Why Do Men Text But Don’t Ask Women Out

Why Do Men Text But Don’t Ask Women Out

Have you ever wondered why sometimes men text you a lot, but never seem to ask you out? They show that they are interested in you, but never actually try to set up a date or make a plan to go out?

In today’s blog, I’m taking up a question on what to do when men text but don’t ask you out. As a top international dating and relationship expert, I’m going to go below the surface and examine why this can feel so irritating and triggering for us women.

Read on to learn what it means when a situation when men text you but don’t ask you out is causing a strong negative reaction in you!

The Question:

“Hi Sami! There’s this man I spoke to on the phone once. Like you teach us in Attract Your Soulmate, I kept the phone call short and sweet. It felt good, although he didn’t ask me out during the phone call itself.

But then he sent me a text at 2am. The next morning he sent me another text. And then he sent me some puppy dog photos, even though he knew I was at work and not available. And despite constantly texting me, he didn’t once mention anything about wanting to actually meet me…

I have not responded to any of these texts so far. But I am feeling extremely uncomfortable right now and almost turned off. All these silly pictures and useless texts at the wrong hours really piss me off!

Sami, why would men text but don’t ask you out? Should I say something about it? How do I communicate that it is really, really annoying me?”

~ Michelle, United States

My Answer:

I love Michelle’s question because it reflects a reality that I know many women face. In today’s dating landscape, constant texting that goes nowhere is a real problem, almost an epidemic.

There will be two parts to my answer. The first is what to say when men text but don’t ask you out. However, I’m not going to leave it there. I also want to help you understand why such a situation can be so irritating.

You see, it shouldn’t bother you that much that men text but don’t ask you out. Why? Simply because, if you have never met, you don’t know these men at all. They are simply strangers who should not be able to elicit such a strong emotional reaction in you. If it’s happening, then a trigger must be in place, and understanding it and healing it can help you move forward in your love journey.

Related: 5 Underlying Reasons Men Text Instead Of Calling

The Quick Fix When Men Text But Don’t Ask You Out

What to do when a man constantly messages you and it pisses you off?

First of all, like Michelle actually did (well done, diva!) – you don’t engage and don’t feel obliged to answer his pointless text.

Instead, you just speak up in a very straightforward manner and without mincing your words. It can be something along the lines of:

“Hi, thanks for the puppy photos. I am not big on texting and I prefer phone calls and face to face interactions. So, feel free to let me know when you have a plan!”

That’s the script, and if you’re worried that it’s too forward or masculine – it’s not. It is a very diva response to a situation when men text but don’t ask you out. Remember, healthy men respond best to simple, clear communication.

Should you share your feelings and how much this is annoying you?

At this point, no. I definitely believe that feelings are a way to connect with a man’s heart, and expressing them (the positive and the negative) is an integral part of a healthy romantic relationship. 

However, this is not the case in the very early stages of dating and especially when you haven’t even met the man. For now, simply stating your preference is enough.

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Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a leading international relationship and dating expert who specializes in working with ambitious, high-achieving women, helping them attract lasting romantic love. Her clients range from Hollywood celebrities to UK TV stars to CEOs, bankers, lawyers, doctors, renowned authors, leading entrepreneurs, and more. She’s a leading authority when it comes to dating and relationships and is a sought-after expert in the media, appearing regularly in the Business Insider, Forbes and Time magazines, Glamour, the Daily Mail, The Metro, Cosmopolitan, and many more. Her core work philosophy is empowering ambitious women in their love lives who are looking to attract their soulmates, teaching high-value dating behaviors, feminine energy, and the importance of dating with boundaries and an empowered diva mindset.View Author posts