If Your Partner Cheats On You, It’s Because They Actually Love You


Of course, it’s not just women that cheat.

Cosmopolitan interviewed a man who, under the pen name Dylan, revealed the reason why he began using Ashley Madison to cheat on his wife. Dylan told Cosmopolitan he had his first fling in 2014 with a coworker to remedy a dying sex life at home.

“Things had mellowed out and we became a bit sexually incompatible,” he said about his marriage. After the affair, he noticed his sex life with his wife was “amazing,” describing it as “very primal and selfish.” He credits the change in their connection to the guilt he felt for cheating on her. “I was so turned on thinking about what I’d done. It was this double-edged sword — while the fling had made me feel guilty, it had also been horrifically erotic.”

He then joined Ashley Madison to see what it was about. Though he claims he didn’t intend to make any moves on the site, he eventually began using the site regularly. And, like the women Walker interviewed, Dylan says the catalyst for his affairs is the fact that he is in love with his wife.

“I’m extremely happy with her in a lot of senses and I definitely love her,” he said. “However, while we’re as close as any married couple, there’s an absence of what I would describe as a ‘healthy sexual relationship.’”

Cheating is a wake-up call for relationships in a couple of different ways.

First, if kept a secret, the cheater is able to stay in the relationship while still having their needs met. As Dylan told Cosmopolitan, “I can see the positives it’s brought to our relationship, too. It’s definitely benefited our marriage.”

Second, if the partner being cheated on finds out, it opens a conversation into what can change in the relationship to prevent cheating from happening again. Cheating reveals cracks in a relationship that, if addressed properly, couples can patch up.

It may never feel great to know you’ve been cheated on, and that’s to be expected. But it doesn’t have to signal the end of the relationship as a whole. Instead, couples can look at cheating as a desperate act of love and approach the end of the relationship as it was and embark on new beginnings as a couple.

According to our survey, 51 percent of people see cheating as a forgivable offense. With a change in mindset and more open hearts and minds, this statistic can easily trend upward as more people accept cheating in a more optimistic light.

Written by Micki Spollen

Originally appeared on Yourtango.com

Printed with permission

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  1. That’s what you get when you ask the users of Ashley Madison about cheating. They’ve cheated and they’ve been telling themselves these things in an effort to justify their behavior, because if they have to look at the pain they’ve caused their partner honestly, they wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt and shame. Saying they lied, betrayed, and f*#ked someone else out of love for their partner makes them feel better about themselves.
    The kindest thing would have been to openly address the issues with the partner and leave the relationship if problems could not be resolved.

  2. What a load of BS!!! Your partner DOESN’T respect you or your relationship, if they cheat on you! If you’ve expressed to your partner that your love life needs more fulfilment and they still can’t or won’t try to work on it w/you, then it’s best for you to just part ways then. It’s better to LEAVE before cheat!
    I don’t know what kinda people were interviewed and apart of this survey, but they’re definitely a different kinda breed! LOL