Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.
Prince was someone who I love so much.
I pray that his love and his vibe will continue to spread here on Earth the way he awakened my soul with his music and life.
I celebrate life and honor myself today by sharing the love and gratitude in my heart.
Like Badu said, he will forever be in my cells.
Here is to me, because of you, Prince.
Dear Life,
I am so grateful.
For it all.
To be alive.
To feel.
To embody my spirit and to connect with everything I love.
To my heart.
To a reality that is just so beautiful.
To my family and friends, that we are in each others lives. I love you so much.
Time is however short or long we know it to be.
Love is eternal.
To love one another is life, to love ourselves is essential and to love unconditionally is peace.
Today, my friend’s five year old son Jacob was my teacher. He taught me a little more about how to love.
We were playing around and someone asked him who he liked better, Agnes or Kate. Jacob said he liked Kate more and then looked at me sheepishly as though he was going to get in trouble by me. He was waiting for me to get hurt and upset at him. It nearly broke my heart that little glimpse of fear in a child’s eyes. I reacted so freely, “it’s ok Jacob, you can love Kate more than me, it doesn’t change how much I love you”. He taught me this about myself. About how to love.
And here, I remember how many times in my past that it hurt so much that I compared how much I was loved to another person. I am sorry for the times I felt like shaming or guilting others because they didn’t love me more or less. I am sorry for how I made myself feel when I thought that someone didn’t love me more or less.
And I forgive it all today.
The story was love versus love and that story hurt. Whether I was on the winning or losing side, that story was still unkind.
No matter what the story is, it never takes away how much I love that person. This is the reality that I accept now with peace and love in my heart. And so the story changes instantly to, it never meant that they loved me any less than they did.
Love is love.
I continue to heal my heart from a love that I still tell the story of. I feel this is still my story to tell because it continues to teach me.
The story was retold to me just the other day about how much they miss hugging someone in the winter time. And I later thought that night that I was lucky to have known such a loving embrace which taught me how much I was actually worth this love that I didn’t think I was ever worthy of receiving. I was always so afraid to lose it.
When we separated, in my aloneness I have learnt that I am worth more in the way that is kind to my heart and not critical of theirs. I am worth more. This is the mantra I have being teaching my heart. From a karma that seems to run so deep.
In teaching my heart I am worth more it also extends to teach us that the other person is also worth more. That we are all worth so much more. Which feels a lot easier or free to feel in my soul to say.
Today has been one of those really emotional days for me. I cried because I was grateful that my I was able to tell my younger sister, Antonette how much I love her and that I hope she heels from the accident she had last night. And then I had to call my other sister, Ana to tell her I love her. And as I write this I have to email my other sister, Arianne about how much I love her but Ana told me, the way older sisters tell it, that they already know.
And then I sobbed my little heart out.
And then I sobbed some more because of how I was so grateful to be alive. I am grateful for my heart that feels so much. Whether it be pleasure or pain. Or the colour purple.
I am so grateful that I weep so loudly with gratitude in my soul.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
And I thank you.
You are in my cells.
God bless
By Agnushkali
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