Not Just Friends: Recovering From an Emotional Affair

208 3

This is how you will learn to recover from an emotional affair.




For Emma, it all started when she finally got on Facebook. Her kids had been asking her to set up an account for years, but she was more reserved and didn’t feel like she would have many friends to connect with online.

When she joined, she added her extended family, neighbors, and a few friends from her local mom’s club—but that was it.



After a few months, she reconnected with most of her old high school friends, including her old boyfriend Bob.

She hadn’t seen or heard from him in many years and found herself excited to accept his friend request.

Once connected, Emma spent hours pouring over the pictures of Bob and his family. She thought to herself, What a handsome guy he still is. Her husband, Rich, on the other hand, had let himself go. So when she saw pictures of Bob and all the good things he was accomplishing, she was a bit envious.




As she found herself thinking about Bob more and more, she started noticing things about her husband she disliked.

One day, Emma saw that it was Bob’s birthday, so she decided to write him a little celebratory note on his wall. She offered a few kind words and that was that.

Little did she know that short post would prompt Bob to send her a private message in response:

“Emma, thanks for your birthday message. You don’t look a day over 20. Remember that hayride we took together, back when we were youngins? ;)”

Emma was flustered. She remembered that hayride well. It had been 29 years since she and Bob dated, but the feelings came back like it was yesterday. She found herself on Cloud 9—totally twitterpated over her memories of young love.

She decided to wait a day or two to message Bob back because she didn’t want to sound overly eager. She kept her response short and simply shared an update on her life and her family.




Bob messaged her back.

And so it began.

She liked his picture.

He loved her post.

Messaging went from a daily occurrence to an all-day event.

They shared about their families, their kids, their jobs, and the challenge of taking care of aging parents. As the days and weeks progressed, their Facebook messages became more intimate. They became better friends. They knew a lot about each other.

And eventually, for both of them, love—or what they thought was love—rekindled.




They became more open with each other about the hard marriages they were both “stuck” in and about their growing feelings for each other. Neither brought up the idea of meeting up or getting back together again. They weren’t there yet.

However, they were ready to agree that they had somehow fallen in love again—2,000 miles apart—all via Facebook Messenger.

They hadn’t seen each other in person. They had never talked on the phone, texted, or emailed. And yet, there they were: madly in love.

That is until one day when Emma left her Facebook account open and her husband, Rich, saw a message from Bob pop up.

Rich wasn’t trying to be snoopy, but he clicked on the message and there it was: six months of daily messages between Bob and Emma.




Rich read through the messages and felt shocked, stunned, and hurt by the things Emma said about him. Had he really become lazy, fat, and mean? He cried as he read through the messages, and realized: 1) how in love Emma was with Bob, and 2) how lonely Emma was in their marriage.

And then Emma walked in.

Rich, with tears in his eyes, looked up from the computer and asked, “Emma, why?”

Recovering from the emotional affair

Instead of letting this emotional affair destroy their marriage, Emma and Rich decided that they wanted to work on their relationship. They wanted things to change, and they were hopeful that things could improve with the right knowledge and resources.

To heal from the wounds of this emotional affair, revive their dying marriage, and protect against the danger of future affairs, Emma and Rich did three things:

First, Emma cut ties with Bob and unfriended him on Facebook. That was a boundary she needed to set.



Second, Emma and Rich worked on meeting each other’s needs. They bought Dr. Gottman’s Small Things Often booklet and read it together. After reading the booklet, both Emma and Rich began to implement small things into their marriage to help them feel connected.

After reading the booklet, Rich came up with a brilliant idea: to win Emma back through Facebook Messenger.

And it worked!

Messaging each other via Facebook became a daily ritual for Rich and Emma.

Connecting in this way helped meet Emma’s deep need for more frequent communication and affectionate words. And as they messaged each other back and forth, they rebuilt their Love Maps and felt more connected than ever before. That deep sense of emotional connection led to satisfying and meaningful sex, as well.

The booklet also inspired Emma to be more intentional about how she and Rich parted for the day and how they reunited after being apart. She came up with genuine compliments to give him about his appearance (since he was often insecure about his weight), and she would always make sure to give him a long, welcoming kiss. It was small, but it made Rich feel like a million bucks.


Finally, following Dr. John & Julie Gottman’s 5 Tips, Rich and Emma implemented a ritual of romantic getaways. Together, they planned and scheduled two romantic getaways for that very year.

This simple ritual helped them strengthen their friendship, share dreams and plans, and invite novelty back into their relationship.

Read This Is How You Know That You Have Recovered From Heartbreak

How the story ends

Along with nurturing their marriage, Rich and Emma set other boundaries to protect against future affairs and to re-build trust in their relationship.



It took time, but Rich came to completely forgive Emma, and Emma regained his trust by honoring the boundaries they set together and seeking to meet Rich’s needs.

Connection was something that had been missing in their relationship for a very long time. After many months of healing, their relationship was getting better. They felt more intimate on all levels—emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually, and recreationally.

