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How Narcissistic Women Use Pregnancy To Control Their Victims

Narcissistic Women Use Pregnancy To Control Victims

No matter how disturbing and wrong this might sound, sometimes, narcissistic women use pregnancy to control their victims, namely their ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends. When a female narcissist doesn’t see any other way of getting them back, they fall back on pregnancy to manipulate them. From faking a pregnancy to lying about a pregnancy, they can do it all.


Pregnancies can be planned in order to keep a breakup or divorce from happening.

Narcissistic women may lie about their birth control or seduce partners at specific times to plan a pregnancy.

Women can use children or pregnancy to their advantage to hurt their partners or trap them in a relationship.

Pregnancy can be one of the scariest and most exhilarating periods in a woman’s life. Men today have become more involved in pregnancy, family planning, and childrearing, as compared to previous generations. Whereas many pregnancies are carefully planned or at least a joint decision, surprise or unilaterally unwanted pregnancies add tension and confusion to relationships.

This is especially true if the relationship is on the rocks or one partner is adamantly against children. But what happens when a pregnancy is planned as a method of controlling the wayward partner?

Narcissists will only engage in relationships for the benefits. For example, narcissistic women may latch on to a new partner and get married to take advantage of benefits, money, status, or prestige.

Pregnancy and childrearing are also important and profitable bargaining tools in a relationship and breakup/divorce. In most states, child support is increased per child of the union, and mothers are overwhelmingly granted majority custody, thus resulting in higher child support awards. This makes for an easy payout for narcissistic mothers.

Related: Female Narcissist Signs: 7 Signs Of Narcissistic Women

Narcissism and the “surprise” pregnancy

Faking a pregnancy or planning a “surprise” pregnancy is sadly not unheard of, especially if the narcissist is not the one to initiate the breakup.

James, now 50, recalls when he and his then-wife were in the initial stages of separating. He initiated the first separation, and then his partner not only announced that she was pregnant but that she was getting an abortion.

“I immediately told her we would work it out, that I wanted that child,” he says. “She changed her tune and we got back together, but we ended up divorcing anyway when our daughter was a few years old. My ex never changed her ways; she kept cheating and stuck out the marriage longer to get a better alimony payout.”

Pregnancies can be unplanned surprises but can also be opportunities for exploitation and financial benefit.

narcissistic women use pregnancy
Female narcissist

Joe and his then-wife, Mary, were separated and living apart after Mary had admitted to cheating with a friend. A few months after the separation, Mary called him and invited him over to talk about the divorce and see her son/Joe’s stepson. One thing led to another, and they slept together. After a few weeks of silence, Mary called to tell him she was pregnant.

“I was so happy about the baby. We had been trying to get pregnant for a while before I found out she was cheating, but it just never happened. She blamed me for never getting pregnant and it caused so much tension and drama between us. Then, suddenly after one time, she was pregnant, and she told me to not bother with a condom since she was on the Pill. It seemed too good to be true and too convenient, but I ignored the bad feelings.”

Related: The Female Facade: Female Narcissists May Be Statistically Uncommon, But Highly Dangerous

Joe and Mary got back together but the good times didn’t last very long. “A month after the baby was born, I moved out again and refiled the divorce papers. She had admitted that she just didn’t want to be single and pregnant again like she was with her first child.” Not only was Mary getting child support from her son’s father, but now she was getting extra child support from Joe for their child as well as spousal maintenance.

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Kristy Lee Hochenberger

Kristy Lee Hochenberger is a doctoral student of psychology at Capella University and a member of Psi Chi, the international honor society in psychology. A graduate of prestigious Wells College, Kristy Lee is also a licensed funeral director and co-founder of Salt City Legacy Scholars, Inc, a 501c3 nonprofit organization that awards scholarships and financial assistance to young women across New York State. In addition to her Bachelor's degree, Kristy Lee has an Associate's Degree in Occupational Services as well as a Master of Business Administration. A native of Queens, NY, she currently resides in upstate New York where she is an adjunct faculty member at Syracuse University School of Information Studies (iSchool) and University of the People.View Author posts