Whether youโre married for a few months or several years, you are bound to wonder at times if your husband still loves you as he did when you started dating. Although it can be very scary, sooner or later you will question your marriage, how much your husband is invested in it, and worse still, that he doesn’t love you anymore.
A reader struggles with the sinking suspicion that her husband has fallen out of love with her.
Dear Elizabeth,
I need your help. Lately, my husband has gotten really distant. He doesnโt come home right after work, he barely touches me, he doesnโt want sex. I keep trying to talk to him about our relationship but he doesnโt say anything that really makes any sense. He either doesnโt say anything or gives me one-word answers. I get so frustrated and it really hurts. Weโve been really busy and I thought that might be the problem, so I tried to find out if he wants to schedule a weekend away together, just usโ but he seemed like he didnโt care one way or another.
I guess, what Iโm really asking you is, what are the signs my husband doesnโt love me anymore? I donโt feel right asking him directly, because if he still does love me, I donโt want to rock the boat. If he doesnโt love me, I donโt know what Iโm going to doโ but either way, I donโt want to live like this anymore. What should I do?
First, I need to say, Iโm so sorry youโre going through this.
Having your partner fall out of love with you is one of the most painful relationship experiences available, right next to hearing that your beloved wants a divorce or that theyโre running off with your sister.
Before I get into the signs your husband has fallen out of love, I want to say that as long as youโre both still breathing, there is hope to save your marriage. Just because his love has gone dormant doesnโt mean it has to be gone for good.
Here are 10 depressing signs your husband doesnโt love you anymore:
1. He doesnโt want to spend time with you or regularly chooses activities voluntarily that take him away from the home and your relationship.
2. Your husband makes disrespectful comments that might seem little on the surface but really arenโt.
3. He stops doing things for you or says he will but doesnโt follow through.
4. Your partner discusses your relationship with other people negatively.
5. He needs to โblow off a lot of steamโ which doesnโt include coming home or seeing you.
6. Your husband feels distant and your communication has gotten more and more limited.
7. He no longer cares to fight with you.
8. Your husband picks fights and then uses them as an excuse to storm out of the house, giving himself the opportunity to have more time alone.
9. Heโs gone โmissingโ for hours or even days at a time.
10. He doesnโt want sex or intimacy.
If youโre seeing these signs your husband doesnโt love you, it doesnโt have to mean that your marriage is over or that your husband is permanently checked out.
Thatโs because of romantic love waxes and wanes.
Related: 10 Signs Heโs Not In Love, You Are Just Convenient
Weโre brought up to believe that romantic love is a constant, and we nail it down with marriage.
Romantic love needs oxygen. It requires space and distance and a certain level of mystery and attraction to really thrive.
Marriage is decidedly NOT space, distance, and mystery. It just isnโt set up that way.
By getting married, we put shackles on love. We change something that we didโ loveโ because we wanted to, it was fun, into something that is a requirement.
Then we wonder why weโre sad, disillusioned and obsessed with the concept that our husband doesnโt love us anymore.
Maybe he doesnโt.
But, maybe the fact that you have both settled in and solidified your roles in your life together has simply taken the passion out of things between you.
Now, Iโm not saying this to make you feel bad about whatโs happening at home and I certainly donโt blame you.
Itโs just that you have a choice.
If youโre seeing these signs your husband doesnโt love you, you might feel hopeless and terrified. However, you can create positive changes that transform your relationship and elevate it to a point where you can inspire your husband to fall back in love with you.
If he loved you once, he can love you again. But itโs not easy because if heโs gotten to the point where heโs fallen out of love with you, youโre going to have to approach this from all angles.
Hereโs how to start bringing the love back into your marriage.
1. Go out of your way to show your husband more respect.
One of the most basic and common reasons that husbands fall out of love is that they stop feeling like their women respect them.
Respect for a man is relationship OXYGEN.
If you have been disrespecting himโeven unintentionallyโ by mothering him, trying to make all of the decisions, emasculating him, criticizing his ideas, or generally not treating him as though his input is valuable, stop.
Often we treat the cashier at Home Depot with more respect than the man we sleep next to every night. This has to stop right now.
2. Stop going on the defensive.
When weโre with someone for a long time, something little they say can ignite a powder keg of pent-up pain and resentment.
Starting right now, resolve to own your part and stop defending yourself from every perceived slight. Yes, even when he means it.
This is your lover. Itโs time to put down your shield and suit of armor. Center yourself and choose to let more remarks slide without judgment. If he truly hurts your feelings, take the direct route and say, โthat hurt my feelingsโ and wait for his response. We often assume the other person doesnโt care when they shut down because they are actually responding to the anger that they hear coming from us when we go on the defense. The defense is the first act of war.
When your marriage is already on the rocks, you wonโt do either of you any favors by arguing more often. Practice letting more things go.
Related: My Husband Isnโt The Same Man I Married
3. Make yourself happy.
You canโt have a happy relationship with anyone when you are miserable. Itโs the old idea that you have to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping another person if the plane is crashing.
And, your ordinary life WILL CRASH if you donโt eventually nurture your own happiness. One of the best ways to do this is to start having fun, first with yourself and then with your husband.
The time and effort you put into making yourself happy pay off in dividends when it comes to your relationship, because the better you feel, the happier youโll be. And the happier you are, the happier your marriage will become.
If your marriage shows signs your husband doesnโt love you, then you need to see this video presentation by Brad Browning.
Learn the secrets to a devoted marriage as well as 3 marriage murdering mistakes to stop making now before itโs too late.
Written by Elizabeth Stone Originally appeared in AttractTheOne.com
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