Clothing, dealing with them can be like getting whiplash. You only fully realize who they are and what theyโve done to you after the fact.
Charming Narcissists and Relationships
My case files are full of a typical story. A victim reports that on the front end of a relationship someone made them feel special. They made them feel desired, of value. They said such wonderful things โ made incredible promises.
The victim may have even known that the purpose was to be won over. But even that notion made them feel important. Only after years of exploitation and abuse did they come to realize they represented merely a trophy of sorts.
Related: Histronic Personality Disorder: How Narcissism Works In Women
And, unfortunately, they also learned the hard way how easily some trophies can be discarded once theyโve outlived their usefulness.
Contact the author best by going to the blog at:ย Dr.ย Georgeย Simonย โ Author, Public Speaker, Consultant, Character Development Coach, Composerย and using the โContact Dr.ย Simonโ tab on the contact page.
Written by Dr. George Simon
Originally appeared in Dr. George Simon
Republished with permission.
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