They felt connected again.

Armed with this refortified bond, Emma and Rich committed to continuing intentionally working together to create the type of marriage they wanted and knew could be theirs.

Read 15 Crucial Things You Should Let Go For A Happy Marriage


Not Just Friends Recovering From an Emotional Affair


— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

7 Signs Of Agape Love: What It Means To Love Unconditionally

7 Signs of Agape Love: What It Means To Love Unconditionally

We all know who messy modern relationships can be. Swipe right, swipe left, ghosting, breadcrumbing, situationships – it’s a circus out there and things are getting even crazier! In the midst of all this, exists something called “agape love”. Today, we are going to talk about what it is and the signs of agape love.

So, what keeps some relationships rock-solid when everything else feels disposable? It’s agape love. And once you experience and understand the characteristics of agape love in your life, it’s like an eureka moment.

You realize that true and unconditional love is more than butterflies and romantic gestures; it’s more about being there when it matters the most, even when things may seem tough.

Let’s first try to understand what is the meaning of agape love really.

<

Up Next

Are You Loud Looking For Love? Ditch The Games, Try This New Dating Trend

5 Benefits Of Loud Looking Dating Strategy

Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and all those exhausting dating games, who has the time anymore? If you’re over the confusion and just want something real, it’s time to embrace loud looking dating strategy!

What Is Loud Looking Dating Strategy?

As per Tinder’s Year in Swipe 2024, loud looking is all about putting your intentions out there, no filters, no second-guessing. Whether you’re searching for casual fun or your future

Up Next

Dating a Reserved Person: 9 Simple Ways to Make Them Feel Loved

Dating a Reserved Person: 9 Tips for a Happy Relationship

Dating a reserved person is like opening a book with a locked cover and several layers – it takes time, finesse and patience to understand them. Don’t expect them to open up in the very first date itself, nor will they shout their love from the rooftops.

But once you understand how to handle their quiet charm and silent nature, you will discover that reserved individuals love very deeply, think profoundly and make some of the most loyal partners out there.

So, if you are dating a reserved man or woman, this article is going to help navigate dating them without making things awkward.

Related:

Up Next

11 Unique Relationship Words You Can’t Translate In English (But Will Feel Deeply)

Relationship Words: Some Beautiful Untranslatable Words

Have you ever felt something in love that English just can’t quite describe? Sometimes, emotions are so layered and complex that they need a word from another language to capture them perfectly. Take a look some of the relationship words that capture the beauty of love.

Across different cultures, people have found ways to define love, desire, heartbreak, and everything in between, beautiful untranslatable words for love that don’t have direct English translations but still feel universally relatable.

Read More Here: 18 New Words Added To The Dictionary: Word Buffet

Up Next

Romance, Roast And Giggles: 50+ Best Relationship Jokes

Best Relationship Jokes That Prove Love is Hilarious!

Love is a rollercoaster, and when you have an arsenal of the best relationship jokes, it makes the ride even more fun! Be it a new romance, a long-term relationship, or you simply just adore some corny love jokes, these hilarious couple jokes will have you cracking up.

From dating disasters to hilarious marriage moments, relationships come with plenty of comedy material. Because let’s be honest—love isn’t always candlelit dinners and sweet texts. Sometimes, it’s forgetting anniversaries, stealing blankets, and arguing over where to eat.

So, hold on to your partner right, and enjoy these funny jokes about love!

Up Next

Break Up On Valentines Day? 16 Self-Care Tips When You’ve Been Un-Valentined

Break Up On Valentines Day? Self-Care Tips When You've Been Un-Valentined

The ultimate love fest is around the corner. For some, it’s the best day of the year, but for others, it’s when things fall apart. If you’ve had a break up on valentines day or before, we’ll give you some tips on how to mend your broken heart.

A breakup on the big day or before it, can feel like your entire world is falling apart and to be honest, it’s the loneliest feeling ever because every tv commercial and nook and corner is filled with couples or about love.

So, we’ve got your back with a roadmap for handling break up on Valentine’s day and even thriving after. But before that let me tell you that this situation is not something you’ll face alone, there are many more people who’ve got their heart broken as well…

You’re Not

Up Next

7 Best On-Screen Couples Ranked by How Likely They Are to Stay Together

Best On-Screen Couples Ranked: Which Pair Will Last Forever?

Love on screen is pure magic. The stolen glances, the grand gestures, the dramatic reunions in the pouring rain—it’s the kind of romance that makes our hearts race and our eyes misty. But let’s be honest, not all of these couples would actually last if they had to deal with, you know, real life. Bills? Stress? That annoying habit of leaving wet towels on the bed? Some of them would crumble faster than a rom-com breakup montage.

That’s why we’re taking a closer look at the best on-screen couples ranked —but not just by chemistry or cuteness. No, no. We’re going deeper. Who would actually survive the test of time? Who would fight over the thermostat and call it quits? And who would grow old together, still making each other laugh after all these years?

Some love stories are built to last. Others? Well… let’s just say they be