Whether you’re married for a few months or several years, you are bound to wonder at times if your husband still loves you as he did when you started dating. Although it can be very scary, sooner or later you will question your marriage, how much your husband is invested in it, and worse still, that he doesn’t love you anymore.
A reader struggles with the sinking suspicion that her husband has fallen out of love with her.
I need your help. Lately, my husband has gotten really distant. He doesn’t come home right after work, he barely touches me, he doesn’t want sex. I keep trying to talk to him about our relationship but he doesn’t say anything that really makes any sense. He either doesn’t say anything or gives me one-word answers. I get so frustrated and it really hurts. We’ve been really busy and I thought that might be the problem, so I tried to find out if he wants to schedule a weekend away together, just us— but he seemed like he didn’t care one way or another.
I guess, what I’m really asking you is, what are the signs my husband doesn’t love me anymore? I don’t feel right asking him directly, because if he still does love me, I don’t want to rock the boat. If he doesn’t love me, I don’t know what I’m going to do— but either way, I don’t want to live like this anymore. What should I do?
First, I need to say, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Having your partner fall out of love with you is one of the most painful relationship experiences available, right next to hearing that your beloved wants a divorce or that they’re running off with your sister.
Before I get into the signs your husband has fallen out of love, I want to say that as long as you’re both still breathing, there is hope to save your marriage. Just because his love has gone dormant doesn’t mean it has to be gone for good.
Here are 10 depressing signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore:
1. He doesn’t want to spend time with you or regularly chooses activities voluntarily that take him away from the home and your relationship.
2. Your husband makes disrespectful comments that might seem little on the surface but really aren’t.
3. He stops doing things for you or says he will but doesn’t follow through.
4. Your partner discusses your relationship with other people negatively.
5. He needs to “blow off a lot of steam” which doesn’t include coming home or seeing you.
6. Your husband feels distant and your communication has gotten more and more limited.
7. He no longer cares to fight with you.
8. Your husband picks fights and then uses them as an excuse to storm out of the house, giving himself the opportunity to have more time alone.
9. He’s gone “missing” for hours or even days at a time.
10. He doesn’t want sex or intimacy.
If you’re seeing these signs your husband doesn’t love you, it doesn’t have to mean that your marriage is over or that your husband is permanently checked out.
That’s because of romantic love waxes and wanes.
We’re brought up to believe that romantic love is a constant, and we nail it down with marriage.
Romantic love needs oxygen. It requires space and distance and a certain level of mystery and attraction to really thrive.
Marriage is decidedly NOT space, distance, and mystery. It just isn’t set up that way.
By getting married, we put shackles on love. We change something that we did— love— because we wanted to, it was fun, into something that is a requirement.
Then we wonder why we’re sad, disillusioned and obsessed with the concept that our husband doesn’t love us anymore.
Maybe he doesn’t.